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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to speak to my dad's doctor?

35 replies

AnAdultCat · 20/08/2022 10:52

Looking for some other opinions in case I'm being unreasonable!
To cut a very long story short, my dad has been in one hospital for 5 weeks for treatment, came home for three days and got rushed in for something else to a different hospital an hour away from us. This hospital is an hour away. He's been very confused, has fallen once since surgery, cannot walk alone and is hardly eating or drinking. He is literally a different man to what he was.

Before he went in to the first hospital he was out in his garden every day, could drive and live independently.

My problem is, we cannot seem to speak to anyone to get any updates. The nurses on the ward tell us as much as they can, but it's always what they 'think' is happening. I have rang every day this week asking for his doctor / consultant to contact me as we're so worried but they haven't. When I ring again, they are always apologetic and I feel guilty for keep bothering them all the time. I have gone in to the ward in the morning to be there when the doctor does his rounds, but have not seen them.
I just don't know what to do or who to go to now. We're all so worried about him and feel like he's slowly fading away. My mum doesn't ever think he's going to come home.
I just wondered if I'm expecting too much for us to be kept updated on his progress (or lack of it!) and if I'm being difficult by keep asking? I understand they're busy / under pressure etc and I don't want to add to that.
Thanks for reading...

OP posts:
GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

fufflecake · 20/08/2022 10:56

Can you get to the hospital and make a fuss until someone tells you exactly what is happening

Calaleia · 20/08/2022 10:56

Ask who his consultant is & then phone their secretary to make an appointment to speak to them. Hope your dad is on the mend soon.

Cookerhood · 20/08/2022 11:01

Yes to contacting the consultant. Also complain to PALS.

chipsandpeas · 20/08/2022 11:03

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

yeah like its that quick and straightforward to get a power of attorney

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 20/08/2022 11:04

In my hospital if you phoned Pals they would definitely pass you on to a manager although this could take up to three days particularly if you call on a weekend. If this reached me I would get the consultant straight on the case. If you know the consultant he is under you could ask to speak to his secretary. She will have direct access to the consultant to arrange a phone call.

If you have concerns around care on the ward you could also ask to speak to the matron for the area and this would be picked up the same day. My matrons would also link in with the consultant to arrange a meeting on the ward where possible.

We take concerns very seriously and try and resolve things locally before they become formal complaints.

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 11:05

chipsandpeas · 20/08/2022 11:03

yeah like its that quick and straightforward to get a power of attorney

Show quote history

Maybe not but sounds like it needs sorting ASAP regardless.

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 11:06

fufflecake · 20/08/2022 10:56

Can you get to the hospital and make a fuss until someone tells you exactly what is happening

Also this, stop being so polite, be firm but obviously calm.

HappyHamsters · 20/08/2022 11:15

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

It takes about 8 weeks to register poa. I would contact PALS when you next visit, they will have an office. Call his doctors secretary, stay on the ward until a doctor arrives, the nurses will know when they do their rounds.

Underscore21 · 20/08/2022 11:16

How old is your Dad?
What are his health conditions and what is the surgery he's recovering from?
How long has he been in the 2nd hospital ?
Does / did your father have capacity to make decisions/ consent etc?
If your father has been in the 2nd hospital for over 2 weeks and there's been no discussion with his NOK-your Mum?-then it's reasonable to phone the hospital switchboard and ask to be put through to your father's Consultant's medical secretary, for the latter to make an appointment for a member of the medical team to ring for a medical update. Make sure your on the call with your Mum, as unless she's medical herself, things get lost in translation.
They are very busy but a medical update after a period of a couple of weeks isn't unreasonable to NoK.

Also, have you spoken to the Band 7 ward manager? They are usually very informative-maybe give the ward clerk a ring after 9:15am on Monday morning and see if you can make an appointment for this for you and your Mum?

I don't think you'll have much luck waiting for the doctors during / after a ward round. There's no set time often and it isn't an appropriate time to speak to relatives anyway.
Good luck

Marvellousmadness · 20/08/2022 11:17

Stop being so passive
Be straight forward and demand to hear an update.

Underscore21 · 20/08/2022 11:19

Don't 'demand' OP, be polite , charming, assertive and persistent.

The staff aren't being deliberately obstructive unless it's a toxic ward but they will be under extraordinary pressure.

AnnaMagnani · 20/08/2022 11:22

It's currently taking a lot longer than 8 weeks to register a POA. Think more like 20.

Plus the Dad can't complete one if he is already confused.

