To think that NO this is NOT stalking?

[Adviceandacuppa]

So I’m currently going through court with an ex-partner of mine - he has a criminal record, is violent, everything going against him where as I’m the complete opposite so he is trying his best to find something to use against me.

One thing he has mentioned is that I ‘stalk him’ and let me explain why he believes that… he has social media pages that are completely open, not private, anyone can go on and have a look. On these pages he has people we both know, who have caught him out when he was lying about things - said he had no money to pay for the kids but was setting up garden displays for special occasions for other people, said he was unwell so couldn’t see the kids and yet was out and about with friends on his social media stories etc… now they send these to me as evidence to keep, I never ask them to or anything, there’s also been a couple of times I’ve felt he was lying about things to do with the kids and have checked it. No-one ever messages him on the page, harassed him etc.

Then a story came up about him in his local newspaper, which I stumbled across online (I’m a law student so I often study the pages where it shows who has been in court and what for etc).

From my point of view - if you have an open page, then expect it to be free to whoever sees it - if your page was private and someone was making a fake account to follow you and messaging you on there etc then that’s different. But it would literally be like influencers having an open instagram page and then when people click on there to see their stories saying they are ‘stalking them’, and as for the newspaper story - that’s on the internet for anyone to see regardless of how it was found or who found it.

AIBU to think he has no case with this and just is pissed off for keep being caught out in his lies which are now being used against him in court?

Doesn’t sound like it is, but what does your solicitor think?

It's not stalking when it's freely available for anyone to read.

@SheWoreYellow he told me to keep the screenshots from his stories…

@Adviceandacuppa what do you hope to achieve with this thread?

@ihatebojo the same as everyone else who posts on here - advice obviously. Why are you on this forum otherwise?

@ihatebojo ive reported your comment - it was pointless, and are you just trying to be goady or start something? If you can’t offer advice then don’t comment, it’s not down to you to decide what people are trying to ‘achieve’ with their posts thank you

If I understand it correctly, he claims you're stalking him because you've shown the court evidence from his freely available social media pages? Otherwise, how would he even know you'd done it.

That's not stalking, quite clearly. It's hard to see how he can claim to feel threatened or unable to go about his business as he pleases simply because he can't be arsed to lock down his social media account.

I've got alerts set up for certain names to email me when people of that name appear in the newspapers, so I can see what they've been up to and what sentence they've got. It's not "stalking" them and it's a misuse of the term to suggest it is.

But we can’t give you advice that is as good as your legal team?

No not stalking of course it's not if he's publicly showing off with his alternative reality. He's got what I used to call my son 'liars regret' and is now cross and straw-clutchy and lashing out at you. What a nob.

Good for you for reporting the above poster too. I remember getting comments like that on a thread I'd started or that I was making it all up and was a troll which added insult to injury of the steer of the original post!

@Dotjones thats literally it… hit the nail on the head!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss yep it’s free for anyone to literally see, I think it’s definitely he is just angry he has been caught out and is trying to deflect the attention elsewhere!

and I know it drives me mad, like why be on an advice forum and then ask why people have posted?! And obviously I’m not going to use this forum as an alternative to proper legal advice or medical advice etc but it’s nice to hear other people’s perspectives or if they’ve been through similar and can help, especially for those who might not have people to ask in real life!

Ok...

However, it was a genuine question, on a public forum. Not breaking any rules or being goady. It is something I put to myself many times when considering how to respond. What am I, (or they) hoping to achieve?

You are receiving legal advice, which I shall presume you are following.

Your OP and your emotional reaction to my genuine question suggests that there is more to this and so I can only repeat, what would you like the outcome of your situation to be?

You are the law student and you are asking randoms in mumsnet?

@ittakes2 i don’t study this part of law yet, I’ve just started not that long ago

It’s not stalking, but you can just admit you go on his Facebook page and Google him without coming up with these ridiculous stories about being “sent” stuff about him (who has time to be sending you screenshots from his Facebook page), and that you just happen to see obscure stories about him online.

@ilyx I’m not making it up about other people looking at his stories and why would I Google him for? He has my friends on his social media still and hasn’t removed them, so when I’m talking to them telling them he hasn’t paid for his kids for months - of course they are going to mention it!

You're being ridiculous, people are allowed to ask questions if your intentions are not clear to them

They're being goady in the same way you are stalking your ex.

Was overreaction and hyperbole the main thing you had in common?

What's the court case about? You stalking him?

Oops sorry posted too soon. Is it about you stalking him or is he the one being tried? Your lawyer/solicitor should be able to help with this.

Personally I don't see it as stalking but I am not privvy to all the facts.

Yes, this would appear to be relevant. Is he suing you, op?

(I’m a law student so I often study the pages where it shows who has been in court and what for etc)

Oh give over. We all read our local newspapers to see if we know any of the people in the 'rogues gallery' 😂No need to pretend it's for research purposes.

But however, your ex is being ridiculous.

I would stop going on any of his pages with your accounts and ask people to send you a screenshot if they see things. That way you also have the time and date it appeared and he doesn't know you have seen it.

But on the face of it, no i wouldn't call it stalking

Hmm, I was a law student once, and a lawyer for many years, and I don't think I ever found it necessary to check local papers to see who had been in court.
That actually does sound the sort of excuse a stalker would make. Sounds like you are certainly keeping tabs on him. Whether it fulfils the legal definition of stalking when viewed in conjunction the social media stuff and anything else that may have been going on is another question. You need proper legal advice it this is what you are being accused of.
"Stalking and harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed or threatened. There are different types of stalking and harassment and anyone can be a victim. Stalking and harassment are offences under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997."

Is this Family Court, OP?

If so, they will not be interested in him not paying for his children, and it could (only possibly) be used against you that you - or your friends - are monitoring him so closely.