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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider getting our child baptised a Catholic

83 replies

VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 12:53

given that I am agnostic/atheist lapsed Catholic with some interest in religious issues, and dp is an anglican non-churchgoer with vaguely positive feelings towards it all.

There are lots of complicated reasons why we think we would like to have her baptised, and one very large, uncomplicated and unattractive one: the nearest and nicest primary school in our area is Catholic.

Would it be morally repugnant to get her baptised for the sake of her education?

OP posts:
thefunkypea · 21/01/2008 12:56

yes - and baptism isn't enough. Schools have a list of criteria for getting a place parents' baptism and confirmation is relevant and top of the list is weekly attendance at Mass (not just for the 6 months before starting school).

LieselVonTrapp · 21/01/2008 12:58

No but why bother getting her baptised at all

AMumInScotland · 21/01/2008 12:58

You should check out what you'd be saying in the service, and decide if you can do it without being a total hypocrite. Levels of faith vary, but saying stuff you don't actually believe would be morally wrong.

LilLap · 21/01/2008 12:58

YABU unless you want her to grow up Catholic

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 12:59

Naturally we would be attending mass regularly (although I currently work on Sundays in another church so would have to sort that out first) and I am baptised and confirmed.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 21/01/2008 13:01

As a lapsed Jew, who grew closer to her religion through having children, I would say go ahead if it feels right. But not just to increase the chances of her getting into a particular school. To me that seems hypocritical. Besides, for school you'd need to do other things like go to churchr egularly.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:02

Yes AMuminScotland - that is definitely the crux of it. In a way I would like her to learn her catechism etc as I did. Will have to revisit and see how far my current beliefs have diverged from childhood beliefs.

OP posts:
hatrick · 21/01/2008 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cestlavie · 21/01/2008 13:06

In answer to your question, yes, it would be morally repugnant. We have the same dilemma as best local primary is CoE and even though DD is baptised and DW is a (lapsed) CoE, we're not going to go through the hoops (i.e. church attendance etc) to get her into the school even though it would be relatively easy.

Quite frankly, apart from the sheer hypocrisy of it, if you don't believe in religion (to any meaningful extent) I think it's pretty unedifying to want your child to be taught somewhere in which a specific religion will be being foisted upon them.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:07

Being a lapsed catholic is quite a complex thing hatrick. I'm not an atheist in the Richard Dawkins sense of being certain that the universe is a godless one. And I like the rituals of the Catholic church. I also think that Christianity is so central to so much of our cultural history that it's not a bad thing to have a grounding in it.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 21/01/2008 13:07

It would be hypcritical but this is happening all the time now- there are maore children being baptised Catholic now than Cof E?
Faith or schools? I know which I think it is. If you are not prepared to bring her uo as a Catholic, could you try for a non-religiuos place?
When DD was born SIL told me I must get her baptised ( 2 excellent RC schools near us, the rest quite poor) but I couldn't bring myself to do it just for a school place- you can't unbaptise them can you?

mrsruffallo · 21/01/2008 13:08

Sorry for typos!
BTW, what are the chances of getting a non religious place?

mesaloca · 21/01/2008 13:10

How do you think your daughter will feel about the decision?

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:10

Thanks for your comments prettycandles. I think Judaism and Catholicism are rather similar in that they are part of your identity regardless of what you end up believing intellectually.

Yes, I know the answer, of course it is hypocritical to do it just for the school. Trouble is, now that I know about the school it is impossible to make a decision without taking it into account.

OP posts:
Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:13

Always nice to hear from Richard Dawkins! I don't know how my daughter will feel about it. I don't even know exactly how I feel about being a Catholic.

OP posts:
seeker · 21/01/2008 13:14

In answer to your OP - I'm sorry, but yes.

lulalullabye · 21/01/2008 13:16

Just take into account the people who actually do go to church and want to send their children to a catholic school for the religious aspect, but cant get in because it is over subscribed.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:16

That's OK seeker - no need to apologise. I asked the question after all.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 21/01/2008 13:18

Just being baptised Catholic wouldn't be sufficient to get your child into a Catholoic school. You would most likely need to be regular church goin, and require a letter from the priest to support your application.

My DD is baptised Catholic, althouh neither DH or I o to church. I was baptised and confirmed CofE, DH baptised Catholic, our weddin was blessed in the Catholic church. Whilst we do not attend church we do still have bleifs; this was our reason for havin our DD baptised.

lennygrrl · 21/01/2008 13:18

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 21/01/2008 13:20

do it if you can live with the guilt

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:20

lulalullabye - yes have thought about that too. Are you in that position?

I suppose part of me thinks I have a right to do it because I was a "proper" Catholic for the first 14 or so years of my life. And I suspect that there are a lot of people who are no longer actively Catholic who get their children baptised anyway and send their children to Catholic schools. I was at a convent school with a lot of these types myself - I was always amazed when they said they never went to church at home. So I wondered if this was "normal".

OP posts:
cestlavie · 21/01/2008 13:20

Well, to be honest, leaving aside any school considerations, this is still something you should think very carefully about undertaking. Having a child baptised as Catholic requires/ obligates you (and godparents) to raise the child in the Catholic faith, teach them to pray in Catholic tradition and attend mass regularly. If you're not even sure about your own feelings towards, that seems like quite a lot to commit to.

If you simply want your child to have an appreciation of the church and its role in society there are many other more ways you can do it, be it simply going to the church on a regular basis until you decide how you feel about your own faith.

Original poster
VicarOfBray · 21/01/2008 13:21

That's interesting hulababy - why do you choose not to go to church?

OP posts:
Brangelina · 21/01/2008 13:22

I didn't get my DD baptised as I saw it as being highly hypocritical insofar as I only ever set foot in a church for weddings and funerals. I'm a lapsed catholic, who had a catholic private education, but if I baptised her I'd only be doing for reasons of superstition (which the Catholic church is very strong on). I'm also not at all keen on the dogmas, ethos etc. of the catholic church which haven't moved on from the misogyny of medieval times, but that's another issue.