Friend & money

[Whoopwhoop22]

Unsure whether I am BU or if friend is taking the piss.

I have fairly well paid job, when I say fairly well paid it's ok for me but by no means am I a high earner but I manage well. I am frugal with my wages, I save and only buy what I need when I need it. I certainly don't waste it. Friend on the other hand works 4 days and has a lower paid job but won't think much of spending silly amounts of money on designer clothes, takeaways, alcohol, fags and getting her nails done and she is basically always skint.

Almost on a daily basis at the moment I am receiving text messages asking for £10, £20, £30, £40 for food, drink etc To be fair she has always paid it back when she says she will until recently. £50 she borrowed last week hasn't been paid back when she said she'd pay it. Today I received a text asking for another £40.

When I replied saying she hadn't repaid £50 from last week she said she'd forgotten but would give me £90 when she gets paid. The thing is though if I lent it her I'd have another text by Wednesday if not tomorrow asking for more and I do believe it will get to the point where I won't be able to get my money back off her.

The almost daily texts asking me for money are driving me mad!! She borrowed £600 off one of our other friends over a year ago and was supposed to pay £100 back a month but still owes £200 and is showing absolutely no sign of paying that back anytime soon.

She chooses to smoke, drink and waste her money then ends up owing most of her wages out when she gets paid and doesn't really like having to pay people back. Last week 5 out of 7 days I had a text asking for money. I'm starting to dread my phone pinging because I can almost guarantee it's her wanting money.

We've been friends 20 years, she's always been awful with money but more so after splitting up with her ex partner. If the money was for gas, electric a food shop I'd not mind helping out occasionally but she'll ask for £30 for a takeaway and wine. If I spent my wages like that I'd be skint too!!

Am I BU just to say no??

I have a family member who does this- they know when my pay day is and it’s normally the first text I see on payday.
its always something for her kids though - food, nappies so I fee I can’t say no.
im on maternity leave and I have told her that I have no money but still get the weekly requests.

These threads come up quite often and I find them so weird. I've never asked a friend to lend me money like this, nor would I, nor have I ever been asked for this type of loan by any of my friends. Who actually does this? Is it something very poor people do?

I have an acquaintance, we have kids in the same class. Barely know her. She asked if I could lend her £20 as she had no money for electricity card or something, I lent her it. Never got it back. She’s now asked for another £20. I’ve said no and I asked for the original £20 back. She’s put off giving me it back for over 3 weeks since I asked. Its ‘only’ £20 so I’ll probably just write it off. But still it’s so annoying.

lesson learnt, never lend money.

I have a theory. CFs are often gregarious and everyone loves them. They're often very vibrant and funny but that's their kudos.
You genuinely feel for them as they're so lovely.
So when they ask, you just think 'oh wow, bless you, of course I'll help you out.'
Until the next time, and the next, and the next.

You start to notice the new clothes, tattoos, hair, nails but daren't say anything as you'll seem judgemental.

So they carry on , you keep propping them up , because they've got kids that they 'can't' afford to feed, they're behind on utilities, rent etc...

But they're such amazing friends! They love you, keep messaging you , meet up with you ... and all the rest.

Grrr...

Say "no, u ok Hun? Xxx"

She doesn't see you as a friend OP.

You are a cash machine.

The Cheeky Fucker!

Get the money back and then tell her that she is ruining the friendship. Say to her that if she wants someone to go through her accounts with her to work out where she's going wrong then you're happy to do that but she mustn't ask for any more money because it makes you feel really resentful and used. Just be honest!

It's amazing isn't it?

It's always 'food for the kids' or 'electricity' that they need money for.

Do they think no-one can see them spending on clothes, tattoos, hair, nails, takeaways, nights out, etc etc?

You are doing the right thing by putting a stop to it.

Haven’t RTFT but OP just stop lending her any money. You might have to write off the £50 but cut off the trail of money.

She chooses to smoke, drink and waste her money then ends up owing most of her wages out when she gets paid and doesn't really like having to pay people back. Last week 5 out of 7 days I had a text asking for money.

Mate, this is mental.

"I can't afford to keep lending you money. Please don't ask again as it makes me feel awkward."

Send and if she's a dick in her reply or ghosts you, she wasn't ever your friend.

She's a CF and then some!

You know she thinks you're a mug don't you?

For the people who find it hard to refuse requests for 'money for nappies / for food / the uniform' etc. you could purchase a multipack of nappies (or whatever they specified) for the friend instead of giving money. If they had a genuine need for nappies, they would be appreciative (as you've even done them the favour of purchasing the nappies). If they were lying about the reason they wanted the money, they'll know that you won't be easily fooled.

Good idea

You never should have been giving her money in the first place. Obviously stop now, and don't be apologetic - say "No, and you need to stop asking me for money."

Give her some friendly advice, explain that the cost of living rise means that you have had to prioritize your spending, and that she should do the same, and maybe work five days a week, give up fags booze manicures and takeaways, and she will be more comfortable.