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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider getting our child baptised a Catholic

83 replies

VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 12:53

given that I am agnostic/atheist lapsed Catholic with some interest in religious issues, and dp is an anglican non-churchgoer with vaguely positive feelings towards it all.

There are lots of complicated reasons why we think we would like to have her baptised, and one very large, uncomplicated and unattractive one: the nearest and nicest primary school in our area is Catholic.

Would it be morally repugnant to get her baptised for the sake of her education?

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Hulababy · 21/01/2008 13:22

Also once on the school you would need to be fully accepting of the whole Catholic faith and routines, as this would be bult into the school day.

My DD goes to a CofE private school and they do incorporate a fair bt of religious stuff into their normal day - morning prayer in daily assembly, grace at lunch time, goodbye prayer/song, as well as singing hymns, and having the carol concert, etc in the local church. The vicar visits and talks to the children. P;us other stuff. So nothing particularly OTT but you would need to belief really to be able to stomach it I would think.

PortAndLemon · 21/01/2008 13:23

If it's just for the school, then I don't think you should.

On the other point, though, I can see where you are coming from. I'm an atheist (definitely atheist rather than agnostic) lapsed Catholic and sometimes I feel sad that the DCs won't have that sense of cultural identity and being Part Of Something that I had. If I veered towards agnostic rather than atheist, and had a vaguely-religious wishy-washy-Christian DH (in reality mine is a cradle atheist of no prior religious affiliation), I might consider baptism for them (provided that I intended to follow through on the upbringing thing, which would include regular attendance at Mass).

How old is your DD? Could you try the Mass attendance for say six months and then review how you feel about the Church and about the commitment that baptism involves?

Hulababy · 21/01/2008 13:23

VicarofBray - to me you don't need to be a church goer to have beliefs. The whole church thing would be, for me, too much. However, I know that I do belief in something, as does DH. We are certianly not non-belivers.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:25

Godparents are another part of the reason we are considering it cestlavie - her godfather is a Catholic and would obviously be very happy if she was too.

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Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:28

Yes portandlemon - the cultural identity and being Part of Something is definitely part of it.

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thefunkypea · 21/01/2008 13:30

how can she have a godfather if she's not baptised? am confuse...........

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:31

Brangelina - I'm also worried about some parts of the ethos of the church. I wonder if my reasons (aside from the whole school thing) may be too sentimental.

Am thinking we should go and meet the local priest and decide that way.

Thanks for all your input everyone!

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Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:32

funkypea - don't your children have godparents in a non-church way? We just said "would you like to be godparents" and they said "delighted".

Probably then a bit disappointed that baptism didn't swiftly follow.

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marialuisa · 21/01/2008 13:33

I think it will come down to what you are comfortable with. Our current parish requires that parents attend classes for several months before a child can be baptised even though there is no mad scramble for places in the associated school.

I remember watching an episode of CSI where Grissom described himself as a "secular catholic" and I know a lot of my friends recognise that sentiment and have had their kids baptised etc. as they can't quite imagine not doing so thing regardless of their specific beliefs (or lack of)and in some cases school choice has been at the back of their minds!

thefunkypea · 21/01/2008 13:34

oh ok, didn't follow, my dd has godparents in a church way

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:34

Should say her godfather is practising Catholic, godmother is lapsed Catholic like me - thought that would be a good balance.

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Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:38

Marialuisa - are you/your friends Italian? I only ask as I've often thought that this sort of secular Catholicism seems to be more acceptable in Catholic countries. In non-Catholic countries like Britain your faith seems to be under rather more rigorous scrutiny.

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cestlavie · 21/01/2008 13:40

I'd be inclined to try and separate the sentimental reasons from the theological reasons for baptism. Just to be clear, getting a child baptised is not like buying an option on that faith, it is an undertaking to actively raise that child in that faith at the expense of all others.

When we had DD baptised at DW's behest, the vicar was very clear about this and in fact, tried to push us towards a naming ceremony on the grounds that too many people get their kids baptised then barely set foot in church again.

Brangelina · 21/01/2008 13:40

Vicar - I had to put aside the sentimentality factor myself. I had so many years of Catholicism drummed into me that it almost rang false not getting my DD baptised. However, seeing as I have pretty much repudiated the church and have no time for them it would have been highly hypocritical to baptise my daughter into a faith that I have absolutely no intention of following. I do sometimes still wonder if I've condemned her to Hell.

I will qualify this by mentioning that I live in Italy, where the Vatican appears to have forgotten that they've been a different country since 1929.... The constant presence of misogynistic cardinals on telly spouting crap about the family values they know nothing about has reinforced my feelings about my ex religion.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:49

Thanks Brangelina - that's helpful.

I'm sure you did the right thing, and certainly haven't condemned dd to hell - anyway, I was always taught that unbaptised babies don't go there, they go to limbo!

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Brangelina · 21/01/2008 13:50

Ah but limbo doesn't exist anymore, Ratzinger officialised that some months ago. He didn't, however, specify where all those souls previously destined for limbo actually ended up...

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:54

Oh - I must have missed that. I don't like Ratzinger. This is obviously another factor against going for a Catholic baptism. But then there have been many bad popes and good Catholics throughout history.

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Twigy · 21/01/2008 13:55

oh noooo

Donot conden that child to a catholic education. I was brought up a veerrry strict catholic. Went to an all girl convent school. Had it rammed down my throat. Was taught sex education by a nun!!!

Never had much to do with boys, didnt do that well at school!! Rebelled as a teanager and havent been to church sice i was 20. I have no intention of getting my son baptised. He can choose when he is old enough.

What was the point?

marialuisa · 21/01/2008 13:58

I'm from a mixed Spanish/Welsh background but born and raised here.

I've still found that the "flavour" varies a lot depending on the predominant group in a parish or the background of the priest and that the attitude of a parish priest can be completely different (and rather more laid back) to that of the Bishops and Cardinals!

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 14:00

Twigy I had a catholic education at a convent school(although our sex ed classes were given by a very embarrassed biology teacher not a nun), and it was fine. Obviously I wouldn't be considering it if I'd had your experience.

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Brangelina · 21/01/2008 14:03

Twigy - are you my twin?

We also got taught sex education by a nun...we were also the school with the highest teen pg rate in the town. I think the nun teaching us made it more exciting.

I did get a degree, but not sure how much of it was down to my private catholic school really.

cestlavie · 21/01/2008 14:05

To be fair on Ratzinger, he didn't actually abolish limbo per se. I believe that the Catholic church commission produced a report on the theological justification for infant limbo which he allowed to be published. The report itself (which in short did say that unbaptised infants would go to heaven rather than limbo) has not been adopted by the Catholic church but rather been accepted by them as an alternative valid perspective to hold on the state of limbo.

You have to love that don't you!

"Will my unbaptised child end up in the sheer glory and wonder of heaven or stay suspended in limbo for effectively all eternity?"

"Uh, well we kinda thought the limbo thang, but you know, maybe it's the straight to heaven gig. We're not that sure really, it's kinda policy in the making. Mind if we get back to you in 300 years?"

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 14:05

Thanks marialuisa. I'm sure that's right. Don't know what our local priest/parish is like yet although my mum always goes there when she comes to stay with us and seems to think they're all vey nice.

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Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 14:07

You see cestlavie it's exactly that kind of crazy theological bureaucracy that makes me love the Catholic church and made me leave it in the first place.

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Twigy · 21/01/2008 14:08

We used to try to embaress the nuns. Brad are you Irish by any chance??

I just think that now days the kids should have a choice and mix with other religions. I am quite noisey now when i meet someone with a different faith. Probably quite annoying!!