to think it;s the right thing to do to send DD to a school I think is better for her where she knows nobody, rather than a school where she knows loads of primary school mates?

[Yolo89]

We have just had an offer for the school we had as first choice. Now DD has done the induction for the other school and found out her BF is in her form, she was very upset to hear this news. There were tears and she had to tell her best friend, but now she seems to have come around and is talking about the uniform for the new school, I still can't feel awful about tearing her away from her bestie, though in my heart of hearts the otehr school will be considerably better for her I feel, for a number of reasons including it's size, OFSTED etc. Am I doing the right thing?

Not exclusively, surely?

There was a secondary school at the end of my parents' street, almost all of my primary peers went there. It was and still is a dreadful school. It was a bit scary going to a school out of area, getting the school bus, going into groups of people who had all been at primary together. It was fine I made good friends, got a better education than I would have at the more local school and I met now DH on that school bus!

My daughter chose to go to a different school at 11 from most of her primary year, because the school she chose was a better fit for her. By Christmas, she had made totally new friendship group, and had all but forgotten about her primary friends. There were a couple more shifts of friendships during secondary (when they started year 10 options and the two sides came together for example).

Those who did go on to the local secondary, had mostly made new friends by Christmas as well and all the primary school friendship groups changed.

At 16, she was the only one of her friendship group to go into college and not stay on at the school's sixth form. But again happily made new friends. She's now off to uni in Sept, so will no doubt be making new friends again. You say she's good at making friends, then she'll be okay. Kids tend to adapt quite easily,

I went to school away from all my primary peers, I never regretted it. My children have all done the same. DD2 starts in September at the same school her siblings go/went to, but will know one friend from out of school there. We don’t know if they will be together, but she will be fine

Ah :)

I was you OP a few years ago, worried my DD wouldn't know many people at the new high school as 95% were going to the local and no fucking way she wasn't.

Friendship groups change so much in Yr 7 and 8 I really wouldn't worry. I was talking to a friend with other older girls as I was worried about all the drama happening, she laughed and drew a comparison to those years at school being the same as an African savannah, she was right 😁.

Truely don't worry, your DD won't be the only knew one there and Yr7 is the perfect time as everyone is new and it's a melting pot as such for everyone. She might take a while to find a group of solid friends or she may not, but just be there in support for any worries she might have, which I'm sure you will anyway as you sound a caring mum.

All the best to your DD! 😊

I agree with Frazzled. I had the same situation where my parents gave me the choice between two schools and I chose the one with all my friends (obviously). I was a bright, clever kid and got insanely bullied as the school wasn’t very academic (whereas the other school was). It was an awful time and I masked my ability by not doing homework, getting into trouble, hanging out with smokers etc. I still did well academically (to the surprise of the teachers) but I often wonder how my life might have been different if my parents, who saw the bigger picture, had made a different decision.

We had a choice of 2 neighbouring schools with our DD and ended up going with the one that her BF was going to. Within the first week, BF had dumped DD for “cooler” girls.

DD luckily made a totally new friendship group within days. The two schools were pretty similar academic wise (one was Catholic) so it’s all worked out okay, but choosing a school on the basis of primary school friendship groups was pretty pointless!

It would be nuts to make a decision that could shape her entire future based on the friendship groups formed by 11 year olds. Seriously.

Friendship groups at this age last a matter of weeks. Education lasts a lifetime.

At any rate if the good friend lives locally there’s no reason that friendship can’t survive and thrive.

Her BF will probably dump her for another new shiny BF within a month if they're in the same class regardless so yes send her to the better school

Endless - ah that is harsh. My daughter is very sensitive. Far from a drama queen.

Rewidling Ambridge - what an amazing story! This sounds similar to my DD#s schools (not the DH part!!)

I sent my daughter to the better school despite her friends going to another school. She remained good friends with her old friends and made new friends at the better school so it was all good.

Huhuhu - thanks for that perspective - so interesting and so true! There are always going to be changes and as you say so many are new at this time it's a good tome to start afresh.

May move - African Savannah made me giggle but it is correct! Year 6 friendships changed so much and you are right, it may take a little time however DD forms friendships when she does a class outside school or holiday camp so this is kind of similar so i am sure she will be fine.

I have talked to DD about this possibility of getting a place all the way through and never thought I'd waiver, until I actually got the place. I am actually amazed at how many parents in DD's year have gone purely on what their child wanted - ie to be at the local school with mates.

My DD has just finished year 7… she is still friends with her primary friends however she has new bestie from another school and generally hangs out with a different group. Your DD will be fine OP .

My best friend at primary school got moved to a different class for our last two years there. She made other friends very quickly but I didn’t make any. The last two years were pretty shit for me as a result.
By the time it came to picking our high schools, I had moved to a different area so I went to a different school than everyone else I went to primary school with. My parents let me decide and I did make friends quickly, but those friendships didn’t last. I felt like an outsider a bit because a lot of the groups were formed based on which people went to primary school together and who played for the same sports teams (I’ve never been sporty).
Most people from my primary school go to the high school next door. I don’t think there is much difference in them academically, but I do wonder if I would have been happier in the other school and if knowing some other people would have made it easier.
My brother adjusted far better than me when he was in the same situation, but he’s a gifted footballer so had made lots of friends through that before he started at the school.

We’re in 11 plus area so lots of movement. My son went to a school where he knew no one with no one from primary school. He’s 23 now and has a great group of friends in his home town including his 2 best friends from primary school plus a number of friends from secondary school.

It very much depends on the child. Mine has been best friends with her bestie since the age of 3, they're now 12, and they've never fallen out, not once. They're in the same form class and the same class for everything because they're in the same set for lessons where they're in sets, and all other classes they do with their form class. It would have broken her to have to go to a different school.