to want to speak to my dad's doctor?

[AnAdultCat]

Looking for some other opinions in case I'm being unreasonable!
To cut a very long story short, my dad has been in one hospital for 5 weeks for treatment, came home for three days and got rushed in for something else to a different hospital an hour away from us. This hospital is an hour away. He's been very confused, has fallen once since surgery, cannot walk alone and is hardly eating or drinking. He is literally a different man to what he was.

Before he went in to the first hospital he was out in his garden every day, could drive and live independently.

My problem is, we cannot seem to speak to anyone to get any updates. The nurses on the ward tell us as much as they can, but it's always what they 'think' is happening. I have rang every day this week asking for his doctor / consultant to contact me as we're so worried but they haven't. When I ring again, they are always apologetic and I feel guilty for keep bothering them all the time. I have gone in to the ward in the morning to be there when the doctor does his rounds, but have not seen them.
I just don't know what to do or who to go to now. We're all so worried about him and feel like he's slowly fading away. My mum doesn't ever think he's going to come home.
I just wondered if I'm expecting too much for us to be kept updated on his progress (or lack of it!) and if I'm being difficult by keep asking? I understand they're busy / under pressure etc and I don't want to add to that.
Thanks for reading...

My mum was recently in hospital for a similar period of time. Discharged home, then into reablement care home after not coping at home. Also very confused, had a fall in hospital and suddenly seemed much older and more vulnerable than previously. We were told she likely had delirium which seems to be a temporary state of confusion in older people. Being in hospital and away from a familiar environment and routine is absolutely exhausting and disorientating.

Now she's back at home but was only allowed to return with carers 4 x per day. The NHS fund 6 weeks of this before you need to apply for social care funding or go private. It worked really well as a safety net to settle her back at home and you could have fewer visits if not needed. Talk to the hospital discharge team about options.

@luckylavender it's only £82 to register, it's not expensive unless you go through a solicitor which is not necessary at all.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

Whenever my parents were in hospital the Drs wouldn't speak to us over the phone due to confidentiality reasons, only their named nurse would give updates to one contact person only. We would speak to their named nurse and make arrangements with the nurse to see the Dr on the ward, it sometimes meant spending hours waiting on the ward.

The only time the Dr spoke to us directly over the phone was during first lockdown when we were not allowed into the hospital, mum was already unresponsive and they had to make decisions.

If you are on qualifying benefits, it's actually free to register.

The DIY instructions are pretty clear as well. No need for a solicitor.

However they are currently taking a very very long time to come back - if your relative sadly has a short prognosis they aren't worth the effort. More reason to do them before you have even thought you might want one.

It's currently often double that. MILs went in at the beginning of June and we are still waiting.

Hospital Dr here. I don’t think you are being unreasonable to expect an update on your fathers health. I’m sorry that things have come to this, but I can recognise this story.

The issue, I suspect, is that everyone is so busy/short-staffed that it is on the “to do list” but as it is not immediately critical it gets pushed down to the bottom end of it and sometimes falls off. Sometimes the nurses are so busy that they forget to pass on the message, more often than not they do and we are just swamped. It’s not the service we want to give and many of us do try to make the time, though I’m not perfect either and sometimes get home and think “oh no I forgot to phone x patients NOK” after a frenetic day.

To give you an idea- we are working with significant number of gaps on the junior doctor rota (under recruitment, people leaving, unable to get locum cover) and we have consultant vacancies. Our nursing and pharmacy colleagues are similarly short staffed. Currently ok for physio/OT but who knows how long that will last. We aren’t even the worst affected specialty in our hospital. It is a national issue too. This means lots of staff doing extra shifts to cover, working later than rota’d, overtime etc. Sometimes junior Dr’s are trying to cover wards and clinics, as are we. At weekends and overnight they are covering more wards than they used to because there are fewer of them on (so covering 3 or 4 wards each instead of 2 or 3, for instance). Our beds are always full, we are constantly trying to juggle bed capacity and we have boarders at times (patients on other wards, which is not always ideal from a patient care perspective but also is more time consuming). Trying to discharge patients can be a nightmare too- far too many patients stuck in hospital because social care is in crisis and the community health teams are as at capacity as we are in secondary care.

And this is only summer. I am DREADING onset of autumn and try not to think about this winter. In fact, like many of my colleagues I am seriously considering my future in the NHS. I have no faith that there is the political bravery or will to be honest with the country about the situation, what it will take to fix it and the options we have to do that. I’m not sure if the populace is ready for that honesty either. I suspect it would be career suicide for whoever took it on, which is why it will be fudged/limp on until it actually implodes.

None of that changes the fact that you do deserve an update on your father- I’m just trying to explain why it might not have happened. Of course, not everywhere is in the same boat in terms of pressures and perhaps it is just poor organisation on this particular ward. I think speaking to the charge nurse is one way of moving things forward. Or contacting the secretary of your fathers named consultant to arrange an appointment. I hope you get the answers you need and that your father starts to improve.

This. And I discovered completely accidentally when my dad was in hospital that crying works wonders.

Yes I know, as I made clear I've applied. But I have 2 parents and there is Health & Financial. So £82 x 4. And they messed it up the first time so I had to resubmit the forms & pay again. They wouldn't settle my complaint or look at my forms again until I paid again. I've heard nothing since. It's a total joke.

Also £82 is very expensive for lots of people.

Thank you so much for everyone's replies.
I'll try to answer what I can...

He's 68 (quite a young / active 68). Originally he had cancer treatment which was successful. He then came home with a trapped nerve in his leg. Got rushed back in to the original room by ambulance with sepsis. Further investigation of the trapped nerve turned out to be a blood clot so he was blue lighted to another hospital for emergency surgery and has been there for three weeks.
We saw the surgeon and the consultant the day after his operation.
We were told his confusion after the op was likely to be delirium. He seemed a lot better this week, fairly normal apart from his walking etc and was desperate to come home. In fact, he fell as he was trying to prove he could walk with sticks to the bathroom. He couldn't!
I've just rang again (been trying to get through to the ward all morning), they said they are doing daily blood tests to see if the confusion is related to the cancer treatment he had as neurological problems were part of the side effects of the treatment. A nurse read that from the notes from the doctor this morning.

@jacks11 I can totally appreciate how busy you are and what a hard job it must be now. The last thing i want to do is complain or be difficult. Thank you to you and every one else in the NHS for all you do under this shitty government.

My mum is his NOK but dad gave permission in the hospital for them all to speak to / deal with me too.
Monday morning I will go to the hospital, sit and wait and tell them I want to speak to his consultant.
Thank you again everyone.

@AnAdultCat

Thank you for your kindness. I am not saying don’t keep on at them, and if you aren’t getting anywhere contacting PALS is perfectly reasonable (it’s what they are there for, after all). If you still don’t get anywhere, complaining isn’t unreasonable. I’m not trying to excuse not being kept updated on your father’s progress- family have a right to expect this where the patient can’t do it themselves- I’m trying to explain why it might be happening and that it might not be because they are deliberately avoiding you/are uncaring or incompetent.