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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive toddler niece gets away with murder!

59 replies

Peedoff2 · 20/08/2022 21:34

So my niece can be extremely naughty when it suits her. She’s is 3. She demands everything is hers or just takes other peoples stuff and if she doesn’t get it she kicks off! Like uncontrollably until she gets her way, her mum often gives in or other children have to go without the ‘thing’ she wants or play with it out of eye shot even if it’s their own toy or game or anything really.
Anyway the question is she is always hitting other kids including my own who is older than her. But my daughter always is the one who gets told off as she retaliates and will often push her back or smack her leg. It’s not as if it’s a one off it’s constantly like multiple times when they see each other and she hits every other kid too. I personally don’t see anything wrong with my child retaliating as she’s constantly doing it and it’s out of order, my niece needs to learn boundaries and keep her hands to herself! AIBU

OP posts:
caringcarer · 03/07/2023 11:22

Peedoff2 · 20/08/2022 23:51

It is difficult to put full context here when I’m asking about one thing. But one scenario I witnessed is a sibling of theirs the same age as mine has not yet opened her treat when toddler had opened and finished hers. Sibling had said treat in her hands and toddler was kicking off as she wanted it, parents response, it’s older kids fault for showing her it (even though she had just demolished the same treat) and a telling off for older sibling and threat to just give it to toddler if she continued to just stand there with her treat. Nothing said to toddler. This is a regular occurrence, she just rules everything I think that’s why I have low tolerance for it all.

I'd have jumped in on this. Oh X you have eaten your treat now your sibling is going to eat theirs. Move away from them whilst they eat their treat please.

Original poster
Peedoff2 · 03/07/2023 16:53

Very old thread! But thanks for the responses my child isn’t the target anymore , aggressive niece is now 4 and has transferred this mean behaviour on to younger niece 🙄 little bossy boots she is! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Peedoff2 · 03/07/2023 16:56

AliRud · 03/07/2023 10:31

Having worked in schools for a very long time, I sincerely hope you don't treat teaching staff in the same way! Children quickly pick up on parents' reactions and if they expect that they can't be 'told off' by anyone this could cause them problems in school.

You obviously didn’t take time to read the thread. Working in schools you should work on getting the whole story. She is told off when necessary and she’s in the wrong, not just because she’s older.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peedoff2 · 03/07/2023 16:58

caringcarer · 03/07/2023 11:22

I'd have jumped in on this. Oh X you have eaten your treat now your sibling is going to eat theirs. Move away from them whilst they eat their treat please.

Show quote history

Oh I did! Her mum shouted at the sibling instead, said she was ‘teasing’ by opening up her treat slightly after bossy boots inhaled hers🙄

OP posts:
HollyBookBlue · 03/07/2023 18:21

Tell your DD to say loudly enough for the adults in room to hear "I am not going to let you hit me" then when the 3 year old hits her, your DD grabs her wrist and holds it to stop the hitting. There's no way she can be in the wrong doing that in the eyes of the adults

Theunamedcat · 03/07/2023 18:34

Peedoff2 · 03/07/2023 16:53

Very old thread! But thanks for the responses my child isn’t the target anymore , aggressive niece is now 4 and has transferred this mean behaviour on to younger niece 🙄 little bossy boots she is! 🤦‍♀️

Her sister? Or her cousin? Are the family still allowing the behaviour?

I taught DD to scream and cry as soon as someone laid hands on her she was quite the actress

jannier · 03/07/2023 19:11

Peedoff2 · 20/08/2022 22:49

My daughter has just turned 8. She does not wallop her it’s like a soft retaliation, often maybe just a tap back to just make a point. whereas my niece may kick or smack and she goes full force. She definitely understands but just continues she’s very clever and speaks extremely well.

Does anyone ever remove the 3 year old and firmly say it's unacceptable?

jannier · 03/07/2023 19:13

Cantseethewindows · 20/08/2022 23:15

No, both children need to be spoken to in an age-appropriate way. Your niece needs to learn not to hit children or snatch toys, your daughter needs to learn other ways of dealing with being hurt (an 8yo shouldn't hit a 3yo). Ask your daughter if she can think of another way of dealing with the situation, she might surprise you with her answer. Your niece needs to be told every time that we do not hit and then given an affirmative instruction, so "we don't use hands for hitting, now go and pick up X/ do Y".

So the 8 year old has to be nice when she's hit the 3 year old gets no consequence other than it's not nice go play something else.....

Tempone · 03/07/2023 20:38

So the 8 year old has to be nice when she's hit the 3 year old gets no consequence other than it's not nice go play something else..

No one has said that

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