Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things have changed so much , so quickly?!

647 replies

doodlywoodlydingdong · 22/08/2022 18:07

I just had my grown up kids around for dinner, not unusual but it got me thinking how much things have changed in the last 3 years. We are a very typical family. I'm 45 , 4 kids aged 13-25. Between me and my DH we have an income of around £34k but very soon it's going to drop by £4k annually.

Three years ago I would go food shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted. If I fancied it, it went into the trolley. Full English breakfast every Saturday, big fat roast dinner with a nice joint every Sunday. Two v cheap foreign holidays a year. I enjoyed making our money stretch as far as it possibly could with holiday bargains etc. Christmas was always glorious with loads of food and some nice gifts. Lots of entertaining. fast forward 3 years.

Today I was stood in the kitchen picking the meat off 6 chicken thighs to feed seven adults and a baby. The roast dinner was totally packed out with veg and spuds. Barely any chicken compared to what I would have served 3-4 years ago. I can't stretch to a joint of pork anymore, a whole chicken is a rare treat. So thighs it is. My kids are eating more and more pasta /noodles based dishes with hot dogs as protein. I have to think twice about what is the most efficient method to cook whatever meal it is to save money on the electric. My dogs are now on the cheapest possible kibble I can find. I was actually relieved when my lovely old cat suddenly died (?!) as I wouldn't have to find the extra money for vets fees as she was knocking on a bit. Thats now £ 18 a month I'm saving on litter and food and I feel like a monster for even typing that.

I use the l local food waste project wherever I can, save every penny I can, but ultimately I'm going to have to give up my mobility car as the money would be much better in my pocket . The trade off is that I will then be house bound and that "freed up " money will be going straight to EON from October .

AIBU to have a feeling of almost grief over all of this? It's been very slow and gradual trickling of price increases etc but suddenly it's taken 6 chicken thighs to push me over the edge and be ridiculously angry and upset about how our money can purchase so much less these days?

OP posts:
Lightning020 · 23/08/2022 07:54

I havent been able to afford a holiday in over 10 years or more. So it is not as if I had a great lifestyle to start with.

I have always been quite spendthrift with food but I have kept a much closer eye on it this year. It won't do me any harm to live off the fat of the land as I need to lose a good 10 pounds in weight.

I have cut out many luxuries however and know that going forward I am unlikely to be able to afford them again.

Not much to look forward to really is there! Giving up the car soon and the one silver lining is I will at least be much fitter for it. I work from home. Buying a bike instead plus walking will add years to my life at least.

faffadoodledo · 23/08/2022 08:07

@Lightning020 and you still manage to sound positive. You're amazing. Hope you get fitter and more fabulous as an unintended consequence of losing the nice things in your life. It does feel like an approaching storm, and we are all reacting on different ways

Miajk · 23/08/2022 08:09

antelopevalley · 22/08/2022 23:57

The rich always tell the poor to take responsibility. It is another way to say it is your fault if you are poor, you have only yourselves to blame, and we deserve our riches.

No not really.

Taking personal responsibility is important. No one is forcing you to go on holidays, have kids, not save.

I'm from a different.country and moved to the UK with no qualifications and worked minimum wage, zero hour contract jobs.

I didn't go on holidays or decide to have kids, because I understood that would be stupid. I tries to save to get qualifications.

I'm in a much better position now but I still wouldn't just go and have 4 kids and think that's a reasonable idea. Why is it so hard for people to take responsibility rather than do what they want and hope they get a bailout? It's not a mindset I've seen outside of Britain.

In this country there's so much you can do to avoid poverty and maybe we should educate people on how best to do that. The government is shit but unless we start a revolution I'm not sure just sitting and crying about it will help anybody.

HintofVintagePink · 23/08/2022 08:10

You’ve done so well so far OP and YANBU.

I’ve started bulking out meals with extra veg and things like Yorkshire puddings or a couple of slices of bread. We have 2 DC and one is already eating adult portions.

daisychain01 · 23/08/2022 08:11

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 22/08/2022 20:15

And I can't down size as my house has been adapted for my specific disabilities. We have already moved down onto the first floor and "closed off" the top two bedrooms. They are freezing cold all the time in the winter so makes more sense to stay on the first floor

Have you actually spoken to the Council? They’re so desperate for family homes they might be happy to adapt either a bungalow or ground floor flat and help you move. Especially if they’ve got one already partially adapted that won’t need that much extra work.

