To have mentioned this child's behaviour

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

We were at a toddler soft play yesterday, there were 7 children there. One LG aged roughly 3/4, LB aged 2 and the other 5 under 2's (inc. my LB).

The 2 year old LB was pushing the other kids, barging in front of them, snatching toys. Being general not rather nice.

One LG (under 2) was pushed twice, the second time in front of both parents, and the LG's Mum said to the LB 'don't push her'.

The 2 year old's Mum finally stopped chatting to her friends/looking at her phone and told the LG's Mum not to discipline her children.

The LG's Mum explained that her boy had been doing the things mentioned above and had already pushed her LG once before.

They started arguing and the 2 year old's Mum was getting in the LG Mum's face. Thankfully it stopped and the kids went on playing.

Next up, the 2 year old pushes my LB. I go over and pick my LB up and the 2 year olds Mum is nowhere to be seen. One of her friends was there and I just said 'this really can't continue, it's not fair'.

She explains that she's got her own LO to look after and I just said her friend needs to know.

The 2 year old's Mum then comes over to me (whilst I'm sat down with my LB on my lap), and gets in my face saying how she was in the toilet, she's pregnant and can't watch her LB all the time.

I explained that we should be keeping an eye on them and he has been naughty to the other kids too. She obviously takes offence to her LB being called naughty and starts telling me to get off my high horse.

She carries on and I remain calm but I won't be bullied by someone getting in my face. She then decides to call m a f-ing t*at and starts gathering her bits to leave. She also says I must be jealous of her (no idea why) then finally leaves.

I'm just wondering if it's normal behaviour to leave a 2 year old to roam free and not care if they are hurting other children?

She used the excuse that he's only 2 but surely we should be addressing all behaviour from an early age.

I feel like this is an experience that happens often and sadly won't be the last time it happens.

I do appreciate no one wants to hear their child is being naughty but I was only being factual.

A compromise is to say loudly and firmly STOP ✋ holding your hand up too.

Also, teach your little one to do this.

It avoids the ‘naughty’ tag but is much more forceful than ‘kind hands, we don’t push’ etc.

I also teach 2-4 year olds. Some have had practically no parenting and need plainly showing right from wrong.

You don’t take a 2 year old to soft play if you can’t supervise them.

My 2yr old is feral, we have to keep a really close eye on her but she’s more of a runner. If she hurt other kids I think we would be all over that like a rash. YANBU, many 2yr olds behave like that, it’s your job as a parent to (try) to civilise them.

Missing point but..... LB / LG ?

There are enough acronyms here already

Little boy
Little girl

Completely with you OP. Once is an accident whilst parent is distracted. Multiple times is just shit anticipatory parenting.

You didn't do anything wrong OP, she was being a lazy parent. In fact I probably wouldn't have been so nice about it.

I recently saw a group of mums chatting away together, nothing unusual about that, one of them was asleep and the rest were just relaxing together.
There was a young child, around 2 who was left to roam the play ground which included climbing up a very high slide that they almost fell off, it was very concerning but I made sure my children were helping them and I was right there to help if needed.

The child also got hurt at one point in a different area, no adults went to comfort them but all the older children around made sure all was ok, I had no idea who the child belonged to until I saw them going over to the group of mums and hanging off of the sleeping one.
I fully understand it’s exhausting being a mum but I did feel it was quite irresponsible to leave such a young child to roam around without supervision, maybe I was too much of a helicopter parent when mine were that small.

I'm just wondering if it's normal behaviour to leave a 2 year old to roam free and not care if they are hurting other children?

No you're not 😂

YANBU

I come across a child like this at the playgroup I take my dd to. He’s about 3 and he runs around, pulling the other children off bikes and trying to run over other children’s legs. His mum is a twat - she doesn’t correct him. It really annoys me - he spoils the environment. And she just sits on her bum talking to other mums. She plonks her baby down too and leaves her. Once, this kid went up to my dd and shook his fist in her face and then tried to hit her with a toy. I told him off but you could see he couldn’t care less.

My 2 year old knows you don’t hit - she wouldn’t do it. Boys of course can be a bit rough, especially if they have older siblings who do the same to them. Ultimately if your child does this, you follow them around and you correct them or you don’t make a nuisance of yourself in a public place and keep your antisocial behaviour at home.

YANBU to expect the parent to watch their child. My ds (now age 7) who’s diagnosed with autism started pushing other children around age 2 especially smaller ones at any play group we went to. I would helicopter around him to keep other children safe I was mortified if any children came too close and got hurt and would apologise and leave straight away although thankfully most of the time I managed to stop him. I would never leave him unattended and I used to feel so envious of the other mums who could sit around having a brew and catch up with their friends. I often left in tears it was very stressful so I stopped going to regular play groups opting for only SEN ones but even then the other parents would all be sat around having biscuits and tea whilst I (also pregnant at the time) would be trying to stop my child from attacking their children who they weren’t supervising and kept coming over and taking toys from my son which would trigger him to lash out. I just stopped going out to groups with him as I figured maybe he wasn’t enjoying being around other children and hitting out at them was his way of showing me he was stressed in that environment. Luckily my son is now amazing with little ones since his NT brother and sister have arrived and we’ve shown him how to treat them and make them smile, he’s now the sweetest most caring little boy around little ones and now at any sen groups we’ve been to he would rather go to give little ones a cuddle or a toy (with full supervision from his helicopter mum still of course) But it’s been a very bumpy 5 years to get the this point with lots of help from his special school and it’s only the past few months I’ve introduced him to his younger cousins when I felt he was ready. I feel sorry for the mum in a way as she’s probably in denial if there are any issues BUT she still has full responsibility to keep her child from harming others and if she can’t do that then she shouldn’t be going to places that are causing her child to lash out.

No wonder her child is acting that way! Glad you said something!

The friend should've intervened but if your child is very passive it may have felt worse than it was if that makes sense.

sorry if have picked this up wrong but are you meaning it's on ops child for being 'passive'?

Sadly, the child is only going to get worse with a mother who fails to discipline her and who will call a stranger a f*king twt openly and in public. All you can do is try to minimise your contact with people like this as much as you possibly can. You were right to call her out. That takes courage, especially with someone aggressive.

My lad is 27 now but if he'd done this as a nipper I'd be appalled if someone said he was being a twat and he'd be frogmarched out of there

"Don't push" is negative behaviour language

And so?

"Don't push" is a clear, simple instruction to STOP a negative behavior. Ideal for a 2 year old.

"Kind hands" is an unclear suggestion. Can be construed in various ways - are you asking the child to give someone a stroke? A pat? Not to pinch them?

I am so glad we're past the soft play stage. I remember taking my DS when he was only about 18 months old. He went to climb up some steps into a little playhouse and a much bigger girl barged in front of him, turned round at the top of the steps, planted her foot in his chest and pushed him off backwards, and her mum, who had watched the whole thing, marched right up to me and said 'She didn't do it.' I was too dumbfounded to respond. I know they're very young and it's normal behaviour, but it needs attentive parents on hand to manage it.

The children clearly aren't the problem here.

Maybe (from what I read on MN) soft play just attracts this type of person.

The 'jealous' comment is particularly hilarious. Why, why do people always think others are jealous of them when they express a critical opinion?

No answers, sorry - but sympathy.

chav parent perhaps?