AIBU

[kathleen567]

Was working late today until 10pm. Rang my husband on my way home and turns out there’s no food and he hasn’t made any dinner. Wasn’t expecting much , a ready meal would’ve been fine but have now had to go to Tesco express to get a frozen pizza . It’s just gone in the oven now at quarter to 11 so feeling hungry, upset and annoyed.

he finished work at 5pm today so should’ve had plenty of time

Also wondering if I should continue to stay with someone who treats me like this

Is this usual? Does he usually make dinner if you’re working late? Who does the shopping?
more info needed but I get you’re fed up - sounds like a lack of care from him.

Has he apologised?

Has he got form for this kind of thing?

If he hasn't said sorry, I'd definitely not stick around with someone who wasn't kind and considerate.

I'm sorry for how you're feeling. You deserve better.

We usually take turns to make dinner and take it in turns to do shopping. We both work late on some days so take it in turns usually to cook for each other. Having gotten home and looked in the fridge/ cupboard I know that there is food in the house to put together a meal .

sorry but your an adult and i think yabu , if you didn’t have a partner I’m assuming you would’ve went and got yourself something in, so just because another adult was at home doesn’t take away your own ability to cater to yourself long shift or not

Not ok, what's his excuse?

sorry but your an adult and i think yabu , if you didn’t have a partner I’m assuming you would’ve went and got yourself something in, so just because another adult was at home doesn’t take away your own ability to cater to yourself long shift or not

Oh giveover. What a ridiculous comment. There's nothing needy about expecting a loving partner to maybe have done some food when he did his knowing you are going to be late.

All this 'do your own' 'stop expecting' is bollocks. Being a couple is supposed to make life nicer and easier for you both.

What did he have for his own dinner? Was he expecting you to cook for him as well?

What a wanker.

Not enough info. I’d say it totally depends on the expectation within your relationship about late dinners. My DH and I work late sometimes. DH would expect me to have eaten at work. I’d expect him to do the same, or else that he’d pull something out of the freezer when he got home, or skip dinner altogether (he’s one for occasional intermittent fasting).

If you have a relationship where you always eat together, alternate who is cooking, and tonight was your DH’s turn, then he is quite clearly in the wrong. If you tend to leave things up in the air, and you’re randomly expecting him to pull dinner together for you tonight without a prior conversation, YABU.

I’ve just had exactly the same experience tonight op so I feel your pain
came home after a really rubbish day to find DH and 2 x DC sitting down to a meal!! Nothing for me. I was starving hungry as well 🙄

What! Why, fgs?

I guess I'm in the minority. My DH works late sometimes, i don't sort him food, he'll usually just pick up something on his way home. On these nights I usually don't cook myself a full meal and just snack. Wouldn't bother me

I'm 50/50 on this because If my husband walks into the house and asks where is my dinner I'd probably raise my eyebrows at him.

Also didn't anyone notice there was no food in the house last night ? Maybe do an online shop if both of you can't be bothered to go food shopping.

She has got a partner though, therefore it's irrelevant what a single person would do.

On its own I think you are being unreasonable here, possibly a bit dramatic flouncing off to Tesco, there must be something in the house? At 10 pm I would not be sitting down to a slap up dinner.

I would never expect DH to have my dinner ready the moment I walked in, not without prior discussion anyway and especially not at 10pm. We normally eat together, but if somebody is going to be late then we take the fend for yourself approach.

We do generally discuss and coordinate though, we might mention in the morning what we shall have for dinner, who is making it and possibly we would decide if one of us needs to go to the shops. If I knew I would be late, I would still think about what I can have for dinner (even if it is a toastie) and I might ask DH to pick something up for me or put the oven on at 9:30pm or whatever, but I definitely would not expect him to have thought about it and sorted it without discussion. And he wouldn’t do this spontaneously because I am a grown woman and don’t need somebody else to sort my dinner out just because I go to work.

My DH buys his own meal if he’s going to the gym and eating late, so YABU, anticipate your shifts and when you will need food.

That is not the same experience, not at all. That is most definitely bad behaviour.

It totally depends how you normally do dinner.

If you cook for each other and keep a portion and that works for you, yes he should have made sure there was something available for you. Personally I'd rather have a fresh cooked pizza or ready meal than something re-heated.

You're both adults and should make sure there is food in the house for after late finishes ie ready meals/pizza in the freezer.

Did he eat?

Was there literally nothing in the house that you could have eaten that was quicker than going out to Tescos.

What did he eat?

Were you expecting to be that late?

I work late occasionally and I’d have discussed this in advance with DH as to what he was planning to do for dinner or if I’d eat at work/have a tin of soup/toast when I got home.

If one of us isn’t around for dinner we don’t always cook a full meal, so I wouldn’t necessarily expect anything to be waiting unless we’d spoken about it.

The OP said in one of her posts
. Having gotten home and looked in the fridge/ cupboard I know that there is food in the house to put together a meal .

So it must have been that her DH had said there was nothing to eat. She didn't 'flounce off to Tesco's' as a PP charmingly put it, she went on her way home.

I can understand why she was pissed off!

If DH isn’t going to be around for dinner I won’t necessarily make a full meal, even if there’s ingredients in to, I might get a snack - beans on toast or similar so there could easily technically be food in to have made a meal but I hadn’t.