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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the unreasonable one here?

26 replies

hoolahoops37 · 21/08/2022 07:50

I'm just wondering if I'm BU here as I'm feeling pretty hurt by my husband at the moment but I'm not sure if I'm BU here.
I was working late last night and when I came home from work (he's watching the fight on tv) I had a bit of an eventful shift nothing I couldn't deal with but I just wanted to talk about my day to him for a few minutes like he talks to me when he gets home from work.
I knew he was wasn't listening as he was too focused on the tv so I just said it doesn't matter and went to make a cup of tea and he obviously picked up I was a bit upset. He then shouts at me and said I told you I wanted to watch this tonight I don't know why you're getting upset for. The thing is he has been away with work all week and got home Friday night and I listened to him about his week granted I wasn't watching tv but even if I was I'd still would have given him my full attention, paused the tv or lowered it.
Just wondering if I'm the unreasonable one here?

OP posts:
Janie94 · 21/08/2022 07:53

I don't think you're being unreasonable, it's sounds like he was a bit insensitive with how he spoke to you and you're right to feel a bit upset.
The key to getting over this is for him to admit he was harsh, hopefully you can get it out of him today xx

Leafy3 · 21/08/2022 07:55

Mm I think it depends on how much you needed to talk and whether you'd have been OK to wait until a natural break in his concentration.

I'm assuming that you were trying to talk to him while he was actively watching TV. If he'd stopped to greet you then there shouldn't have been an issue. Plus, he might have been able to pause the TV?

I can see both sides..However what sticks out for me was his reaction when he noticed you were upset which leads me to think he was BU and not you.

Sorry you had a sh*t day and a crappy reception at home, op :(

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 21/08/2022 07:55

He was watching a live fight, i tgink YABU. They aren't that long abd you should have waited for it to finish. If my DH did that to me i would have said talk to me after as well

DogsAndGin · 21/08/2022 08:00

YABU. Sorry but it’s live and that’s the whole point of staying up to watch it. He told you he would be watching the fight. You didn’t have an emergency requiring him, you just wanted to talk. Just leave him to watch his fight and talk to him another time 🤷🏼‍♀️

MichelleScarn · 21/08/2022 08:02

Sorry but agree with Pp, this was apparently quite an important fight and pausing it would lose all momentum, did you get the talk in the end?

MissyB1 · 21/08/2022 08:03

He could have paused it for 5 minutes, that’s what a mature adult would do. He’s not 10 years old, he’s capable of dragging himself away from the TV for 5 minutes surely???
Tell him next time he comes home and needs to offload you will be busy picking your nose and unavailable to listen!

achillestoes · 21/08/2022 08:03

How often does he watch a one-off TV event?

Billybagpuss · 21/08/2022 08:06

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 21/08/2022 07:55

He was watching a live fight, i tgink YABU. They aren't that long abd you should have waited for it to finish. If my DH did that to me i would have said talk to me after as well

But he didn’t kindly say please just give my 5 minutes to watch this then I’m all yours, he got arsy.

I was trying to talk to my DH about a work thing and he actually said ‘I’m not interested’ I shut him down straight away and pointed out that I wasn’t interested in his work either but I listened and encourage him to talk about it as that helps him to process things so he can enjoy his time off more, I may then have stropped off. He did later apologise which is massively unusual for him.

Hopefully your DH will acknowledge that he was too harsh. You should maybe acknowledge that you didn’t pick a great time but his reaction was over the top.

Ragwort · 21/08/2022 08:10

There is nothing more annoying when watching a 'live event' than being interrupted... I know that sounds mean but just because you wanted to chat about your day (unless it was a real emergency) there is no need to interrupt your DH.

I hate having to pause tv ... I know we can all use the pause button these days but I just want to watch something, get involved in it and not have to stop/start just to chat about someone's day. Actually I think I would be much happier living on my own....

justusandmoo · 21/08/2022 08:13

I'd say YABU sorry. Couldn't you have waited till the fight was over? My OH talks over tv shows all the time and it's so annoying!! 🤣. I understand your frustration but I'd be the same as him x

tanstaafl · 21/08/2022 08:15

He’s unreasonable.
to enjoy a sport where you win by inflicting brain injury on another.

@MissyB1 has it right.

mountainsunsets · 21/08/2022 08:19

I think YABU.

You knew he was planning on watching the fight but came in and started talking over it anyway. There was no emergency so you could have come home, made your cup of tea and waited until it was over instead of interrupting his plans.

Vapeyvapevape · 21/08/2022 08:20

Yabu and a bit demanding, the chat could have waited until after the fight.

Tee20x · 21/08/2022 08:24

I'd say YABU only because the conversation didn't NEED to take place right then, could have happened once it was finished. I can see how that could be frustrating for someone trying to watch a live fight.

Andromachehadabadday · 21/08/2022 08:27

I think yabu. He was actively watching something that he had told you he planned on watching.

If I told Dp there was an event on, that I wanted to watch it, live, and he chose that moment to sit and have a moan about work, I would be a bit annoyed, tbh.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/08/2022 08:34

YABU. It was a live fight, you could have waited until it finished. You knew he'd be watching it, so why couldn't you have waited?

AppleKatie · 21/08/2022 08:38

Yabu and the fact he felt he had to warn you in advance that he would be watching it live when you got in from work suggests you’ve got form. He had plans during that time and he is entitled to them. It doesn’t matter that I (or you!) wouldn’t personally want to watch the fight, he did, and he gave you fair warning of that.

MiddleParking · 21/08/2022 08:38

I can’t be doing with people talking over the tv when I’m watching it. I think YABU.

Brefugee · 21/08/2022 08:39

YAB a bit U. It was a live boxing match. The rounds aren't long so you could have waited for the bell and then told him you wanted to talk.

Starryskiesinthesky · 21/08/2022 08:40

YABU

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 21/08/2022 08:45

Sorry, I also think YABU too. It's not really comparable to when he comes home from work as you're not usually watching something you've been looking forward to for weeks and saying 'it doesn't matter' when actually you're peeved is a bit PA. Sorry you had a difficult shift though.

Rainraindontgoaway · 21/08/2022 08:52

YABU. Sounds like a none issue imo.

Daisydoodo · 21/08/2022 09:01

Yabu

CornishGem1975 · 21/08/2022 09:02

Live TV event that he wanted to watch? I don't think he's being that unreasonable, especially as it was late at night.

I'd probably be as receptive to my husband if he interrupted me during the Strictly final Blush

HowzAboutIt · 21/08/2022 09:06

Totally understand your POV, you just wanted to wind down a bit and off load.

But I think YABU in this situation with a live fight. It wouldn't have changed your offloading to have waited till it finished, but it would have spoilt his watching to have paused it.