To be exhausted and aching at the end of every day?

[Fudgeycaramel]

Is this normal, or am I just old, knackered and past it?

Am 42, with a fast-approaching 2 year old. And I’m so tired. My back aches, my hips hurt, my legs groan.

Is this just a normal part of being a slightly older mum than average? Or is it a sign something isn’t quite right?

I do. It’s very specific sort of discomfort but pain in itself is very tiring.

I think you need to mke an appointment with your GP.

I’m unlikely to get one face to face, realistically though. If I had to surmise, it would be ‘aches and pains’ which is probably related to sciatica/back problems and hauling a child around.

Yes, running around after a 2yo is tiring but what do you do to purposefully stay fit and healthy?

In terms of regular structured exercise, nothing. But I have a Fitbit, my step count is never below 10,000 and usually significantly above that.

I daresay you don’t mean it like this but it’s coming over a bit ‘well it’s YOUR fault’ - I don’t think that’s true. It’s aches and pains, largely caused by old injuries (ironically related to exercise!)

At any rate, I was wondering how much of my aches and pains were age related and how much were old-injury related. It would be interesting if those more, ah, mature mothers of small children could share!

I'm younger than you and I ache terribly every day because of back and joint pain. I really feel for you.

I think pilates can be good.

And trying to get some actual relaxation each week, properly relaxed not just sitting down.

No, I'm not blaming you at all!

But from personal experience, when I get "lazy" and don't make the effort to do a decent amount of proper exercise, I get achy and sore and tired much more quickly than when I'm making the effort and doing some decent exercise several times a week.

My current aches and pains are caused by long Covid, but I've previously had similar when I was but D deficient ( I now take a multivitamin, don't know if it helps but I feel rundown if I don't take them for a few days).

I sound like my own mother now but I haven’t sat down all day! Of course, not all of that was high intensity exercise but I haven’t stopped moving. I even ate lunch on the move!

I’ll be saying ‘I’m gasping for a cup of tea!’ next.

I felt like that when I had small children - I was a few years younger but had three fairly close together in my 30s, and didn't really have a full night's sleep for eight years (the eldest was a fairly poor sleeper, dc2 a fairly text book breastfed baby, nothing difficult at all but obviously woke 3-4 hourly, then after weaning more like once per night plus had a big regression a few times around developmental leaps, but dc3 was a terrible sleeper til he was 3 - honestly I didn't know what hit me and would have got more sleep with triplet versions of dc2!).

How's your sleep?

I ate too much sugar when they were tiny to cope with sleep deprivation plus non napping kids in the day/ school run/ work/ interrupted sleep etc. It wasn't a good strategy but I didn't have the energy to tackle it, and had other priorities. I used to "treat" myself with sugary foods because I only had occasional stolen minutes entirely to myself, invariably in the kitchen, and it felt as though I needed that - just a little thing solely for me.

I only realised when I had time to sort myself out, exercise in the fresh air alone rather than have to build the kids into walks/ cycle rides/ attempts to swim, and also to sleep properly that I twigged that it was processed sugar (and processed food generally) making me achy and swollen, and combined with sleep deprivation in a vicious cycle it made me feel much older and more broken ten years ago than I do now.

I have no aches and pains now at nearly 50 but in my late 30s and very early 40s I felt as though I was falling apart, everything hurt especially lower back and hips.

TLDR: think about the quality of your sleep and intake of processed sugar would be my suggestions.

I’m 37, my body was fucked after carrying a heavy toddler round, I started Pilates, ten mins a day and feel the benefits already.

That and check if your mattress is right for you and replace it if you can afford it.

Go to bed earlier if you can and if you’re not getting enough sleep. Quit drinking and eat well.

Do you mean ‘if you drink, you may wish to consider stopping or cutting down’? As I haven’t mentioned alcohol intake at all. I don’t drink.

Re sleep, my toddler sometimes wakes in the night but more often than not sleeps through, I can’t complain really. I can look into Pilates, am not sure I’ll be any good, though!

