To have mentioned this child's behaviour

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

We were at a toddler soft play yesterday, there were 7 children there. One LG aged roughly 3/4, LB aged 2 and the other 5 under 2's (inc. my LB).

The 2 year old LB was pushing the other kids, barging in front of them, snatching toys. Being general not rather nice.

One LG (under 2) was pushed twice, the second time in front of both parents, and the LG's Mum said to the LB 'don't push her'.

The 2 year old's Mum finally stopped chatting to her friends/looking at her phone and told the LG's Mum not to discipline her children.

The LG's Mum explained that her boy had been doing the things mentioned above and had already pushed her LG once before.

They started arguing and the 2 year old's Mum was getting in the LG Mum's face. Thankfully it stopped and the kids went on playing.

Next up, the 2 year old pushes my LB. I go over and pick my LB up and the 2 year olds Mum is nowhere to be seen. One of her friends was there and I just said 'this really can't continue, it's not fair'.

She explains that she's got her own LO to look after and I just said her friend needs to know.

The 2 year old's Mum then comes over to me (whilst I'm sat down with my LB on my lap), and gets in my face saying how she was in the toilet, she's pregnant and can't watch her LB all the time.

I explained that we should be keeping an eye on them and he has been naughty to the other kids too. She obviously takes offence to her LB being called naughty and starts telling me to get off my high horse.

She carries on and I remain calm but I won't be bullied by someone getting in my face. She then decides to call m a f-ing t*at and starts gathering her bits to leave. She also says I must be jealous of her (no idea why) then finally leaves.

I'm just wondering if it's normal behaviour to leave a 2 year old to roam free and not care if they are hurting other children?

She used the excuse that he's only 2 but surely we should be addressing all behaviour from an early age.

I feel like this is an experience that happens often and sadly won't be the last time it happens.

I do appreciate no one wants to hear their child is being naughty but I was only being factual.

She’s a lazy parent who went there to yak with her mate and not bother with her kid.

These parents do exist unfortunately, you had the bad luck to meet one. Shrug it off and try not to think too much about it.

Wow - she went from 0-100 in no time at all!

She's a lazy parent and if I was leaving my 2yo to go to the toilet I'd ask my friend to keep an eye on my child.

We experienced similar the other week - a 2 yr old girl barging my 2yr old out of the way, snatching and eventually grabbed my child by the back of the neck and pinched him. I said 'that's not kind' and removed my child. At which point the absent parent who had also been yacking with her mate around the corner appears and gets in my face about disciplining her child. I was heavily pregnant at the time and still managing to properly supervise my lo. I just ignored her, these kinds of parents do my head in. Watch your child!!

2 year olds push and snatch, the child was not "naughty". Yes he should have been supervised however I couldn't always watch my child like a hawk at 2 in the toddler soft play ( I did have a newborn!). The friend should've intervened but if your child is very passive it may have felt worse than it was if that makes sense. (My own child at 2 was a bit gung ho but so were a lot of his little friends and they would sort it out among themselves usually, sometimes with a redirection!).

The mother should not have resorted to swearing and getting in your face, however I imagine being pregnant she was feeling hormonal and probably embarrassed at having her parenting and her child judged.

I tend to use positive behaviour language for example "we use kind hands". It's what I model at school and it sounds much gentler especially when speaking to children that aren't mine if their parents overhear!

I'm sorry you had this experience though op, I know how upsetting it can be when confronted like how you've described!

Shit, lazy parent with extremely low self esteem by the sounds of it. I know kids raised by people like this, they have a lot of MH problems as teens.

Thanks for the responses. Seems like it's sadly the norm.

@Mammyloveswine I disagree. That behaviour is not acceptable therefore is naughty. We should be using positive language to encourage being kind to each other.

That is exactly what I said! But "don't push" is negative..positive behaviour language works much better, saying to a child "please use gentle hands/kind hands" reinforces the behaviour we want to see.