I agree - it seems such a waste to have to close off accommodation when the 5 bedroom house could be redeployed to a young family and potentially grandparents.

I'm sure you could get the same adaptations made in a bungalow and it would be less for you to heat, light and maintain. I'm a volunteer caseworker and I'm currently supporting a similar case, so it is possible and would help you in the longer term to be in more appropriately sized accommodation.

lemons44 · 23/08/2022 08:14

Sorry everyone is being so mean OP.

With regards to cheap protein, please consider and research using beans and lentils. They are so cheap, really filling and there's lots of delicious recipes. We now make chilli using beans and curry using lentils etc. huge big potions for very low cost. They are also likely better protein than hot dogs.

ShesNotTheMessiah · 23/08/2022 08:17

Things have changed very quickly for a lot of people and for the country as a whole. What's the saying... “At first you go bankrupt slowly, then all at once.”

It feels like we've got to the brink of "all at once".

Cyw2018 · 23/08/2022 08:19

Ellatella · 22/08/2022 22:38

My dad gets high rate pip care and mobility and not a chance he'd manage all that. He'd be exhausted and in no fit state. I'm surprised people claiming high rate are able to do so much. If you see the questions they ask for you to qualify I don't see how they'd be able to.

I am confused, but my knowledge of PIP assesments isn't enough to judge anything. But I was always under the assumption that for higher rate PIP that you would have to be struggling to achieve even basic tasks, like only being able to make a basic sandwich with difficulty, yet OP is making roast dinner for the familiy of 6. So I assume that there must be alternative points to score for her immunocompromised state.

Sisisimone · 23/08/2022 08:22

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 23/08/2022 03:52

"Three years ago I would go food shopping and buy pretty much whatever I wanted. If I fancied it, it went into the trolley."

I never had the luxury of that, even with two adults working as f/t professionals. That's because we chose to save for a rainy day.

I dont think I've ever read such a sanctimonious, irritating post.

User45446 · 23/08/2022 08:31

Hi OP, I skimmed through the thread and see it's a bit of a rabble of angry people. It's better to watch anger than experience it so just take a deep breath and relax.

I am in a similar situation with finances, and I understood what you meant about shopping freely. There's a big difference between walking around the supermarket and checking each item is good value before purchasing, and walking round the supermarket with £3.47 in change and a dinner for 4 to purchase. I've been in both positions and I expect more of the latter in the coming months. I don't know if you have been on money saving expert? I was on that in the past when I was getting rid of debts and it helped me keep a budget. I think it is helpful to try to turn it into a challenge and see how much you can achieve on a small budget. It sounds like you have already been doing that though tbh, and I think you sound like you have a good attitude towards money and value, and the things you value seem to include your family. You sound like my kind of person tbh.

I know your son has just got his flat but it may be really worth a conversation about all of you living together and sharing costs, for both him and you. This is a very uncertain time to be starting out yourself. I am looking for a forum to get advice about costs and what is coming. I don't think it is mumsnet. It's (can be) angry and it's very invalidating. Although I do see the many lovely posters too.

I can understand the grief, you were in a place you knew and understood and now the rugs been pulled a bit? I am hoping it will be okay and we will all get through this. Having 4 kids to worry about will add to that. But it is important (I think) to just take each thing as it comes, while planning as much as possible.

I don't know if you will read this. But I hope you have a lovely day.

LuluBlakey1 · 23/08/2022 08:46

'I am not a stupid person, I've got a BA and an MA. I am genuinely struggling to get my head around how we as a country have sleep walked into this situation'.

Because we are a nation where the greedy and entitled make up the majority. They voted Tory for the last 12 years and, those of them who are Tory party members, are about to elect Liz Truss- who will be a financial and environmental disaster- as PM.

We have spent 12 years as a country stripping money out of public services and our local councils until they are on the point of collapse. We have no substantial industry to compete on the world market because the only investment has been in low-skill, low-quality service industries like hospitality, catering, retail- which are quick to collapse as soon as the shit hits the fan in a recession. They are also the reason our country is full of hideous out of town 'retail parks' which suit big retail businesses and fast food places, create huge amounts of litter as the British public drive through the fast food joints, scoff their cheap, unhealthy, cruelly produced burgers and chicken bits and then chuck all the containers out of the car window as they drive. They do the same on our seafronts with fish and chip and fast food wrappers and in our towns and cities. Thry dump their rubbish in the countryside and don't card what damage any of this causes.

