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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn’t be randomly knocking on my door.

30 replies

PlentyMorePebbles · 22/08/2022 19:52

I’m a single mum who went for a few coffees etc with a neighbour’s son. It is basically a neighbourly friendship, nothing else has come of it. Usually we communicate by messaging each other but then he decided to start knocking on my door for a chat. He has done this two other times later in the day and again this morning. To be fair is was around 11:30am, I really wasn’t feeling well (have had a strange bug which comes and goes) so was watching telly in what I’d slept in (vest top basically and sarong for decency) and my DC was naked from the waist down.

I didn’t really feel like speaking to anyone so basically said “nice to see you but sorry DC is half naked” and shut the door.

I was probably a bit rude but am I right I’m really pissed off that he thinks he can randomly knock on my door for a chat.

There is a huge team of builders renovating next door but one (who I’m sure aren’t remotely interested in me 😆) but I wondered if he was trying to stake some kind of claim. Every time it’s happened, the builders have been there.

Another time we went out to an evening activity thing and he wanted me to practice with home all night, rather than with the rest of the group.

AIBU? This is odd right?

OP posts:
Original poster
PlentyMorePebbles · 22/08/2022 19:53

**Him not home

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · 22/08/2022 19:55

He fancies you.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2022 19:56

Have you made it clear that you are just friends and set boundaries? You were rude and it's no way to communicate with someone who is supposed to be a friend.

StoneofDestiny · 22/08/2022 20:00

Pretty rude!

ScreamingMeMe · 22/08/2022 20:00

EH?

Original poster
PlentyMorePebbles · 22/08/2022 20:08

I was just really embarrassed that we were both basically half-dressed. Usually we’d be up and dressed by 9 but I was feeling so rough this morning.

Personally, I don’t randomly knock on friends doors like that for a chat. I don’t mind if there’s an actual reason.

OP posts:
Whatwherehowwhenwho · 22/08/2022 20:12

It’s a very weird world these days when people can’t even knock on doors anymore without a prior appointment.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2022 20:12

So have you made clear that you are mates and that you want him to text etc you before he turns up?

girlmom21 · 22/08/2022 20:14

He clearly fancies you

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 22/08/2022 20:27

It is basically a neighbourly friendship, nothing else has come of it

Either he views it as more than a neighbourly friendship or he has different boundaries to you and doesn’t realise that you want your friends to call rather than just dropping in unannounced. The evening activity thing makes me think it’s the former, rather than the latter.

Johnnysgirl · 22/08/2022 20:31

Bizarre...

AnotherAnxiousMess · 22/08/2022 20:49

Yeah, I think he fancies you. When he knocks, is it to just tell you something or is a full on chat that goes on for 30 minutes? Cos the latter would piss me off too.

Original poster
PlentyMorePebbles · 22/08/2022 22:44

AnotherAnxiousMess - The first time it was to tell me something (but he easily could have messaged). The other times, including today just to ask how I am etc.

I wasn’t bothered the other times but if really pissed me off this morning because I was ill and not really dressed.

There was a parcel on the doorstep so I assumed it was a delivery person.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 22/08/2022 22:49

I agree with the others, he fancies you. Just be a big girl and ask him to text first to see if its convenient to pop round. Explain that you felt really ill this morning and didn't want to talk to anybody.

pumpkinpie01 · 22/08/2022 23:03

Well he's got the hots for you ! But I'm thinking you don't feel the same ?!

avamiah · 22/08/2022 23:08

Yes he likes you that’s obvious so if you don’t want it to go any further then tell him.

MangyInseam · 22/08/2022 23:32

It's less common for people to just drop by now, but it still happens in some social circles, and it used to be very common. If you'd prefer he call first you should say so.

allinatizzy · 22/08/2022 23:38

If I wasn't comfortable being seen as I was dressed, I wouldn't even have opened the door without changing or throwing on a robe.

And yes, he's probably hoping for a relationship with you.

Johnnysgirl · 22/08/2022 23:38

MangyInseam · 22/08/2022 23:32

It's less common for people to just drop by now, but it still happens in some social circles, and it used to be very common. If you'd prefer he call first you should say so.

You make it sound like some anachronistic practice that nobody of any breeding would consider doing these days!
People still do whatever they want.

agedasiago · 22/08/2022 23:40

Next time you talk, tell him you prefer people call or text first. I do that as well as I WFH and am on calls and netmeetings a lot so I may not be able to come to the door, but if someone asks we can agree a convenient time to stop by and save them a wasted trip and/or me an interruption.

Saying nice to see you but can't talk now and why (even though it's true, and I don't think you were rude) won't deter him in general, he'll just think it was a random unlucky choice of time.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2022 23:44

Whatwherehowwhenwho · 22/08/2022 20:12

It’s a very weird world these days when people can’t even knock on doors anymore without a prior appointment.

Not when we now live in a world with mobile phones. A quick text/call asking if it's ok to pop in is basic courtesy. Just showing up at someone's door is fucking rude and totally unnecessary.

5foot5 · 22/08/2022 23:53

There was a parcel on the doorstep so I assumed it was a delivery person.
Did you already know there was a parcel on the doorstep before he knocked? Or did you see there was a parcel as you went to answer the door? So in a way he did you a favour as if you hadn't answered the door the parcel might have stood there for a long time.

Ihatethenewlook · 22/08/2022 23:59

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2022 23:44

Not when we now live in a world with mobile phones. A quick text/call asking if it's ok to pop in is basic courtesy. Just showing up at someone's door is fucking rude and totally unnecessary.

Show quote history

I agree. I don’t mind a friend or a neighbour knocking to borrow something quickly etc, but I don’t like people inviting themselves round for a social visit without checking first. I literally live next door to my best mate and even we message each other first to see if it’s ok to come round for a chat. We’re both busy with full time jobs, 3 kids each and the majority of our time at home is spent frantically trying to catch up with house work or actually putting our feet up for a bit when we can. I’d love to not be so busy that I’d appreciate my mates banging on my door whenever they felt like it, unfortunately that’s not the case though.

Original poster
PlentyMorePebbles · 23/08/2022 00:04

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2022 23:44

Not when we now live in a world with mobile phones. A quick text/call asking if it's ok to pop in is basic courtesy. Just showing up at someone's door is fucking rude and totally unnecessary.

Show quote history

Agree, he totally caught me out and it was really embarrassing.

OP posts:
backupplan1 · 23/08/2022 00:11

Well at least he's seen you at your worst now OP. I just don't answer the door or I peek through the door to see who it is first.
I'm not a fan of people just showing up