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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldn't phone a family with three small children between six and say 7.30 pm?

105 replies

emkana · 21/01/2008 19:45

I have a few friends who always ring around this time, when I'm in the middle of eating dinner/bath time/reading stories etc

Two of these friends have children themselves so should know better surely?
One friend is childless but I tell her EVERY TIME "oh can I call you back I'm in the middle of xyz" and she still doesn't get it after SEVEN YEARS

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/01/2008 09:11

i think you are - if your busy say so. My Brain would never stop if i had to think all the time about everyone i know and their personal circumstances before i did a simple thing like ring them up.

and a friend would be honest and say -" ring us after 9 will yer, cos its better"

Wisteria · 22/01/2008 09:11

I think YABU - when you think about calling someone you don't consider whether they might actually be on the toilet/ feeding the dcs etc as everyone has different routines. Anyway why should they think about your routines, I never even had a routine

Just be pleased someone wants to call you and if inconvenient, don't answer - simple!

dal21 · 22/01/2008 09:13

YANBU. Especially if you have told them it isnt a good time. Ignore/ unplug the phone.

bozza · 22/01/2008 09:15

I think the answer is not to answer if it is not convenient. I find this quite liberating. We do not answer if we are eating, unless I am on call from work. If I am bathing the children and DH answers and it is for me I get him to say I will ring back unless I think it will be a quick 2 minute thing. If I am reading bedtime stories I do not answer.

Wisteria · 22/01/2008 09:16

"Two of these friends have children themselves so should know better surely?"

Why? You see, thinking about it that probably would have been the most convenient time to call me (on average).

Don't you have more pressing things to be annoyed about em? If not, lucky you

Original poster
emkana · 22/01/2008 09:19

aah now Wisteria don't get me started

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 22/01/2008 09:21

It's what answerphones are for, isn't it?

Only with MIL, we always get "Where were you?"
She is horrified at the idea of not answering the phone when you are in.

Ureb · 22/01/2008 09:23

YABU.

If it's inconvenient, ignore the phone.

Or switch it off.

Different people have different routines.

Some would say that straight after school is inconvenient.

Some would say that after the children have gone to bed is a pita because the phone wakes the children, or they want half an hour's peace with DH, or a bath or any number of reasons really.

The two friends with children find it convenient to ring you at this time, so don't figure that it might be inconvenient to you, and your childless friend probably just doesn't register.

Ureb · 22/01/2008 09:26

lol UD, we have that with FIL, who refuses point blank to leave a message.

My father leaves a sighing sort of message, and if we haven't got back quick enough will ring again, pml.

Blu · 22/01/2008 09:32

Ah, but you see you would think 'oh, it's 7.35 so that will be a good time to call Blu' but actually the small wndow between 8.15 and 9pm is the best time to call me! I never answer the phone at 7.30. We all have overlaping routines.

Embrace your answerphone without a second thought.

branflake81 · 22/01/2008 09:35

You are being completely unreasonable. How on earth would they know that that's the kids' bedtimes? If it's that much of a problem just don't answer the phone.

sb6699 · 22/01/2008 10:05

Lol UnquietDad, my mil frequently leaves messages saying "pick up the phone" because she knows we simply don't answer if we are busy.

We have an answering machine and call people back when its more convenient.

Everyones routine is different. For example it is perfectly okay for people to phone me at 6.30 but if they call at 7.30 they will be ignored till later.

It is a tad unreasonable to expect everyone to automatically know what your routine is.

Enid · 22/01/2008 10:06

emkana WHY do you let these things get to you

buy an answer machine fgs and dont answer the phone when busy

i thought EVERYONE did this???

UnquietDad · 22/01/2008 10:11

And the thing about MIL is that she HAS to have an answer. "Busy" or "out" will not do. She keeps bringing the conversation back to it! Won't rest until we have given chapter and verse.

Enid · 22/01/2008 10:12

I always natter to my sister when my three dds are in the bath, I sit on the loo and shout down the phone at her

largeginandtonic · 22/01/2008 10:16

Enid i do that too I have a bf who lives miles away from me now and we are often on the phone from 4-??? We can do tea and bath\bed time while nattering away

My neck blardy hurts though when i get off the phone!

Enid · 22/01/2008 10:17

I know I need a hands free thingy

or one mumsnetter once recommended putting a pair of tights onyour head and wedging the phone in there

marina · 22/01/2008 10:18

Me too. Bath time is an oasis of peace in the eye of the storm

largeginandtonic · 22/01/2008 10:20

Excellent idea! The children will all PTSL i'm sure.

One question though if you have tights over your head how the bloody hell am i supposed to drink the vino i cart around with me too?

Bluenosesaint · 22/01/2008 10:21

Actually i think you're being a tad unreasonable - if you're busy, don't answer it! Simple.

I would find it impossible to try and remember the most convenient times to ring my friends and family and am not offended when they tell me that they haven't got time to chat ...well apart from when my mum tells me she cant talk because she's watching 'the bill'

now if it was 'casualty' that she was watching i could understand ...

marina · 22/01/2008 10:21

You need a Homer Simpson hat and a TIN of wine LGT

Frizbe · 22/01/2008 10:21

have friends who do this, mainly those without children

largeginandtonic · 22/01/2008 10:21

To the OP yanbu, i vet my calls, if it is mil or some other fiend i dont answer I do that all day though...

Belgianchocolates · 22/01/2008 10:22

YABU. As not everyone has the same bedtime routines and actually 6pm is probably the best time to call me. DC's watching bedtime hour, dinner finished,... Worst time for me would be 7.30-8.30 wich is when I'm in the middle of doing bedtime routine, however clearly you would be ready to phone me. I always answer unless reading story. I can cook, do dishes, put dc's in the bath, etc while chatting on the phone. I'm a woman, I can multi-task !
Must agree that parents are the worst offenders. My mum always blames the time difference when she phones the minute we sit down at the table or when I'm just about to put the children in bed, however after 10 years she should know by now that it's 1h later in Belgium. There's no point in ignoring the phone with her either. She keeps ringing every 5 min til I answer because she knows we're home at that time of day .

Enid · 22/01/2008 10:22

the wine goes on the windowsill

poor dds resemble prunes by the end