Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a little mugged off

45 replies

DaisyDooxox · 21/08/2022 13:24

Hi all.

Ive been with my partner for 5 months now. I live with my parents and he has his own place. He’s got the next week off of work. We are going to the New Forest together from Monday - Thursday.

We had a wedding yesterday (Saturday) and stayed there overnight. My parents mentioned before the wedding that they were making dinner today and the invite is there if we want it. I said to them that would be lovely but we will see what time we’re back.

Anyway this morning as we left the hotel my partner said about taking up my parents offer for dinner because “then we haven’t got to worry about cooking”. So I text my mum and gratefully accepted her offer for dinner. Then on the drive home I asked my partner if we were staying together tonight (I presumed we were because we’re off on our break tomorrow). He laughed it off and said “no because you’re already seeing me for most of the week” and “I thought you would want to have a night with your parents before we go”. I then made a jokey comment about how he is using me for dinner and then dumping me off.

I just kind of feel like everything is on his terms. Not sure why but it’s left me feeling a bit deflated and rubbish. I just don’t see why he doesn’t want me to stay with him tonight. Especially because we’re off out tomorrow. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DatingIsDifficult · 21/08/2022 13:37

A) does he have to do laundry etc before tomorrrow?

B) I wouldn’t really want to stay much with my partner if he lived with his parents ESPECIALLY if I was about to have four nights alone with him.

The other reasons you feel it’s all on his terms may or may not be valid though. Maybe add those in?

KyaClark · 21/08/2022 13:40

5 months in shouldn't be this hard.

Lockheart · 21/08/2022 13:42

This is a non-issue. You're dating, you're not surgically attached. Maybe he just wants a night on his own in his house before going on holiday?

OriginalUsername2 · 21/08/2022 13:43

Lockheart · 21/08/2022 13:42

This is a non-issue. You're dating, you're not surgically attached. Maybe he just wants a night on his own in his house before going on holiday?

This

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 13:43

He probably doesn't want to stay over at your parents/wants a break

Johnnysgirl · 21/08/2022 13:50

I wouldn't want to stay over with my adult partner at their parents house either.

Unorthofox · 21/08/2022 13:53

Maybe he just wants a night to himself/some space. What's wrong with that?

CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 14:01

Perhaps he just wants some time to himself? There's nothing wrong with that! I think YABU and you need to chill a bit.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:04

No way would I stay at my boyfriend's Mam and Dad's house when I was a grown up.

When is he going to pack if he stays at yours tonight?

He's right that if you eat at your parents you won't need to worry about cooking.

Testina · 21/08/2022 14:07

He’s a fully fledged grown up with his own house. Why would he want the awkwardness of squeezing into your room sharing a wall (literally or otherwise) with your parents like a kid on a sleepover? 🤣

Testina · 21/08/2022 14:17

I wanted to come to this and apologise that it does sound like I’m making fun of anyone living at home as an adult. I’m not - in the current climate it’s simply the only practical option for many. I was laughing because when you are still with your parents, you need to understand it doesn’t make it an attractive place to stay!

However, before I came back to this thread I opened your others. I wouldn’t have this arsehole in my house, my parents’ house or any house. He sounds horrid. Please - don’t let a man that you’ve been with 5 months, who has caused you to post at least 5 threads about in a month, film you having sex. Just… don’t.

KosherDill · 21/08/2022 14:26

Lockheart · 21/08/2022 13:42

This is a non-issue. You're dating, you're not surgically attached. Maybe he just wants a night on his own in his house before going on holiday?

This.

Maybe he has laundry, packing, life admin to attend to.

Timeforanewnamenow · 21/08/2022 14:41

Lockheart · 21/08/2022 13:42

This is a non-issue. You're dating, you're not surgically attached. Maybe he just wants a night on his own in his house before going on holiday?

This. 5 months in I’d definitely still need time alone/in my own space, no matter how much I liked someone

mountainsunsets · 21/08/2022 14:43

You're being really silly.

Antarcticant · 21/08/2022 14:45

He laughed it off and said “no because you’re already seeing me for most of the week”

I don't like the way he phrased this, personally. If he'd said, 'No, I've got things I need to do at home' or similar, that would be fine, but the words he's used suggest he sees himself as a valuable commodity that he's carefully rationing out to you.

GoldenAutumnLeaves · 21/08/2022 14:46

My thought is that you were hoping to stay at his house, after a meal at your parents, and I would have expected this too, if you are going away next week
But if you’re not actually living together yet, he’s probably going home to do his washing and pack 😂
Don’t stress, and have a good holiday next week 😊

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 21/08/2022 14:47

Surely polite to give you time with your dps alone?

Inertia · 21/08/2022 14:57

He needs to go home, do laundry and pack for the week away, surely?

shazzybazzy34 · 21/08/2022 15:17

Christ give him some breathing space!

KosherDill · 21/08/2022 15:25

It's always a mistake to revolve one's entire life around one person. Have multiple interest and activities.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/08/2022 15:30

YABU, he might have things he wants to do, the best relationships need some space.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 21/08/2022 15:34

Yabu. Sounds like you want to be joined at the hip.

He only wants a night on his own. Maybe he just needs some space. Not from you btw, but everyone needs a little alone time.

You've only been together a few months, maybe stop being so intense.

Tandora · 21/08/2022 15:38

I think you are being oversensitive / unreasonable here and creating unnecessary drama. You just went to a wedding together , he’s having dinner with your parents tonight, you are going away together tomorrow - he’s clearly in some way invested in the relationship and making an effort to spend time with you. He probably wants a night to rest, do laundry and pack. He’s probably tired after the wedding and needing some space and a good night of sleep, totally healthy and normal. Don’t be clingy and needy or you will push him away.

TopGolfer · 21/08/2022 15:39

I’d be like your boyfriend and want some space tonight, maybe to pack etc or just chill, play on my phone, watch crap on TV etc.

mewkins · 21/08/2022 15:45

Antarcticant · 21/08/2022 14:45

He laughed it off and said “no because you’re already seeing me for most of the week”

I don't like the way he phrased this, personally. If he'd said, 'No, I've got things I need to do at home' or similar, that would be fine, but the words he's used suggest he sees himself as a valuable commodity that he's carefully rationing out to you.

I agree with this. I wouldn't mind about having a night apart at all but he sounds like a bit of a nob here. OP if you feel like you like him more than he likes you, I would dump him now and find someone who puts in as much effort as you do.