To find this phrase irritating

[Lonelylittleme]

“Sorry to hear that”
I have a friend who literally says it at everything.

“aw I’m not feeling too good today”
”sorry to hear that”

”the kids are testing my patience today”
”sorry to hear that”

“I had a terrible dream last night”
”sorry to hear that”

“Just ran out of bread”
“sorry to hear that”

i’m starting to think it’s just a sloppy attempt at empathy, even when empathy isn’t required.

is it me? Maybe they find me too negative, although most things are just said in conversation and are a throwaway comment or as an explanation (for not messaging back in a few days).

i thought “sorry to hear that” is something you say when someone dies, not because I couldn’t get a stain out a shirt…

yes I know I’m 100% being ridiculous, petty and unreasonable…like who cares what the reply to me missing a bus.

Who knows what I’d expect them to say in response to these things…
kind of at the point where I want to say to them that if they feel it’s necessary or have an urge to say it then to just ignore it.

P.S. This post is in no way being super super serious, it is a petty irritant in my life that I won’t lose sleep over.

“Just ran out of bread”
“sorry to hear that”

Does she mean she's sorry she has to hear your incredibly dull and pointless updates on your life? Do you really message a friend to say you've run out of bread? Really hope for her sake that's a made up example.

“what are you up to?”
“just heading to the shop"

Sorted!

@MomwasCasual you’re totally right! Luckily it doesn’t need sorted and it was just a lighthearted post.

It sounds like she’s just a bit rubbish at small talk.

Is she better at deeper conversations?

@OriginalUsername2 honestly at this point I don’t even know.

our last messages are them telling me how to get all the meat off a chicken wing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sometimes/often people use "sorry to hear that" (and "sorry for your loss" and so on) because a simple heartfelt "I'm sorry" is sometimes misinterpreted as an apology or taking responsibility rather than just sympathy/empathy.

"My cat was hit by a car this morning; she didn't make it."
"Oh, I'm so sorry!"
"Well, it's not YOUR fault..."
etc.

A more specific "sorry" prevents all the unnecessary back and forth. Of course it it's over very trivial things, it may be a bit tongue in cheek - but it also may just be habit.

I don't preach positive mental health at all! I don't preach anything but but when you post a critical thread, you can't expect people not to criticise you.

@agedasiago yeah I totally get that.
This person had also said “sorry to hear that” for a friend of mine passing a couple of weeks ago (which is an acceptable response)

I suppose the sincerity of it is lost when someone says the same thing for something serious as someone dying as they do for trivial things.

It's a standard one when people don't know what to say and it's also kinda taught as the standard response

I hate it is what it is. Makes me want to be violent!

Am I your friend?! I have a friend who always moans and I reply "aww, that's a shame". I have no clue what to say but I attempt to shut the conversation down because otherwise she will have an hour long moan about the shop not having teabags.

@Smellywellyhoo what was critical about my post?

Probably because they really are sorry and don't know what else to say ?

@Manekinek0 maybe 👀👀👀 I don’t tend to moan though, or talk for an hour. Talking for that length of time sounds exhausting.

I’m a “uh-huh” kind of person to shut down conversations 😂

No bread? "Oh no! No beans on toast today then!"

Bad dream? "OH

....Oh I hate those. I get a recurring bad dream of xyz. What was yours about?"

Kids testing patience "they're the worst age. So glad mine are a bit older now"

And a 1001 other options. Really just shows they're not a particularly empathetic person.

“what are you up to?”

“just heading to the shop because I’ve ran out of bread and the kids wanted some toast”

”sorry to hear that”

Maybe it’s code for ‘sorry I asked.’
Life’s too short for texting back this kind of mundane crap isn’t it? Did you hope for a continuation?

‘oh, yeah, I’m going to run out of bread soon too. I have to buy it weekly. What shop are you heading to? Are you getting white or brown?’

’Tesco express. White.’

’Oh, I get mine from Lidl. I prefer brown.’

’Yeah that’s where I do my weekly shop, but literally just need white bread for toast. I offered the kids an apple but you know what they’re like. LOL’

’Haha’

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

@BeanieTeen what do you and your friends talk about? Going to the shop is about as exciting as life with my kids get 😂 talking about what kind of bread everyone uses is literally the highlight of my day.

Maybe it’s code for ‘sorry I asked.’

Maybe it’s code for ‘sorry I asked.’
Life’s too short for texting back this kind of mundane crap isn’t it? Did you hope for a continuation?

Maybe 'what are you up to' is not the best conversation starter then. Not everyone can magic up something exciting every time they get asked that.

“aw I’m not feeling too good today”
”Maybe you should stop eating all that crap and cook something properly"

”the kids are testing my patience today”
”Yeah, they're right little dicks aren't they? Maybe try actual discipline"

“I had a terrible dream last night”
”um... okay? Why would I need to know that?"

“Just ran out of bread”
"You don't know where a shop is? Why are you telling me this?"

You're lucky you're not speaking to someone I know. These answers wouldn't be far off.

@oviraptor21 I absolutely hate the whole “what are you guys up to” or “how are you doing”
especially when it’s obvious they don’t actually care.
Ive literally learned to say “nothing” or “yeah I’m fine” than elaborate on my very “mundane, boring and dull” life 😂

I’m a single mum of two kids who gets one weekend a month free, I’m literally doing and feeling the same as every other day.

@MugginsOverEre context darling, context

When people tell me these sorts of things, my stock reply would usually be ‘oh no’ or ‘oh dear’. Not sure what else to say.

@waterlego i think id prefer that tbh 😂 “sorry to hear that” sounds like I’m on the phone to a customer service helpline.

@Manekinek0 do we have the same friend? 😅

One of my friends tells me all the minor, boring, negative things that have happened to her. It dominates her texts. I don’t know what to say to ‘didn’t get much sleep last night’ or ‘kids being stressful today’ so just say something along the lines of ‘oh no, that sounds rough’ or ‘sorry to hear that happened’. It’s honestly a bit tedious, and a bit depressing talking to her and there’s no good conversation going on - no back and forth or real chat. Just her having a moan.