To think DH is wrong about this

[roseyleg]

Need some opinions on this. Second time that DH has made this argument regarding care for our son.

First time was about a year ago, DC just turned three years old. DH is having breakfast in the living room with a hot cup of tea balanced on the arm of the chair. He tells DC not to go near it and if he does and it falls on him then it's his fault. DC regularly passes the chair to get to toys etc.

Second time today. Both are outside in the garden. DC there first. DH then goes out to lift weights - bar type with weights on the end. He sometimes does this when I ask him to go out to keep an eye on DC. DC, now four years old, is playing, running around, etc. I didn't see it happen but he hits his head on the weights as DH is lifting them. He is upset and is crying. I'm making the tea in the kitchen and go out straight away when I hear this to ask what has happened. DH says he has told DC loads of times not to come near him when he is lifting weights.

DC is such a lovely, excitable boy. I absolutely believe it is DH's responsibility as the adult to protect his son is situations like these. But DH argues, rather forcibly, that it is in fact DC's responsibility once he has told him to watch out/keep away.

AIBU - is DH wrong about this or am I?

Does your DH actually engage in play with your son at all? It sounds like he wants to continue to go about his own business, regardless of his son's presence. Which is uncaring and selfish, in my view.

He's an asshole.

I'm genuinely feeling depressed at the number of utterly shit men MNetters are having to put up with. Seems more than usual today for some reason.

Depends on the kid one of ours wouldn’t of been a problem the other one it would of been

At 3 years old you have to mind the hot drink and its DH's fault if it spills. A 3 year old wont have a concept of a hot drink spilling.

At 4 years old in the garden, 4 year old has been warned. There are lots of things a 4 year old can bump into in the garden and a 4 year old needs to learn that.

There is a difference.

I think its odd though that you are still bothered about something that happened a year ago

What so he told his som not to and then continued lifting, watched the little boy come towards him and let him get hurt then argued he’d no parental responsibility it was the child’s as all that was required was he had to say.

is he some form of idiot?

Tbf, in the past children were expected to do as they were told and these sort of accidents didn't happen
This is complete nonsense!

Unless your son was running around in a different area & no where near the weights there was likely to be a collision at some point!

Tbf, in the past children were expected to do as they were told and these sort of accidents didn't happen.

This might be the stupidest thing I've ever read on MN.

These sorts of accidents didn't happen because very young children used to do as they were told?

I would put about a hundred laughing emoticons in here but that feels insensitive when you consider we are talking about the countless young children that have died over the centuries due to accidents.

Young children didn't use to have accidents cos they were obedient. 🙄

DH then goes out to lift weights - bar type with weights on the end. He sometimes does this when I ask him to go out to keep an eye on DC.

This is the issue - he didn't want to 'keep an eye' on the DC if that actually meant engaging with them, playing with them, talking to them, etc. He wanted to get away with doing the bare minimum you asked, just exist in the same space as them but do his own thing.

My own DM was of the opinion that many men find young children boring, but the men become more engaged as fathers when the children get a bit older. Not sure that is true, but I have my fingers crossed for you...

Being In peak physical fitness is great parenting, scoffing doughnuts and moaning on mums net - not so much! And there’s mention of multiple warnings, this child learned the hard way.

Ironically he’s exercising - maybe not so lazy?

Child seems fine - maybe the father has taught a valuable lesson and saves their life in the future. Shame to learn the hard way (despite multiple warnings) but a physically fit father will be there for their children long after a lazy overweight father who helicopter parents their children

Do both parents have to apply same style of parenting? Perhaps the father has a dedicated set of values and won’t compromise on his physical fitness and ability to follow instructions. A child who is mollie cuddled, swathed in cotton wool and slapped on the wrist when they don’t listen may need some balancing perspective?

Yep. Your DH is in the wrong. Parents are responsible for the safety of their children. End of.

Your DH sounds like a dickhead

The hot drink i agree with you as that could be knocked over by accident.

In the garden with the weights, and at 4yo, your son is old enough to understand not to go near his dad when he is using the bar. And if your DH always does that, that shows your son is not listening properly, he probably will now he has had a whack to the head

Your DH is a dickhead - end of story.

@Trigger101 what were you on when you wrote all that twaddle?

@Herejustforthisone must of been the fresh air that got to my head and made me think clearly😂suppose my message looked odd amongst all the man-haters

How this kind of commentary isn’t banned I do not know! @donotdisturbb