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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner turned his back on me in conversation

46 replies

Rocktheboat56 · 20/08/2022 15:01

So my partner isn't the most socially aware. We were sitting on an L shape sofa with one of his friends. He then turned so that when talking he could only make eye contact with his friend.

I mentioned it after because I've seen this before in the work place and im wary it makes people feel left out or like they aren't important.

He argued back that I was in the wrong because his friend was the guest so they are the priority. I understand that but then he now says I'm in the wrong because what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

May be I'm over thinking this?

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 20/08/2022 15:04

Surely you don't expect to be involved in every part of a conversation? YABU.

Original poster
Rocktheboat56 · 20/08/2022 15:09

I don't expect to be part of every conversation but when one person then solely looks to another surely it's time for me to do my own things or go to a different room.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 20/08/2022 15:10

If he's in the middle he'll be not looking at one of you. You could have made everyone equal by talking out away from the sofa so you're all talking to nobody. Couldn't you find a solution where you can all sit and talk together?

pictish · 20/08/2022 15:15

I dunno…I was once accused of fancying a visitor because I was turned towards him rather than my exp during conversation. Was made to feel terrible about what I thought was being polite and a good host.
He was a needy, self-centred wanker, always had to be revered in some way and found plenty to take offence over. Hard work.

Not saying this is like you but I was reminded of the incident by your post, so….

BigFatLiar · 20/08/2022 15:19

I dunno…I was once accused of fancying a visitor because I was turned towards him rather than my exp during conversation.

Go admit it you fancied him.😀

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 20/08/2022 15:19

Hugely overthinking (and that's being kind). What's someone sat in the middle of three supposed to do - just talk forwards to a wall?

MichelleScarn · 20/08/2022 15:21

Rocktheboat56 · 20/08/2022 15:09

I don't expect to be part of every conversation but when one person then solely looks to another surely it's time for me to do my own things or go to a different room.

As in leave to let them chat or Flouncey McFlounce-face? 🤔

pictish · 20/08/2022 15:24

BigFatLiar · 20/08/2022 15:19

I dunno…I was once accused of fancying a visitor because I was turned towards him rather than my exp during conversation.

Go admit it you fancied him.😀

I didn’t. Was just being my usual chatty self.

Anyway, it was a clear rejection of my exp apparently…obviously didn’t care whether he was there or not. Or so it went.
Such toil.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 20/08/2022 15:26

LTB. For his sake.

Cloudonthemountains · 20/08/2022 15:31

Honestly? I think you're being ridiculous.

butterflied · 20/08/2022 15:32

I would have done the same, ie focused on guest. You are hugely overthinking.

WhatIsThisPlease · 20/08/2022 15:34

Not facing the guest would have been rude. YABU.

And also massively overthinking the whole thing.

GriddleScone · 20/08/2022 15:39

Could you not just say "move round a bit please, I can only see the back of your head." Better than arguing about it later.

Keyansier · 20/08/2022 15:42

This is why nothing good comes of L shaped sofas.

Hotandbothereds · 20/08/2022 15:43

Yabu and sound quite needy, of course your partner is going to face and speak to his guest, if he hadn’t what was the point of his friend visiting?

Sounds like you’re picking for a row about nothing.

tickticksnooze · 20/08/2022 15:44

Wildly overthinking.

londongirl12 · 20/08/2022 15:44

Remember that people engage in conversations differently. Some people need face to face and eye contact. Are there loads of other "issues" in your relationship too?

DenholmElliot1 · 20/08/2022 15:47

With an L shaped sofa surely one person is at each end with someone in the middle bit the L bit - how is it possible for any one of those 3 to turn their back to another person? I'm trying to grasp the logistics of it.

bellac11 · 20/08/2022 15:48

I love the way this is being described as 'overthinking'

If the OP had posted that she had been accused of the same thing by her partner there would be cries of controlling, abuse etc

Which is what OP is doing, as someone set out already

(if this thread is genuine of course)

shazzybazzy34 · 20/08/2022 15:50

Absolutely ridiculous

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/08/2022 15:52

This is bonkers tbh. Do you think because you’re in a relationship with someone they are obligated to include you in absolutely every conversation they have?

I don’t understand how you can function socially like this.

You need to chill out a lot and get professional help if you can’t. In the kindest way possible you will make your DP (and anyone else you are close to) feel incredibly stifled if you behave like this.

squashyhat · 20/08/2022 16:02

Keyansier · 20/08/2022 15:42

This is why nothing good comes of L shaped sofas.

Yup. Those chaise longues have got a lot to answer for as well. And as for casting couches...

fufflecake · 20/08/2022 16:03

Rocktheboat56 · 20/08/2022 15:01

So my partner isn't the most socially aware. We were sitting on an L shape sofa with one of his friends. He then turned so that when talking he could only make eye contact with his friend.

I mentioned it after because I've seen this before in the work place and im wary it makes people feel left out or like they aren't important.

He argued back that I was in the wrong because his friend was the guest so they are the priority. I understand that but then he now says I'm in the wrong because what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

May be I'm over thinking this?

I need a diagram

Ponoka7 · 20/08/2022 16:12

You do your best to not turn your back to someone. If he was in the middle then it isn't that different to being along wall pub seating. That's the great thing about necks, they allow us to turn our heads. OP YANBU and yes, it was time for you to do whatever you had to get on with.

bellac11 · 20/08/2022 16:14

Keyansier · 20/08/2022 15:42

This is why nothing good comes of L shaped sofas.

You can bet it was a corduroy one too.