To see joint costs as 50/50?

[alphasox]

I earn quite a bit more than my OH. We have a joint account where we both put the same amount of money in which more than covers all our family and household outgoings, each year.
We also have joint savings where we contribute the same amount each month for our rainy day/retirement fund.

Of what is left in my personal bank account, I save a lot (the majority) and also pay into a pension, because I was bought up that way. I spend a little on my social life etc, I wouldn’t say i’m frugal but nor do I splash the cash too much.

OH has much less left over/disposable income due to earning less, but is also more spendy, eg recently bought £100 headphones while I’m happy to use the ones that came with my phone.

OH has complained recently and says our money should be shared completely and that I should therefore pay proportionally more into the joint pots each month, since I can afford more. This would give OH more disposable income.

i can see the point, but given that OH is quite loose with the wallet I don’t see why I should subsidise those spending habits.

who is BU?

I'm the lower earner and my husband pays a bit more towards the bills so we're left with about the same spending money per month. So I suppose on that basis I'd have to say YABU, but really easy family should organise it as they see best!

*every

There is also a (negative) bigger view to look at - if you divorced half your savings as is would be his anyway.......

Sorry...my wine glass is more than half empty currently!

How long have you been together and how committed is the relationship? If it’s a 20 year akin to marriage thing then YABU, if you’ve been together 2 years and lived together 6 months or something then YANBU

It depends how serious the relationship is. DH and I shared finances shortly before we got engaged. This meant all the money was in one pot, with a small but equal amount each as 'spending money' to do what we want with. At the time I was making more money but now there isn't much in it at all.

I earn slightly more than DP, I put more into the pot, so we’re left with the same amount of disposable income.

anything that doesn’t get used up on bills goes into the savings end of the month for holidays etc.

It depends how serious the relationship is really. If boyfriend and girlfriend then fair enough to keep separate, if you’re married then I think you should share.

I agree with this approach. I’m the higher earner and contribute proportionally more such that we have the same spending money left to do as we choose, spend or save.

We have been married 15 years, have kids, mortgage etc

If you are committed to sharing a home and a life, it should work out that you each have the same amount of disposable income left after joint costs are paid to do what you want with. I earn more than my wife so pay more into the joint account so that we are left with the same afterwards.

And how do you feel if your partner chooses to spend it all on themselves and not save for your joint future?

In that case he will get half of everything anyway so if I was you I would pay the extra so you are equal.

Yes I think that’s pretty shit then. If you’re worried about him being too speedy, why don’t you agree an equal amount of personal spends a month and save the rest?

Then suggest a compromise - joint saving account? And a little more disposable income for DH?

My exh spent my money like water when he wasn't earning.. When he got a job and I started spending my own money - because I actually had some left- he didn't like it. Start spending your own money op. Imo if you split he will have a load of 'stuff' and try and get half of everything also.

Suggest he gets a better job.

I can't imagine being married to someone who had access to more money than I did.

In our house, everything is paid proportionate to income so we both have the same amount leftover after necessities have been paid.

Why don’t you have a joint savings? We have joint savings as well as a designated amount set aside for personal saving or spending, for example I’m saving up for a new phone.

Why would you be happy with that situation? It's unfair and unequal. Why did you bother getting married if you want to treat everything as separate. Fifteen years of that? I would say your partner is a bit of a doormat and you are not treating them very well

Do the additional savings go into the shared pot or a personal pot for you?

Is this a partner or a husband?

I think men are called tight / borderline financial abusers when they don't equally share their money with their wife.

I find it bizarre when people in a relationship such as yours don't just see all money as family money tbh. How do you even work out how much each person deserves from the pot at the point when your lives are so entwined? Why do you think it's fair that your OH has to contribute a larger proportion of their income to the rent/mortgage or the kids school uniform etc etc?

If you're not happy with their spending habits then that's a conversation to be had but I don't think separate finances is the way to go (and of course it's all farcical anyway because you could divorce and then it would be equally shared 🤷‍♀️).

Definitely should be proportionate to what you earn. He will never be able to save if he has nothing left after all bills paid etc. He may be more 'spendy' but you should even things out and then voice your concerns that he should put some money away each month for the future...
You are in a very lucky position to be able to even have any disposable income left at the end of the month these days!

YABU, you’ve been married for 15yrs, it should all go into one pot and a fair percentage of each wage should go in there (obviously with you earning more, you would naturally add more in)
as for the spending, I would suggest a joint savings account and use this for any extras/goodies so it makes it fair.

also with a joint savings account you can make sure he isn’t pissing money up the walls & he can do the same vice versa.

Why can’t you decode between you how much you will save and treat savings like a bill? Me and DH leave ourselves with the same amount to spend each month which means he as the higher earner pays more into the joint pot. That pot pays for all bills, holidays, eating out, things for kids, family gifts. Our own money is just for frivolous spending I guess and so it’s up to your DH how he spends that surely?