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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changing DS in my car

40 replies

sandpr · 22/08/2022 01:40

I changed DS earlier in the car, back seat where his seat is. He's 5. He had to stand up and it was over within a few minutes. It's tricky but disabled toilets are often so rank

AIBU? I was approached afterwards and told there are toilets for that you know! I said they're dirty. She said 'yeah, it's a toilet?'

I said where's your blue badge then? Just to get at her, I know it was petty Blush

She said 'I don't need one love, I'm 65!'

And she slammed the door

OP posts:
haveiever · 22/08/2022 01:52

is DS likely to be embarrassed by people seeing him without his clothes on? If so YABU not to give him privacy

LittleGreenMartian · 22/08/2022 01:56

If your Ds is fine with it I don't see the problem. You aren't disturbing anyone else by using your own car. I changed DD lots of times in the boot of the car or on the seat if there were no better changing facilities.

User8273738273737 · 22/08/2022 02:01

Sounds like she‘s a nosy person who feels the need to make other people feel bad.
YANBU, disabled toilets are rank and if you have a better/less disgusting place, go for it.

why was she looking, anyways?

Motherchicken · 22/08/2022 02:06

I always choose the car over a disabled toilet or grim baby changing rooms! I often get changed in the car myself when rushing from 1 place to another.

Original poster
sandpr · 22/08/2022 02:07

haveiever · 22/08/2022 01:52

is DS likely to be embarrassed by people seeing him without his clothes on? If so YABU not to give him privacy

No. He really isn't bothered

OP posts:
milkyaqua · 22/08/2022 02:13

He's 5? I think she has a point.

Tiani4 · 22/08/2022 02:39

I understand it was more convenient for you and more comfy for DS. There comes an age snd size when his privacy and dignity is key as others being able to see intimate care being given to an older child or an adult, wouldn't be great,
I think you are on the cusp OP I would expect school age children would have privacy of toilet facilities.

Marvellousmadness · 22/08/2022 02:55

Privacy wise.. im with the lady

He is 5. Maybe he isnt bothered by it. But you should be bothered other people can see him . There are weirdos out there.

Besided that. Meh. Not sure
I feel like you should maybe try to explore different options just for the dignity for your kid.

Mariposista · 22/08/2022 03:25

milkyaqua · 22/08/2022 02:13

He's 5? I think she has a point.

It sounds like he has a disability.

JulyDreams · 22/08/2022 03:27

Car is fine! Toilets are grim. I would have done the same... don't feel bad.

autienotnaughty · 22/08/2022 03:48

My disabled ds had an accident on way back from somewhere today. I changed him in the car .

Wetblanket78 · 22/08/2022 04:07

Well the reality is there are not enough changing places toilets available. Baby changing no longer meets they're need's past the age of 2/3. So parent/carer's are forced to change child on the floor of a smelly disabled toilet. Then you get abuse for going in there because they're not in a wheelchair.

My own son was in nappies until he was seven. I don't drive but if I did I would have been changing him in the car as well. Don't judge when you haven't walked in someone else's shoe's.

Limpshade · 22/08/2022 04:34

Her belief that being 65 is equivalent to having a recognised disability tells you everything you need to know. IGNORE Cake

OhGoodnessItsSoExhausting · 22/08/2022 05:02

Does he have additional needs OP? 5 is school age so a little later than average to still be in nappies.

I was always changing baby nappies in the car!! Mine were dry in the day before age 5, but if they had not been I think I might have tried to find a toilet and if it's just wee he could practice taking his own 'pants' off and putting new ones on. If number two, I'd have thought it would be easier to support him to change in the toilets to be honest. Cars don't have a lot of room.

Intothewoodland · 22/08/2022 05:51

I think she was very rude and you weren't being unreasonable. I understand peoples point me about dignity and not wanting to be naked and seen but I would be surprised if it was an issue already. My own son couldn't care less if people saw him naked and he's the same age.

Oblomov22 · 22/08/2022 06:09

Just ignore. what a twat and a nosy Parker.

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/08/2022 06:16

It's fine in your own car. Having a disabled child must be hard enough I don't know why the stupid woman decided to have a go. 65 is an able bodied adult so not sure what her point was there. Next time just say mind your own business rather than entering into discussion.

Probably no longer fine once child nearing puberty but 5 is a few years off that.

Makeitwork44 · 22/08/2022 06:54

JulyDreams · 22/08/2022 03:27

Car is fine! Toilets are grim. I would have done the same... don't feel bad.

Agreed!

KangarooKenny · 22/08/2022 06:55

I always had an estate car when the kids were in nappies, as it’s a nice flat surface for changing.

StoppinBy · 22/08/2022 06:58

Changing him in your car is fine. Do it as discretely as possible of course but id take the car over a filthy toilet any day.

All the 'perverts are everywhere just waiting to spy on your semi naked child' don't take in to account for the fact that perverts are actually few and far between.

Simonjt · 22/08/2022 07:00

Mariposista · 22/08/2022 03:25

It sounds like he has a disability.

Show quote history

Disability doesn’t mean a person requires less dignity, I do think being in a state of undress at five is far too old, I think carrying out personal care on a five year old in public really really disrespects their right to dignity.

CPParenttoDD1234 · 22/08/2022 07:01

This……

well said! Not been in someone else’s shoes then don’t judge. Disabled facilities need improving. Why there aren’t more toilets with hoists and changing tables that are maintained and regularly cleaned - I don’t know.

CakeCrumbs44 · 22/08/2022 07:04

I said where's your blue badge then?
She said 'I don't need one love, I'm 65!'

This sounds like she misunderstood what you were saying TBH because that's a weird response.

I don't think it was her place to say but I do agree that it's probably time to find alternatives to changing in public if you can. I have a washable neoprene mat which can be put down on the floor of changing rooms to stand on while getting changed. It's much bigger than a baby changing mat and rolls up.

Simonjt · 22/08/2022 07:07

CPParenttoDD1234 · 22/08/2022 07:01

This……

well said! Not been in someone else’s shoes then don’t judge. Disabled facilities need improving. Why there aren’t more toilets with hoists and changing tables that are maintained and regularly cleaned - I don’t know.

Because those with disabilties aren’t considered to be full members of society. We’ve had threads on here moaning about people in wheelchairs using buses at rush hour because apparently they should use the bus at another time, because apparently no one with a disability works.

You get some able bodied people saying its too much effort, they can go to another shop etc. Yet they fail to realise every single shop, cinema, train station etc has been carefully designed to meet their access requirements.

oviraptor21 · 22/08/2022 07:28

No problem at all with this.
Just ignore batshit lady.
Goodness knows what she meant about being 65 though - she needed putting straight if she thought that entitled her to parking in a disabled bay.