… to ask how much housework help you get from teenagers (working full time)

[BackFT]

In a few weeks I’ll be starting a full time job again, after many years. It will be busy, and there’s a commute. Really looking forward to it, and doing some planning in advance.

One thing I’m concerned about is general housework. Right now it’s split between myself and DH, he probably does a bit more than me. Kids do zero housework, they’ve just never been trained I guess...our fault. some questions:

• how much house work help do you get from teenagers?
• any specific tasks chores that they seem to do reliably or well :)

Have a few things in mind, but thought I’d post here to see experience of others.

When they were younger, loads. They were basically compliant and did what was asked of them.

once they passed 13 everything was a struggle. DS1 settled in terms of hormones at 16 and is now pretty helpful if asked. Ds2 is 15 and it’s more effort to get him to help than it’s actually worth

Outside exam season, 16 y o expected to help clear table etc, hoover on request. Cooking is an ongoing discussion but they will occasionally. Laundry likewise. None of us do much housework tbh. If we did more we'd expect more of them.

I have two girls, 14 and (just) 18 now, and they are generally pretty good anyway I just admit. I did get fed up during lockdown though, when it felt like I was forever prepping a meal, cooking, making sure it was cleaned up, planning more meals.... as well as keeping tabs on cleaning etc for the household.

I ended up putting a system in place that we've basically kept going and might be an idea in your position. I have a whiteboard and drew up a table with each day of the week and four columns. I write up four jobs to be done against each day - one is always to do dinner, and then a choice of three others. So e.g. vacuum round, clean the bathroom, dust and polish the living room, empty all the bins on bin night etc. Everyone has to do one of the jobs on that day's list (including me and DH). It has worked pretty well.

We all chip in to clear up after dinner, and a recent innovation over the past few months is that when DH or I do the ironing, we leave (most of) the girls' stuff for them to do themselves, as well as tea towels/pillow cases. Next step, as DD1 prepares to head for uni, is getting her more clued up on the washing machine as we've always just done all the family washing together...!

@butteredbarmbrack

You IRON tea towels and pillow cases?

There's a climate crisis you know.

Teen does all the wiping up, three quarters of the vacuuming (but not a deep clean, I occasionally do the whole moving furniture thing), half the washing, bins out and in, and moves things out of the bathrooms for me to clean. Makes food for himself and will assist with dinner when requested.

Tween and just Teen here, so may be about to lessen, but:
*Clear table after dinner. Load /unload dishwasher. Hand wash pans if required - half the time.
*All washing in laundry basket
*Strip own bed as requested. Remake it with clean sheets.
*Hang up wet washing with a parent. Put away ow clean clothes.
*Vaccuum and dust half the house each once a week.

I have three, ages 18, 15, 13. 13 year old doesn’t do much - she wipes round after dinner but it is all a massive effort. She’s good at doing one-off tidies when asked and keeps her room neat. The other two have disgusting bedrooms I don’t go in, but do their own laundry, cook occasionally or clear up after dinner (if I cook I don’t clear).

Mine have never done anything, although my DS did cook a meal once many years ago. Unfortunately I never had the support from DH to get them to do chores or pay for their keep.

Hardly anything ... it's an ongoing battle. Although to my shame I can still remember my DM's fury on coming home from holiday when I had been left at home on my own as a teenager and the house was not well looked after (not a tip) but I didn't really do much as a teenager myself .

I don't know what the answer is... my DH does more than half the chores around the house so he is a good 'role' model but DS just doesn't seem bothered... and he lives in a tip in his Uni accommodation....

Thanks for replies above. Looks like I have a lot of training to do, and I’m not sure it will be plain sailing. Both older teens. DS is naturally very tidy and organised, DD is the exact opposite!

my 18 year old is responsible for the wheelie bins ( also does elderly lady next doors) setting and clearing the table, gets his own breakfast and lunch if at home, does own laundry, including bed, puts away clean clothes, hoovers once a week, puts the milk out.
He will do other stuff if asked, and helps down the allotment. Because I’m short and have a bad back he is very good at fetching, carrying and lifting things up or down for me. He also makes me a lovely cup of tea several times a day.