This is not going to be the answer.

I would try either PALS or asking for the consultant's secretary - actually I'd do both.

Or stage a day long sit in announcing you want to speak to a doctor looking after him. They are on the ward, and speaking to relatives is a normal junior dr activity. Just don't do it on the weekend, there will be very few doctors and those that are around won't know your dad at all.

bloodywhitecat · 20/08/2022 11:23

Contact PALS. It was the only way I could ever get to speak to anyone when DH was in hospital. Like you, I had endless calls where I was told someone would call me back but no one ever did until I involved PALS and the chief nurse. Good luck.

CrossStichQueen · 20/08/2022 11:23

This was me 2 years ago. Dad was in hospital it was 4 days before we found out he had suffered 2 heart attacks. The doctors were rubbish at communicating with us and it was during lockdown so we couldn't visit.

Honestly OP I had to shout.
I had to shout at the lovely nurses in order for a Dr to finally tell me after 4 days what was wrong with my dad this is after they called me to ask if he was at home as they had lost him somewhere between a and e and the ward!
You will have to be firm and demand a call.
I hope your dad is OK.

Holidaydreamingagain · 20/08/2022 11:26

Calaleia · 20/08/2022 10:56

Ask who his consultant is & then phone their secretary to make an appointment to speak to them. Hope your dad is on the mend soon.

This. And email too so you have a log of your attempts to contact

LilliaJones · 20/08/2022 11:26

Calaleia · 20/08/2022 10:56

Ask who his consultant is & then phone their secretary to make an appointment to speak to them. Hope your dad is on the mend soon.

People are waiting months and months to see their consultants.

The NHS now is unsustainable. Makes me so sad reading these posts.

josephjohnson · 20/08/2022 11:27

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

It doesn't work like that! You do know her dad would need to agree sign and fit everything to be witnessed and registered?

But, yes to speaking with PALS if nothing else if working. Also when you call you could ask to speak with the therapists working with him? Or the ward sister/ manager? Sorry you're having such a stressful time

Allywill · 20/08/2022 11:28

You don’t need a power of attorney to get information about a family member in hospital. As others have said contact PALs and they will advise/get things moving. Equally you don’t need to be apologetic - staff should be communicating with you (or your mother) as part of their role. It will for example be very important for you to have the full picture of needs and prognosis for when he is discharged.

Solmum1964 · 20/08/2022 11:28

HappyHamsters · 20/08/2022 11:15

It takes about 8 weeks to register poa. I would contact PALS when you next visit, they will have an office. Call his doctors secretary, stay on the ward until a doctor arrives, the nurses will know when they do their rounds.

Show quote history

I've been told that current wait times are 20 weeks.

Zombiemum1946 · 20/08/2022 11:29

The nurse in charge usually does the ward rounds with the docs. Any meds will be signed for by a Dr in the drug charts and signed for by the nurse when given All care plans/ investigations/ treatments should be documented in the patient notes. A nurse is allocated to each patient for every shift and handover is usually dictated for the next nurse on duty. There should be a named consultant in your dad's notes , that may have been the doctor on call when your dad was admitted. The nurses will be able to see that in his notes and it should be easy to access. There should be no confusion as to your dad's care pathway. We are very busy but that's no reason that you can't be told who's responsible for your dad's care. If you get the consultants name phone the secretary , ask for a summary of care either by phone or email. Push as hard as you can in case there have been mistakes, and protocols have not been followed. You may have to make the hour long trip and go to the ward to speak to the nurse in charge and the doctor. Also make sure his next of kin details have been correctly documented. If he's confused then they have to keep you updated. Hope he's better soon.

UndertheCedartree · 20/08/2022 11:31

Are you sure you're speaking to his named nurse and not an HCA? Because his named nurse will be fully aware of his plan and how he is doing. Hope you get some answers soon.

UndertheCedartree · 20/08/2022 11:32

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

The OP says he is confused so how's she going to get power of attorney?

luckylavender · 20/08/2022 11:34

GurningGolfer · 20/08/2022 10:53

Get power of attorney. Turn up to hospital with it. Speak to doc. Contact PALS failing that.

Good luck with that. I've been in the process of doing it for my parents for over a year. Still not sorted. It's not an easy process, it's expensive & impossible to speak with anyone.

Justcallmebebes · 20/08/2022 11:36

Lol LPA's currently take at least 16 weeks and he has to have full capacity.

OP contact Pals. They should chase this up for you. Failing that, send an email to hospital's Chief Exec. Good luck