Is this normal for a 3 year old?

[Everestt]

Hi all

I am wondering if this is normal 3 year old behaviour or not. Most of the time she is very lovely and kind. But everyday recently there has been some part of the day where she is being very difficult.

1. She keeps having mighty tantrums over very small things. She kicks, screams, slaps out and try’s to headbutt me.
2. she throws things all around the room.
3. She wants to have everything her way and gets very upset if it isn’t.
4. She asks for something and when I give it her she said she doesn’t want it and throws it.
5. She asks for something and then says ‘no not that one’
6. If her food is cut up or if there’s a tiny piece that has broken off something she gets upset and asks for a ‘better one’
7. If something is not done a certain way she will have a melt down about it.
8. She keeps running off from me when we are out even though I have told her many times it is dangerous but she seems to find it funny.

She pretty much gets really upset if things are not exactly how she wants them and it is very hard to rationalise with her.

Is this normal for her age?

Totally normal, my youngest, recently turned 3 is all about the drama, if he’s not happy everyone has to know about it.

Today we’ve had to re-put on his socks 3 times as they were ‘wonky donky’ Wouldn’t eat his gingerbread man as it’s leg was already broken - cue a fountain of tears because he didn’t have a gingerbread man to eat.

It’s just endless kicking off with him, he feels everything very deeply. On the plus side I’ve never had better hugs off anyone, he puts his whole self into them 😍

Agree with PP who said that three is way worse than two - they should call them the terrible threes, not the terrible twos.

Definitely terrible 3s not 2s in this house too. That sounds exactly like my day.

This may not work but it did with my dd - if she breaks something (breadstick, crayon etc). I say ooooo! Now you have two! And she has always just said 'oh yeah!'

Identical to my 3 yo!

Yep completely normal. They do get more reasonable in a year or so.

If her food is cut up or if there’s a tiny piece that has broken off something she gets upset and asks for a ‘better one’

This drives me insane. The amount of times I’ve smushed a broken banana back together is ridiculous. DD2 is 2 and had a 20 minute tantrum the other day because I took the banana out of the skin and apparently she wanted it ‘like a monkey’. But only half of it, not the whole thing. She wanted half took off to eat separately. Took half an hour just to figure out how she bloody wanted to eat the thing.

@awwbiscuits worth a go, thanks!

Oh goodness mine will only eat a banana "like a monkey" 🙈.

Having worked with kids for years, I’d say it’s perfectly normal/expected for a 3 year old to be naughty. However, it’s also normal for a 3 year old to smack their friends, if you know what I mean? As in, it’s not unusual or exceptionally bad behaviour, but it’s also not acceptable and has to be dealt with/stopped. With the running off I’d invest in a backpack leash. Remove the chance to be ‘funny’ and break the habit of running off from you. A lot of the things (asking for something then saying no, whinging over a chipped biscuit) I’d just ignore. For smacking in tantrums I would just say put her somewhere safe and move away, and ignore until she is calm enough to discuss.

With things like biscuits and food being ‘broken’ too I’d just tell mine ‘don’t eat it if you don’t want it’ and then go back to talking to one of their siblings or just ignore any further mention of it. If they don’t eat it chuck it in the bin. Sometimes I think joining in the drama is the absolute worst thing you can do.

No I'd speak to a paediatrician this sounds exhausting for you both and needs to be managed it she'll be behaving this way at school. I have three children, one of whom is ASD and none of them behave like this. Been around and worked with children for years, this is either bad behaviour that needs to be nipped in the bud or she is ADHD and needs help and support. Don't let it carry on, at least speak to a paediatrician for advice

DS definitely had a frustrating phase like this when he turned 3, he’s 3.5 now and is generally fine, although I think that is mostly because I can usually see if coming and end it before it’s even started. Most of his nursery group are the same.

i give him power without really giving him power and alongside solid boundaries seems to make it all easier for his emotions to deal with. Also, no chinks in the parental armour, DH is on the same page.

I do think it’s a normal phase but if it feels in your gut that it’s not right then you’re right to seek guidance.

Opening her Babybel is EVERYTHING to my 3 year old, too!

And OP - yes - totally normal!

Yes, that c

Absolutely yes. The first couple of points sum up my current life with a 3 year old dictator

My favourite tantrum of the week was re some skin that was hanging off his foot (from his shoes rubbing, a tiny little bit of skin) but it was annoying him so I asked him if he wanted me to remove it, yes please. So I did..... about 10 min later we had a meltdown as he "wanted his skin back" and "mummy you took my skin WHERE IS IT" 😂

Yes that could be my DD! 🤣

My son wasn't like that but I do wonder if my daughter will be as she's head strong even at 18 months.

How do you react? If my child asked for something then rejected it and tantrumed, I would take it away, say they're not having it until they calm down. If that doesn't work if give them a warning that they'll go to their room if they don't stop. And carry through. Then after if explain that she was rude, and that she doesn't get to kick off like that, it's not kind to mummy.

She needs consequences. Even if it's 'normal' it's still poor behaviour in my eyes and needs a consequence.

While it’s wonderful to see that the long waiting lists for diagnosis can easily be solved by posters online announcing a child they’ve never seen ‘is ADHD’ this is not good advice. A three year old being silly doesn’t automatically have ADHD, otherwise they’d all have it.

My three year old does do this but if we can skate around tired and hungry it doesn’t happen very often.
However we get a fair bit of restraint collapse after being somewhere where good behaviour is needed.

My oldest was like this at 3 and it was awful! Awful! Especially since he was a dream 2 year old. Took lots of deep breaths, gentle management, and occasionally my own tantrums! He’s grown out of it and can assure you, he isn’t like this at school (and at the time was an utter delight at nursery!).

I now have a 2 year old and he is having a massive amount of tantrums. I assume this means he’ll be a delight at 3!?

Completely normal for 3. Brace yourself for 4 - mine were easy peasy at 2 and 3 but 4 - Oh My God. Not only do they still get overwhelmed and have tantrums, they are also incredibly articulate and can argue you into a corner.

6 is also tough. And DD1 was hideous at 6, DD2 was hideous at 9.

The teenage years were a walk in the park in this household by comparison.

Yes yes and more yes!

She sounds just like my 3 year old DD. 😅

Completely normal and in girls it lasts until 16ish

Most definitely normal, yes. I'm sure my DD was possessed by a demon when she was a threenager, so that may account for everything....