Mine strip their beds weekly ,put in washer and remake.
They hoover their rooms roughly once a week although sometimes it's once a fortnight.
After meals they unload/load dishwasher. Pre meals one will lay up the table.
Generally I'll get one of them to do a dog walk a day, sometimes all three together.
As hoc they make a meal

In a few weeks I’ll be starting a full time job again, after many years. It will be busy, and there’s a commute. Really looking forward to it, and doing some planning in advance.

I'm in exactly the same position. I've done the lion's share of the housework for 17 years. Dh had a very tough job, but has now moved to a much less demanding one just as I'm going back to full time, so everything will be much more equal. Dc are 14 and 17.

My dc have done fairly minimal chores up to now, though are always cooperative and willing to do what they are asked to. When I was worrying about my new workload it suddenly clicked that the housework can now be split between four people! I've made a rota!

DS will do the dishwasher after endless requests. DD never lifts a finger, but she has MH issues so I have given up trying.
They were so good when they were younger. Primary kids are naturally helpful. My teens are not......

I work ft. During school time the only thing the DC (nearly 13 and 16) do is empty/reload the dishwasher and put recycling out.

In the holidays I sometimes set tasks. Sometimes I give a list of things to do and they organise it themselves, but works better if I assign tasks.
Putting on the laundry and hanging it out
Wiping kitchen surfaces
Hoover their own room

Occassinally I might ask one of them to go out and get some milk/food but they are very reluctant/resistant to do that!

My DS14 is in charge of the dishwasher, for which he receives generous pocket money. Both him and DD16 do their own laundry and ironing. Both will cook occasionally though this is usually a very simple pasta dish. DD occasionally blitzes the kitchen without being asked which is brilliant.

DS (17) does the early morning dog walk on weekdays- his choice over washing up as his weekend employment is washing up in a pub 😁
Clears away plates and sets dinner table.
He also empties all the bins in the house twice a week and puts out the wheely bins for collection.
Hangs up washing when asked.

DS put his own washing on, I would often hang it up. He was in cadets so did his own ironing though we are a as little ironing as possible household.

He did the dishwasher every day. He would also get a request to hoover, mow the lawn etc on occasion. He preferred me messaging him the request than asking so he had a note of it. I was at that time very ill and due to pain levels had some cognitive function issues so had horrendous short term memory issues.

Fair point! Think one of my next goals will need to be making sure those hanging washing out have better technique. (We do end up ironing clothes that would probably get away with it if they'd just had a shake before hanging up to get the creases out!)

Dd3 - 16
Empty dishwasher on request
Washing/ hanging it out - as needed
Empty bins
Feed cat
Changes bed weekly / towels
Hoovers
Etc

She's pretty good to be fair and mucks in with any thing that's asked of her as did her sisters .
She knows we all live in the house so are all responsible for keeping it as a lovely environment for ourselves.

My two are not good. They are supposed to wash and dry up every evening except weekends. At the moment they keep leaving it so now I text them in the morning and say it better be done by the time I get home.
They will hang washing up i(badly) f asked and DD2 does her laundry (no one else's).
Looking at this I may get them to do more.

DC grown up now
from age 11 they had to keep own rooms tidy, bring out washing when asked, do their own ironing and make own packed lunches
no dishwasher so took it in turns to wash up
when they were 14/15 I had enough money to pay them to do all the cleaning - I paid them £5 an hour (not a bad rate 15 years ago) and they did 2 hours a week each
this arrangement continued until they went to university/left home

Mine will help out as and when.
They generally are able and willing to do whatever tasks they're instructed to do including
Laundry, hanging out, bringing in and putting away their own
Dishwasher loading and unloading
Tidying
Hoovering
Mopping
Cleaning windows
Sweep front drive

I've got them into the 'team' mentality when it comes to cleaning from when they were young and I have been known to shout 'Do you think we have servants? Or am I one??!' From time to time.

Tween and one who is nearly 16. Eldest has to empty the dishwasher every day and youngest takes the recycling out, although both have to be reminded. They also change their own beds and bring their laundry baskets down to the utility room. They also set the table/clear up and when asked will make a cup of tea. They both reportedly enjoy cooking but make dinner once a month on average.

DD16 pretty much does 50% of all cooking, cleaning and general running of house stuff. If I ask, she'll help with bigger stuff, like decorating or mowing the lawn.