We have elected a government for 12 years who are only interested in the richest 10% and in making them richer. More billionaires, by a huge margin, have been created since Johnson came to power than in any equivalent time period ever. And more children and vulnerable people have fallen into poverty than in any equivalent time since the second world war. Yet people have continued to vote Tory.

We have allowed water companies to dump millions of hours of raw sewage into our rivers and seas snd now have the filthiest beaches in Europe. 18% of our beaches and rivers are clean. Denmark is 90%, Germany 89%. Portugal 89% .Why? Because water companies are privately owned and put profit before everything. They have not invested in maintaining and developing infrastructure so our sewers are struggling, pipes are unrepaired and we waste over a trillion litres of water a year in leaks, and we have not developed future clean water processing systems to meet the needs of a growing population and ridiculously huge house-building programme (that is not about providing 'desperately needed homes but about making very rich Tory builders even richer). Truss cut millions from the Evviro agency earmarked for protecting and developing clean water

www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/aug/22/liz-truss-environment-agency-cuts-sewage-water-pollution?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other.

We voted for Brexit which will reduce us to a small, struggling, isolated nation and we are already seeing the effects of it and there are many more to come over the next decades.

We are a nation where a large percentage of us never read anything intelligent about any of these issues- and are then shocked by the effects of the issues but we still sit back and do fuck-all about it. We elect our PMs based on 'charm' it seems and are already regretting Johnson going and saying Starmer doesn't have much 'charm' so we can't see how we would vote for him. We are stupid- the Daily Mail is the biggest selling and read paper and people believe its lies hate-stirring and fear-mongering.

We sold off energy companies and are in the same shit with them fir the same reasons as we are with water companies. Meanwhile they are making billions. Neither the government (who approve of them making billions) nor the regulators will intervene. And we just grumble.

We are nowhere near food self-sufficient. We import potatoes, carrots, broccoli, swede, brussel sprouts, apples, tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries- things we could be self-sufficient in. it's sll to do with profit. Buy it at Sainsbury's or another supermarket and they buy in such bulk they pay really low prices, haul it round the country or fly it in on planes and make millions. We could pay our own farmers more to grow more- but there's no one to pick it. There are other low-paid jobs that unskilled British people prefer because they are warmer, easier to get to. Farmers buy in foreign workers from across the world. If we paid them more, they could pay better wages and attract local people.

We insist on eating massive amounts of meat. We kill 150 million animals a month in this country for food. It's disgusting. Many are reared in sheds where hundreds are penned together under electric lights, never see daylight and are then taken, terrified to abattoirs. We now have over 1000 mega farms doing exactly this. That's where most of the meat you eat comes from. It's inhumane and terrible environmentally. Most British people don't care as long as they get their steak, lamb, chicken, Sunday roast, cheap burgers.

We are obsessed with trivial rubbish and status,: celebs, the car we drive, the clothes we wear, the electronic devices we own, jewellery, trainers, smart holidays- all as cheap as possible please and replaced next year to keep up with next door/friends.

We are rotting our country with landfill because we are wasteful - food, packaging and perfectly decent, usable clothes/furniture/toys that we just throw away because we feel like it.

We've involved ourselves in a war that is not our war. Ukraine is a highly corrupt place where the power is held by oligarchs not the government, where law and order mean very little there is so much corruption. Russia is the same. We should have let them get on with it. We have spent billions creating this mess and sooner or later they will have to settle it.

We have an NHS on the verge of collapse and about to be sold off and asset-stripped by American private equity companies- we will be paying for our healthcare at the point of delivery within 5 years, either through insurance or cash.

We're a selfish nation with a view of this country based on 75 years ago. We have no industry, the lowest wages, lowest living standards, biggest child poverty figures in Western Europe. We have the most polluted beaches snd rivers, are paying thousands more for energy than countries which relay much more than we do on Russian gas because we are a capitalist country with a government that has a very right-wing agenda and does not intervene to reduce profits and protect people.

I am sick of this country - of our political, our selfish, ignorant people and the empty, shallow, culture that exists. I would happily emigrate to somewhere cool in northern Europe or Ireland but they wouldn't have us anymore as citizens, just as migrants.

mojokoloko · 23/08/2022 08:47

God this thread is actually giving me flashbacks.