The use of the word "naughty" for a two year olds normal behaviour (Im not saying we shouldn't teach young children not to push and snatch but developmentally it is not intentionally "naughty" behaviour) is not appropriate and I hate hearing it used to describe very young children displaying normal behaviours.

I have said the parent or friend should have intervened and explained how I would have intervened by telling the child to use gentle hands/kind hands or explaining behaviour eg my dd was playing with that, thank you and taking the toy back for your dd.

I am agreeing overall that you weren't wrong to say something.

Issue is though, if you can’t supervise yourself (or can’t ask a friend) at 2, you go somewhere else. 2 year olds do need watching like a hawk a lot of the time.

‘we use kind hands” may also work with school age children, but 2 year olds need a firm no.

@underneaththeash I'm not saying a firm no can't also be used!

And it absolutely does work with 2 year olds to reinforce using kind hands! I've taught 2 year olds, 3 olds, 4 year olds!

Anyway I've already said that the child should have had intervention as despite being developmentally normal behaviours, pushing abs snatching obviously should be discouraged! I just said that the child wasn't being intentionally "naughty" and really the issue wasn't the child but the lack of intervention from the adults with the child (be that the mother or the friend).

I

Another lazy, immature excuse for a 'mother'. So easy to get pregnant, cab to do the parenting.

Her cheap talking ways tells you all about the parent and type of woman she is. I wouldn't let the likes of someone like her get to me.

@Mammyloveswine being pregnant isn't an excuse for being aggressive towards others. This woman had no reason to be swearing and getting in other people's faces. She's just an antisocial lowlife who is about to inflict her shit lazy parenting on another poor child.

Spot on!

Well, I have been there, I think the only thing you did wrong was to focus too muc on the child being naughty (He is too young to be responsible), instead you should focus on the mother being neglectful. I have (a good while ago now), spoke to staff about unsupervised children in kids play areas. (It sounds like a paid for/staffed place?). It is part of the H&S of the business that all children are supervised (particularly at this age). If they don't do anything then follow up with a complaint to management at a later date.

I wouldn't challenge the mother, especially with your young child present. I might be too sensitive but it isn't worth the risk of escalation.

I'm sorry it happened, it sound like it ruined the outing.

I hate to say it but I’ve never met a kid raised with the “kind hands” approach that didn’t grow up spoiled, ‘spirited’ and ill-disciplined. I’m sure that it can be done well but I’ve just seen so many examples of it being accompanied with things like being unable to use the words ‘naughty’ or ‘no’.

Anyway YANBU OP.

I think it's normal for a two year old to not really have much awareness of others and to push/snatch BUT that definitely doesn't mean you just don't say anything.

My little boy has been known to push sometimes (he's nearly two) usually only if he thinks another child is going to take what he's playing with off him.

I understand he's not being naughty because he doesn't really understand but I do tell him no and explain we need to be kind even if he doesn't understand everything I'm saying yet.

I watched mine like a hawk in soft play at that age because I knew he sometimes used to push and hit. If I went to the toilet I took him with me. If he continued pushing or hitting after being told not to, I’d take him straight home.

YANBU. She’s allowing her child to think pushing is ok and role modelling aggressive behaviour. I feel sorry for the child tbh.

I assume your baby is your first? All normal behaviour for a two year old and definitely not 'naughty' BUT absolutely needs to be managed by the parent and no the child should not be left unattended.

She should have been supervising her DC for sure .However as an ex Nursery School Teacher we never used the term "naughty" as this can reinforce bad behaviour and child can take on board the "naughty" tag very easily! meaning they get attention each time they play up to it

'If you had disciplined your child yourself then I wouldn't have had to'

Prepare to get pounced on by the nicey-nicey 'he's not misbehaving, he's just expressing himself/come on sweetheart, would you like to take that boy out of the headlock, use kind hands', culture of MN.

(I totally agree with you)

It’s not ok but I would have asked. Staff member to tell her

And also what is wrong with the word naughty being used these days. A 2yr can absolutely be naughty.

Well of course a 2 year can BE naughty, it's not called the terrible twos for nothing, its just that developmentally it is normal and healthy.