Sorry if I've missed it - but are you employed, or are you home with your child full time? If the former, what do you do? You mention being on the go all day. I may be stating the obvious, but clearly, if you are looking after a toddler all day, you are going to be more achy and physically tired than if you work a desk job 9-5 then come home to the toddler.

I'm 37 with a 5 year old and when she was 2, I was certainly very tired and often a bit achy, when I'd been looking after her all day. When she went into nursery, her keyworker pointed out there's a reason nursery workers are often quite young!

But I would definitely check it out with your GP. Where's the harm? The worst they can do is fob you off. The best - perhaps they find there's some treatable problem (low iron? diabetes?) and sort you out.

Jesus. You just described me perfectly, except DC3 isn't even here yet and I'm only 34

I was similar before we sorted sleep out, @ProbablyPossiblyPerhaps . It’s really hard. I think you almost become used to feeling wiped out and run down and weary.

This is definitely linked to, as PP said, running round after a toddler all day. I am doing so more than normal due to summer holidays. It’s great we’re so active I suppose, but I’m not sure I’m feeling sprightly and good for it! Not that I want a couch potato for a child, but some middle ground would be good! I was talking to a friend today and we were idly wondering if younger mums felt like us or if all mums do regardless of age!

I had a baby at 41 ( I'm 48 now) and I never felt aches and pains .
I'm chubby too so I'd expect a few. ask for a face to face appointment and get bloods checked.

I started sitting with my feet up at about that age, get yourself a pouffe !
And I stopped wearing ankle socks as I found they were a bit swollen when I took my socks off. I now wear footsies or knee High socks.

You've probably not bounced back physically from the birth in the way a younger mum would have so won't have had a chance to fully recover and that explains the aches and pains. Lots of lax ligaments especially in the back and pelvis. Try to work on not putting yourself in situations of lifting too much, or knee bends rather than back bending. It's ridiculous to advise exercise as you get it all day. You really need the right type of exercise and the right amount of recovery time.

Awww sorry I was being general, that’s good that you don’t drink so no need to cut down 😊.

Honestly the Pilates I do is so basic I don’t have much time so I just lay on the floor for ten mins a day and do some stretches basically.

Did you know that pregnancy and labour loosens your joints anyway? That’s why it can help to try and build your body back up. Sorry not sure if I’m explaining it very well, I’m no expert but I can relate to feeling the way you do and hope you find something that works for you soon.

Magnesium tablets massively reduced my joint pain.
I tried magnesium bath flakes and had the best nights sleep in ages, so decided to take a daily tablet and see if it helped with my aches and pains. I feel so much better, sleep without cramp or restless legs, and of a morning I’m not wincing now when I get out of bed.

Sorry - that post sounded so grumpy thanks for taking it so well.

It explains a lot. I had a c section and seemed to recover well but lately I’m aching and moaning and groaning. I feel ancient!

My aching hips and back turned out to be osteoarthritis in my hips. I was 43 when it started and put it down to perimenopause at first but it was getting progressively worse and by the time I went to the GP I couldn't walk without a stick.

I think you're too young to be suffering like this - get yourself checked out.

Maybe you're doing too much or need to improve your nutrition, but I don't think a 42 yr old should be feeling so creaky, toddler or no.

I'd go back to basics:

• are you getting a minimum of 7-9 hours sleep a night? Some people need 8 or 9 and it's normal to feel tired without this much, your body needs it to repair
• are you taking a multivitamin? And vitamin D on top if you're in the UK? You could be deficit in something which will make you tired

To me getting 10k steps a day is definitely active - but if you're having trouble in your hips/knees you might have a muscle imbalance. Apparently studies showed 90% of back pain was cured through weight/strength exercises on the lower back and buttocks. Have you considered paying privately for a physio (if you can afford it?) or if not just doing some leg strengthening exercises. You naturally lose muscle mass as you age - so it could be this loss of muscle causing the pain.

If you fix all three of those and are still shattered/getting aches I'd go to the doctors...