To think that NO this is NOT stalking?

[Adviceandacuppa]

So I’m currently going through court with an ex-partner of mine - he has a criminal record, is violent, everything going against him where as I’m the complete opposite so he is trying his best to find something to use against me.

One thing he has mentioned is that I ‘stalk him’ and let me explain why he believes that… he has social media pages that are completely open, not private, anyone can go on and have a look. On these pages he has people we both know, who have caught him out when he was lying about things - said he had no money to pay for the kids but was setting up garden displays for special occasions for other people, said he was unwell so couldn’t see the kids and yet was out and about with friends on his social media stories etc… now they send these to me as evidence to keep, I never ask them to or anything, there’s also been a couple of times I’ve felt he was lying about things to do with the kids and have checked it. No-one ever messages him on the page, harassed him etc.

Then a story came up about him in his local newspaper, which I stumbled across online (I’m a law student so I often study the pages where it shows who has been in court and what for etc).

From my point of view - if you have an open page, then expect it to be free to whoever sees it - if your page was private and someone was making a fake account to follow you and messaging you on there etc then that’s different. But it would literally be like influencers having an open instagram page and then when people click on there to see their stories saying they are ‘stalking them’, and as for the newspaper story - that’s on the internet for anyone to see regardless of how it was found or who found it.

AIBU to think he has no case with this and just is pissed off for keep being caught out in his lies which are now being used against him in court?

I used to get screenshots from my ex’s social media page. They supported my suspicions and proved that I was right about certain things. What I will say is that, no, I don’t think this constitutes “stalking” as such, but once the court case is done, walk away from it. It will do YOU no good, other than cause you stress and more distress.
(Obviously I don’t know what the court case is about)

I wouldn’t call it stalking but it’s not normal.

Going on to his page or searching his name on an online newspaper is definitely concerning behaviour.

However, he could easily set his profile to private and the judge will probably just tell him to do that.

Why are you going though court?

You can check his open Facebook entries and read things about him in the papers, yet you report a poster asking a simple question on a public forum?
The irony

No the court case is nothing to do with me looking at his profile - it’s family court to do with children and arrangements. No-one keeps tabs on him either btw, it’s literally a case of one example - he couldn’t afford to pay child maintenance one month, said he had no money, so we received no money for the kids. I brought this up in conversation with a friend of mine who used to be a mutual friend with him and she mentioned she had seen a big display he had done for a family member’s birthday and a post he had written about how he had bought them loads of stuff etc… in the same month he couldn’t afford to pay me! So she sent me the post and I got in contact with child maintenance service etc. So it’s not like people are going out of their way to find information out about him - he is lying and then publicly posting things for anyone to see and catch him out on.

It's not stalking to read about something available online for anyone to read.

@Creativecrafts this was my main point to him - it’s unlocked profiles that anyone can have access to. It’s not like he has a private account and someone’s gone out of their way to make fake profiles and secretively follow him etc or harassing him on his social media - surely open information on the internet is free for anyone to read… if he feels so stalked by it why not change your settings to private?

@Creativecrafts and the news thing is totally he hasn’t got a leg to stand on sort of thing, anyone can read the bloody news!

Agreed. It's fine to look at his social media, but you'll make yourself look silly in front of the judge with convoluted stories about stumbling on stuff. Just say yes, you sometimes look at his social media. It's not an issue.

@TrashPandas its not stories though, he still had members of my family on his social media, friends of mine, people who I went to uni with from when we were together and a lot of lies he gets caught out on has come from them and that’s why they removed him in the end because they was sick of seeing him out living the lifestyle whilst not being a parent to his kids, I have looked a few times myself when I felt he was lying where the kids were concerned but not everything has come from me

Look, you can argue with us on here but the judge is really not going to believe you stumbled on news reports about your ex or that you never look at his social media (which you've just admitted you do, anyway).

@TrashPandas I haven’t said I have never looked at it though have I? All I’m saying is that other people have passed information to me.

No-one keeps tabs on him either btw, it’s literally a case of one example

But it’s happened more than just once though hasn’t it which why he’s going to say it’s stalking.

Regarding your court case I don’t think it really matters if you’re looking on his page or not.
Because unless you’re harassing him constantly then that has nothing to do with the children and access etc so he can’t use you ‘stalking’ him as an excuse.

I would presume these days, if they put stuff on e.g. Facebook and x person looks it up, then i don't see how that contravenes any laws ?

If he posts stuff online then you can look at it. There's no illegality or stalking there. He could choose to block you and your friends, he could choose not go publicise to the world what he's up to.

As anyone who studies or has studied law will know, you can’t make a judgement call based on one side of the story. We only have what you are telling us. On the face if it, it doesn’t sound like “stalking” but without hearing the other side of the argument how would anyone know?

Reading something in the public domain is not 'stalking'. Nor is a law student showing an interest in local crime.

It's in the public domain though it sounds like you are spending a lot of time online looking at information about him too.

FB is a curse and stalking people who you just want negative information on isn't good for whatever reason.

Exactly.

Ask them to stop. Is it doing you any good knowing this?