Feeling violated. What would you do?

[ShouldIstayorshouldIgonoww]

The Man I have been seeing has cctv to the front and rear of his house. He was showing me it on his phone as it links to his phone and he can view it wherever he is. We were in the house when he showed me. He scrolled through this app that links to it and all of a sudden a view of me and him live sat in the living room. He has a small well hidden camera in the top left of his living room, pointing to the sofa.

This would creep me out in itself but more so that we had sex in the living room with the cctv recording and I’m sure he can save them to his phone? Not sure on that one but this has concerned me. I had no idea the camera was there. He said that the camera wasn’t currently on or recording but I moved to take a sip of my coffee and I also moved on the phone screen view of the cctv so it was clearly on.

he claims he has it on during the day whilst he is at work so he can check up on his dog. I feel concerned that he now has recordings of me

You can have cameras just providing a view in real time - we had one for an elderly relative, but there were options to record as well by saving to an SD card. Other cameras you might have a subscription to be able to view the last month or more on the cloud.
If it were to watch the dog is being collected properly why was it facing the sofa? We went to some trouble to set ours up to catch as much of the area as possible plus it wasn’t hidden at all.
Its at the least weird IMO and maybe more. But hopefully he just hoped you’d get on board with its potential and he’s not just saving for his own perverse pleasure - that may be naive.
Maybe have a calm conversation with him first and see what he says? Then see if it needs taking further.
Its such a shame and depressing that there are apparently normal folk we get to know and like then we find they’re not that person at all.

@MsJinks yes that’s what I find weird. The dogs crate was on the other side of the room and the view on the camera didn’t even cover it. It was just facing straight towards the sofa and didn’t move around or anything and it was very very discreet. I’d been at his house a few times and never noticed it until this

On my cctv It stays for 5 days but if I save something it stays until I delete it
I have clips going back 2.5 years that I’ve saved and not deleted

Oh that's a bit creepy I'm not surprised you feel a bit violated. While could be innocent and forgot was switched on, he likely would've had same realisation about earlier sofa sex while showing you the system so could've then deleted or proven that doesn't store etc at time to reassure you.

I've security cam to capture the dogs it is positioned to capture most of the room & sofa where they usually lay, so does seem odd that it wouldn't be pointed in the direction of crate if where dog is usually kept while out.

I only turn my indoor cam on when I go out and a light comes on to show this so isn't covert. It's triggered by movement to record clips which uploads to cloud and is auto-deleted after a week but has packages with longer storage options and you can save and download the recordings. If don't pay for storage it only shows real time, but it sounds like a set up for security rather than just dog check up, so not recording wouldn't be useful.

I'd report this he has filmed you having sex without consent, will have it undoubtedly saved and can save it to other devices and or upload it. Don't tell him he's dumped, wait til the police knock on his door.

Fucking creep.

Could you make a note of all the times you have been in his house and ask him to show you what has been recorded on those dates. I wouldn’t give him any advance warning of the request.

it is possible he forgot about the camera, maybe once or twice but not every day, bearing in mind he uses it to monitor his dog. So, you should be able to see how frequently he ‘forgot’.

We have CCTV and I often check back what has been picked up whilst I was out. We had a weird incidence a few weeks ago if a neighbours son hanging around the outside of our home at 01:30 whilst we were in holiday. I was able to send the film clip to myself via email as I want to ask him what he was up to when I next see him (I’m not worried, he’s a lad and we think he was drunk).

m we have the EUFY system which records the past 7 weeks.

if you realise he has been filming on purpose then that is the end of the r’ship. Part of me thinks you should take it further, if he’s a real perve then he could have a catalogue of sex tapes of other women - maybe see if you can obtain some free/low cost legal advice.

Run away! Far away!

Sometimes our camera gets moved, or blocked, when people are cleaning for example, but it’s important to us we can see certain parts of the room to check on a virtually immobile elderly relative. The best places to cover wide ground are overt, on edges of shelves for example, if not on a wall, certainly not by hiding the camera.
I guess it’s only him that would clean, knock it, anyway, so then he could check it still covered where his dog might be.
It sadly sounds concerning, although saying that he has let you see there is one, so maybe he wanted some fun together, rather than solo perving, and if so maybe hasn’t got saved recordings?
Guess now it’s the way you want to go - I do think it needs reporting due to others potentially been at risk - you may want the chance to verify or get any potential recording of you from him first. That would take a certain level of dissembling and being nice to him, not sure if I could do that however much I tried.
We generally don’t report or call out, as we don’t want a fuss, we worry we got it wrong and what an awful thing it is to accuse someone. But that’s the predator’s get out of jail free card - if you go to the police then if he’s completely innocent he has not much to worry about - if he’s not a lot of women have reason to thank you.
It is awful for you - but nothing that you did and just be kind to yourself now.

Are you still going out with him?!

He has probably uploaded onto porn sites. Especially if he went through a varied sex routine.

It your main concern is he deletes any footage of you I'd demand to have full access to his app and recordings immediately. If he says no then say you'll be speaking to the police and they can seize all his computers/phones and review for you. Bet if he is dodgy that would scare him enough to hand over his phone/recordings... as imagine what else he might have on there! What does he do for a living? I'd be pointing out the seriousness of the situation for him.
Obviously then run a mile and depending on what you see report to the police.
If he hands access to everything over immediately and agrees to remove cameras then I might give him the benefit of the doubt but from what you've said it sounds very dodgy.

I actually feel quite sad this evening. I have been thinking and there is other things he has done that lead me to believe he probably would film without my consent. He is quite a bit older than me too so I think he thinks I won’t question anything and just go along with things

Justifying what? We have cameras in the house because of my mum who has dementia. They're just second nature to me now and really the only time I remember they're there is at night when I go get a biscuit and I hear them clicking onto night view.

The carers who work in the house know that they're on. They're not hidden, they're very visible on the coffee tables etc, but I forget sometimes when people come. How would you suggest I rethink forgetting?

I don't know this guy's motivation - maybe he's done it deliberately. I'm just saying, as others have, it's possible that it was done accidentally. No less distressing for the op, though!

I'm very sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's inevitable, looking back, that you'll find things that back up your fears but remember everything will be skewed now. There's always a possibility it's an innocent mistake but for your own peace of mind, you have to treat it as a worse case scenario so that you can assure yourself that there is either nothing recorded or that you have all the recordings.
I personally would ask for the sd cards and to look at the recordings on the day and time you has sex. It might be a good idea to speak to the police officer tasked with dealing with these matters first for their advice on how best to go about dealing with the situation.