When I was a family carer, living in poverty, working 24 hours a day to look after my quadriplegic family member, there was literally nothing I could do that wouldn't have people going after me on here. People would tell me the most amazing bullshit about how they were sure I could get this adaptation or that (when in reality there are all kinds of technicalities that prevent access to adaptations). People were angry that we got full DLA (not PIP at that time). I remember often being told to sell my computer and stop complaining: some working people didn't HAVE computers.

My life is so so much easier now. I work a normal, easy job (got through keeping that computer) only 60 hours a week and have choices in my life. I do not get pneumonia every winter any more, though my life will always be foreshortened because of those years and the hard hard living I had. And nobody TREATS me like THIS any more.

People hate disabled people and cannot help themselves. They can't even see the bile oozing from their fingers. They think these reactions are just and righteous.

I'm sorry, OP. I'm sorry our country is like this.

NellesVilla · 23/08/2022 08:48

OP, I know it’s not a race to the bottom but think how you’re much better off than many in the world and in this country.

I can’t believe how cheap your rent is- that’s absolutely amazing. I could be all bitter and tell you how- if I rent just a small 1 bed private flat in my area- it’d cost me a minimum of £1000 pcm, but I won’t be.

Please be grateful for your council home as I know a couple of families who could only dream of this.

I currently live in free (in return for work) accommodation and will not be a priority for council housing or anything like that. I’m already panicking at paying private rent alone as I can’t live with others.

Re food- do the TooGoodToGo app. If you’ve not yet used it, after registering you can reserve bags of food worth £20 for around £5 etc. I live off this and freeze all the meat for my dog.

nettie434 · 23/08/2022 08:50

faffadoodledo · 22/08/2022 18:50

I think some politicians need to read what @doodlywoodlydingdong has just written. It's very powerful.
They won't. Obviously. But they ought

That's what I think too but they won't because Doodlywoodlydingdong has shown so well the consequences of their decisions.

I wish I had some useful tips but it looks as if you are already doing the things you can control. The problem is that so many of us are in that income bracket in which rises in energy, fuel and food have meant that we have moved from managing ok to not.

Manekinek0 · 23/08/2022 08:51

Ultimately it doesn't matter if you believe the OP should be able to afford foreign holidays, to eat meat most days or to live in a house too big for her family. It is now sink or swim. I don't think the government can fix the mess they have caused easily. So those who can cut back, work more hours and adapt will make it work and those unwilling or unable to do will suffer miserably. The safety net we have all taken for granted is gone, and all the whinging in the world isn't bringing it back.

Where the OP does have significant disadvantages she is also incredibly lucky with her housing situation and has options available to her.

The world has changed and people need to let go of the ridiculous expectations they have regarding living standards. The line between necessity and luxury has been blurred and getting upset about eating chicken thighs is embarrassing.

PearlclutchersInc · 23/08/2022 08:52

Dont give up your car - it has the insurance paid and gives you some freedom. Believe me you'll regret it so try and find an alternative.

DesertOrchi · 23/08/2022 08:54

Why do you not negotiate with the council or housing association re swapping to a smaller home with the required conversions for the same or lower rent?I am sure they have a large family looking for a property the size of yours.
May I ask why you are CEV ?

Cyw2018 · 23/08/2022 09:00

@LuluBlakey1
Yet people have continued to vote Tory.

It is not simply down to people voting Tory, it is also people actively choosing NOT to vote Labour, or not to vote at all. I for one currently feel politically homeless at the moment.

The responsibility for the lack of a viable opposition party wholely sits with the Labour Party.

The idea that anyone offering up, difficult and not completely satisfactory advice to OP are therefore rightwinged Tory voters is ridicolous and insulting. No amount of Empathy for OP situation is going to help her this winter. The Tories are not suddenly going to become fluffy and generous. It is a crap situation, and IF part time WFH or downsizing are possibilities, even if difficult and fair from ideal, then they are reasonable suggestions.

