To see joint costs as 50/50?

[alphasox]

I earn quite a bit more than my OH. We have a joint account where we both put the same amount of money in which more than covers all our family and household outgoings, each year.
We also have joint savings where we contribute the same amount each month for our rainy day/retirement fund.

Of what is left in my personal bank account, I save a lot (the majority) and also pay into a pension, because I was bought up that way. I spend a little on my social life etc, I wouldn’t say i’m frugal but nor do I splash the cash too much.

OH has much less left over/disposable income due to earning less, but is also more spendy, eg recently bought £100 headphones while I’m happy to use the ones that came with my phone.

OH has complained recently and says our money should be shared completely and that I should therefore pay proportionally more into the joint pots each month, since I can afford more. This would give OH more disposable income.

i can see the point, but given that OH is quite loose with the wallet I don’t see why I should subsidise those spending habits.

who is BU?

But you are putting it in your pension, so it's not joint savings.

Plus buying a pair of headphones isn't that extravagant if he can afford it.

I'm the main earner and no I don't subsidise my DH spending - he couldn't manage a piggy bank. We have individual spending roughly in proportion to our earnings. I do pay for big purchases though like holidays, childcare, house purchases

If he wants more spending then he should go out and earn it like i did

Sigh. Such a blatant reverse.

Why did you marry a man you have so little respect for?

Why don’t you offer to up your contribution to the joint savings? That will make it “fairer” but still give you the same amount of savings in total.

Then the way you split finances is not fair imo. Money into the shared pot and savings should be done so that you each get the same residual/personal fun money.

But all the saving would be done, before splitting the spare. So pensions etc should be paid into them splitting what’s left.

I am the higher earner, by quite a bit. I think it’s a Piss take when people expect a lower earning pattern to pay a bigger portion of a smaller wage into joint costs.

it’s like people want to build and family and a life together, but only when it suits them.

But like op, I suspect a reverse.

Your poor DH, if this was the other way round everybody would be slating him. It should be proportionate and really at the stage you're at, all money is joint money.

Are they paying into a work place pension?

I'd suggest each taking £150pcm (pr whatever figure works best for both), then of what's left, each put 20% into a savings account and 80% into the main joint account.

We are similar to you in terms of earnings. But miles apart in terms of how we manage that.
First, all money goes into a joint account. DH has a paltry works pension so we also have another private pension set up for him - my teachers pension is decent.
Then, all the bills are paid out of the account, each of us receives a set amount into our own accounts and the rest goes into our joint savings accounts.
When his DM died, he split his small inheritance with me and told me to put it into my own savings.
I’d say over the years my salary has generally been double his. He has benefitted from that, I’ve benefitted from hi working regular hours and being there to look after our DD when I was working all the hours god sent.

@ChickPeaChic

Well we are divorcing so maybe my feelings towards him aren't great right now 😂

But the truth of it is he could absolutely have gone out and earnt more over the years but didn't/refused to and left me basically to work myself to the bone to support our family and give us a decent lifestyle. He doesn't go without believe me. By the time I've paid for holidays, days out with the kids, purchases for the home I don't come out with much more "personal" spending than him

I make twice as much as DH, so I pay 65% of our costs and he pays 35%. That leaves us with the same amount left at the end of each month. We then both contribute a set amount to joint savings and keep the rest for ourselves. I save mine mostly, and he spends his mostly. Not a problem.

What's the long term plan for the savings? Will you go off travelling when you retire without him? Or be able to afford a better care home? Or help out your kids? What would be different if you put more into joint savings and less into your own account?

We've pooled everything since day 1. I was the bigger earner then by a factor of 2; now he's the bigger earner by a rather larger factor. Although he's earned the most overall, we wouldn't be where we are now without my income at the outset, and I also did most of the childcare. We're both fairly frugal, but if we needed to limit things, I think we'd go with equal amounts for personal spending.

We pay pro rata.

DH earns more than twice my salary. He pays more into the joint account and into the savings.

I know nothing about his pension and mine is NHS

We both spend as much or as little as we want but we do split big purchases holidays, furniture, etc 50:50 as we don't use savings for them if we can help it

I sympathise, he sounds like a wanker 💐

If you are married my view is everything should be joint money - don't quite get the 'personal account' bit. Surely both partners just have to be responsible with their joint 'fortune'.
Just my view obviously.

As others have said, can you not decide how much for savings and then divide the rest up so that you have equal spending money?

Together 10 year, married 5 and we just have access to all shared accounts now. We've both been the main earners at some points and both had times (separately) of very little income- redundancy, maternity, leaving terrible jobs. From very early on, we've managed it in a few different ways, but neither of us have ever had more money to spend than the other.

How we used to work it was that we put all our outgoings into a spreadsheet. Then we assigned spending money and money to go into joint savings. As our incomes have changed over the years, our contributions changed accordingly. So for example, at one point our finances might have looked like: All bills covered, £500 per month into joint savings, £200 per month overpay on mortgage, £450 each per month spending money. And we'd just adjust it according to our income.

We did used to have our own small savings accounts, where we might save up from our monthly spending allowance. Then we'd use that for big nights out, separate holidays, presents for each other, etc, if they cost more than we had that month from out 'allowance'.

But now we just take it from joint current and savings. Neither of us takes the piss. DH probably spends more on occasional nights out, but I spend more on hair and beauty. We're both going on separate holidays this year but I've no idea the cost difference.

It should be done percentage wise, IMO, given your set up.

We put everything into a joint account and then set a budget.

We do it proportionally. It's the fairest way.

YABU. You've disguised the sexes so we don't know if you're a savvy woman or a financially abusive man .