To eat some cereal that was in my kitchen

[Teenprobs]

My 19 year old son has just came in and went ballistic that his cereal he brought had been eaten. I assumed my DP had bought it when he did the shopping yesterday in tesco as normally we buy Aldi.

Just to clarify he usually eats elsewhere and sorts himself out, but he can 'eat' our food whenever he wants. I imagine he used My milk for 'his cereal'

To save the hassle I just said take it off your board this month.

AIBU, to think if he wants his own food he either needs to hide it in his room, or he needs to buy everything himself? Eg washing powder etc.

This all seems very odd to me. In our house, food has always been for everyone. If someone particularly likes something it gets added to the shop, but if other people want some of it, they can obviously have it too, and when its gone its gone. Surely that's just basic sharing?
I don't think its particularly healthy within a family for food to be so important its a huge treat that gets hoarded away, and causes arguments when someone else eats it.

I think he needs a smack down and a wake up call. There were some left. You said you would replace them. He takes freely from you. You are doing him a favour by having him. Honestly, who begrudges their pregnant mother a bowl of cereal?

If anyone in our house bought something for their own use I would respect the fact that it was their property. However he should have labeled it. YABU.

3 bowls of a box of cereal that isn't yours (and surely DP would have known they weren't yours) is a piss take

How’s she supposed to know without a label @SirGawain?

@5128gap Oh give over, there’s no need to be so pious. Either you don’t have yet or have never had kids old enough to go through the house like locusts before you even get a look on of the food YOU bought, or you have a budget big enough to buy everything in bulk. Oh, third option, you never buy any ‘treat’ food so no one goes after it.

This is how our house usually works!!! Maybe the odd sigh of oh I was looking forward to that magnum and the kids have eaten it but there's no particularly off-limits treats. I might hide 12 year old packed lunch bits in a different cupboard or something for a specific thing like popcorn for movie night but if it's in the treat drawer it's anyones etc. This cereal was on the side in the kitchen.

He doesn't usually eat cereal so probably had no idea of what cereal we have in as he's never here he leaves for work at 5am. But was ill all day saw me eat some cereal then was like oh cereal.. my son never buys cereal so it's not like its a common thing.. I think a clear lack of communication..

Tempting, tempting! But much better to buy ten boxes and hide them for your own personal consumption! Remember, modelling is important <scoff scoff>

My kids are only small, but honestly, the thought of them begrudging me a bowl of cereal one day, that I'd taken by mistake, makes me feel sad! Obviously I need to harden up before they're teenagers.

OP, YANBU. Your son was very rude. I can understand his point if you knew something was his and deliberately finished it off, but his reaction is crazy. Is he effectively saying then, that had you known it was his, and had asked him for a bowl, he'd have refused, because it's 'his cereal?' Mad.

Lol. None of those. I have 'children', now aged 20 to 30. Our food budget was always average I'd say, and yes we had treat food. I don't mean to sound pious either, just genuinely can't relate to it.
In our house, meals were provided, and chocolate, biscuits, cakes, crisps were in the cupboard, and the children could eat these after their meal. When they were young with permission, but by their teens, whenever they liked, and once it was gone, that was then it until the next shop. It really wasn't a big deal.

I think he bought it as we went away, for 3 nights and the magic refilling cupboards never happened. So he treated himself to his favourite cereal but branded obvs he's 19 (and sugar dont forget he bought sugar!) but didn't tell anyone and left it on the side.

I will have to test out if I'm allowed... I know he normally keeps chocolate bars and fizzy drinks etc in his room but I've never needed to ask before as he doesn't generally buy food.

I got told off once for using his toothpaste he had bought for a festival (it was after the festival) I moved out at 17 (with him) so I never had these issues with my mum

Does anyone remember the many, many posts where the OP has bought herself a treat, her DP has eaten it and he's called selfish and disgraceful for doing so?

We have washing machine wars quite often, he will leave his in the machine all day, or chuck mine out so I've started doing the same to him

I know this seems like a tiny thing but you have to be the bigger person. He's an adult, but his brain is still developing, he doesn't have much life experience and he won't learn better ways to deal with things if you constantly engage in petty tit for tat. Ask him for what you want, so if you need access to the washing machine, let him know that he needs to take stuff out immediately, or even check with you before doing a load, or if that doesn't work what about drawing up a timetable so he has set times/days he can use it and the rest of the time it's yours. Or just take the wet stuff out and leave it in a basket for him to deal with. Don't block the machine, that's just making him think "Well mum leaves it all the time so it's fine for me to do that too". He won't see it and think "Oh....crap....how annoying it is for others when I do that" Teenagers are too self centred to make that jump, you need to spell it out for them.

Likewise with the income etc - if you need more money then ask for higher rent. It's well below what he'd be paying in a house share etc so it's fine to increase that and/or ask for some specific contribution in return.

A box of cereal in a family kitchen hardly qualifies.

Never ok for a man to go “ballistic” at his mum…

What a jerk.

🤔....no. Honestly can't think of a single post where a partner has been called selfish and disgraceful for eating a bowl of cereal. Link?

I've apologised, and said please label anything not obvious in future and Will replace the box this week. I'm genuinely not a dick, nor is DP. Thanks for your input everyone...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2589639-To-be-pisses-off-at-dp-for-eating-my-cake

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3275748-AIBU-to-think-that-if-I-purchase-myself-a-delicious-and-fatty-treat

I'd be splitting the bills three ways after this (even though you and DH share a room), or at the very least write all the household costs down that he would need to contribute to if he were in a flat share.
Let him know that if he wants to speak to you again like he did then you would be happy to accommodate him buying his own groceries and you will keep to yours too, along with a kitty he needs to contribute to to pay for things like tea, sugar or salt and pepper.

I'd be annoyed if I'd bought something as a treat for me and it had been eaten by someone else.

@slashlover tbf those linked are where the greedy DH has eaten both his AND all of the OP's treats leaving the OP with nothing.
This is a case of some cereal taken from a box. OP didn't say she'd finished it all and son had none?

Two threads where in each case the partner ate the OPs treat after they'd also eaten their own. Both OPs put 'lighthearted' and the replies were in the same spirit. Not a bowl of cereal (or a whiff of the double standards you're so desperate to uncover) in sight.

I have a dc a similar age.
I don’t have any advice but I empathise massively with you saying (something like) he is a jumped up teen who thinks they are a fully functioning adult.

For some teens of this age, Covid set them back IME in terms of maturity. At a time they were 16/17/18 and should have been gaining much independence, part time jobs, going to pubs etc they were shut away with their parents.
this is not an excuse btw just my opinion as I think it has delayed them behaving more like young adults.

He was out of order.

They are only called selfish/greedy if they know OP bought it for herself and was really looking forward to it, but then eat it anyway. It's quite clear that this was done accidentally.

I would clear a kitchen cupboard just for his stuff to avoid it happening again. It's no big deal really. Not worth falling out over cereal.