SnackSizeRaisin · 23/08/2022 09:02

We have a similar income although different circumstances and not on any benefits, but similar to the OP have always been able to have a nice life on that income, holidays, a car, nice food. We've always bought most things second hand but it hasn't felt restricted. Now it feels that we are going to have to compromise our lifestyle for the first time. Obviously we are lucky to live in a country with a safety net so that few people are genuinely poor in the sense of not having healthcare, education, a roof and enough food. But you can still feel sad about seeing your standard of living fall. Especially when it's largely a political decision.
There was huge inflation after the second world war. A labour government invented the NHS during that time. Lots of social housing was built. Standards of living improved for all. It really doesn't have to be this way

quiteathome · 23/08/2022 09:04

It is rubbish- and it is OK to feel sad. I think we all are. I think also we can't see an end to price hikes and rises, this is how it is now. And most of us will have to make adjustments. And I am feeling sad about that and I am in a comfortable position.

One of the saddest thinkgs is probably the vitriol on threads like this. We are in this together and we need to work out how to help each other. Whilst we fight between ourselve we won't be holding the government to account. They want that.

Tabbouleh · 23/08/2022 09:05

Manekinek0 · 23/08/2022 08:51

Ultimately it doesn't matter if you believe the OP should be able to afford foreign holidays, to eat meat most days or to live in a house too big for her family. It is now sink or swim. I don't think the government can fix the mess they have caused easily. So those who can cut back, work more hours and adapt will make it work and those unwilling or unable to do will suffer miserably. The safety net we have all taken for granted is gone, and all the whinging in the world isn't bringing it back.

Where the OP does have significant disadvantages she is also incredibly lucky with her housing situation and has options available to her.

The world has changed and people need to let go of the ridiculous expectations they have regarding living standards. The line between necessity and luxury has been blurred and getting upset about eating chicken thighs is embarrassing.

Yes. But posters insist there is enough to go around for everybody in the UK to live as they always did in the good old days. Personally I don't think there is. Doesn't make me a Tory shill; makes me realistic. Winter is coming.

LuluBlakey1 · 23/08/2022 09:07

Cyw2018 · 23/08/2022 09:00

@LuluBlakey1
Yet people have continued to vote Tory.

It is not simply down to people voting Tory, it is also people actively choosing NOT to vote Labour, or not to vote at all. I for one currently feel politically homeless at the moment.

The responsibility for the lack of a viable opposition party wholely sits with the Labour Party.

The idea that anyone offering up, difficult and not completely satisfactory advice to OP are therefore rightwinged Tory voters is ridicolous and insulting. No amount of Empathy for OP situation is going to help her this winter. The Tories are not suddenly going to become fluffy and generous. It is a crap situation, and IF part time WFH or downsizing are possibilities, even if difficult and fair from ideal, then they are reasonable suggestions.

I never said they weren't. If you look at the quote at the top of my post, I am answering the OP's question- that's all. I'm not criticising anyone else's post- didn't even read them.

TheGirlWhoLived · 23/08/2022 09:08

I can see it from both sides.

There will always be people in worse positions (disabled but no house; partner can’t work; no foreign holidays; young children that need childcare and school clubs and masses of clothes/food/uniform)

There will always be people in better positions- obviously rishi and co, but also two incomes, no disabilities, well paid jobs, nice standard of living

There will be always be people living on the never, never. Debt up to their eyeballs to afford what to be seen as happy and wealthy (from both camps).

We are all sailing the same sea, in very different boats. Some are steaming ahead, some are sinking, some are drifting along…. But capsizing someone else’s boat won’t make yours stay afloat!

Too often are these threads about “oh but it could be worse, look at x example, don’t moan, don’t whinge, be content” why can’t it just be ok that it’s a bit different from what the OP is accustomed to.

Take out the 5 bed council house (fortunate) take out the debilitating disability (unfortunate) you can’t compare tit for tat all the time!

Walkacrossthesand · 23/08/2022 09:14

Does the Haribo advert, with adults talking like children, remind anyone else of our current leaders, playing at Government with no clue that government is about actively running a country, rather than regarding it as a profit-making resource for your pals in big business?

Stripyhoglets1 · 23/08/2022 09:18

On a practical level contact your council about a move. They may well be desperate for an adapted house with 5 bedrooms for another family - and might agree to move you to somewhere smaller which is already adapted or can be adapted.

In response to other points the politicians don't care - they'd just comment like some posters did about you not both working full time and that you've had it good for a long time. Tbh they do t think someone on benefits should be able to go on holiday or have a comfortable life.