… to ask how much housework help you get from teenagers (working full time)

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In a few weeks I’ll be starting a full time job again, after many years. It will be busy, and there’s a commute. Really looking forward to it, and doing some planning in advance.

One thing I’m concerned about is general housework. Right now it’s split between myself and DH, he probably does a bit more than me. Kids do zero housework, they’ve just never been trained I guess...our fault. some questions:

• how much house work help do you get from teenagers?
• any specific tasks chores that they seem to do reliably or well :)

Have a few things in mind, but thought I’d post here to see experience of others.

My children were responsible for their own rooms. I'd remind them to change their sheets and give them fresh, but I didn't make up their beds. (This from about 14). My son ironed his own clothes from 13 because he knew I wouldn't (he also cooked for himself from then as he was on a self imposed regime). Occasionally he cleaned up after too!
He lives away now. My daughter (17) will on occasion clean out the fridge and vacuum, but it's not a regular thing. She will cook about twice a month, but is not good at cleaning up after either! I do her laundry.
Growing up we had more defined chores. We kids took turns doing the washing up every night. But we did have a cleaning lady once a week who did the bathrooms and floors. I don't have one but I'm going to get one as rather than do stuff myself tend to let it slide!

14 year old, during holidays she will empty & load dishwasher daily, hoover if asked, maybe do a load or two of washing on a good day! This is in addition to her normal jobs, taking/bringing the bin in, doing her own washing & keeping her own bedroom and bathroom to a decent standard (deep cleaned by me!) she's pretty good but does need a gentle reminder like any teen, I feel very lucky overall

The other day I was at work and I asked DD to wash up, (stuff not suitable for dishwasher) and DS to get some milk and a few other bits from the shops. Got home from work and DS was literally just coming in from the shop and DD had just washed up. I'm sure it got to about 5pm and they thought shit mum will be home soon. They had done nothing else all day!!

When DSS (19) spent most of his time here he was doing his own washing, was supposed to keep his room clean (but didn't) and if we went out leaving him at home, he'd have a list of jobs eg hoover, washing up etc. Now he works full-time antisocial hours we hardly see him and when he does come over it's to spend time with us so jobs go out of the window.

DD (9) puts her washing in the laundry basket, makes her bed, clears the table after meals and is expected to do general jobs when asked. She wanted a Go Henry card so we negotiated!

TBH, mine were very variable ( now in their 20s).
The older ones used to collect their little brother from primary school and look after him for a few hours, from about 12/14, and would happily look after him in the evenings from about 14 if I wanted to go out.
DS2 did a lot of the cooking once he was about 15/16. They all used to help clear the table before and after dinner, and would do dishwasher duty between them. DS2 would help with meal planning, DS3 helped with the shopping if I didn't do it online.
DS3 also helped(helps) on demand with things like hoovering and mowing the lawn, but not as a regular job. DS1 reliably did dishwasher stuff but very little else. But he was very helpful with organising, decluttering, that sort of thing. They were all rubbish at tidying, washing, and keeping their rooms clean, and none of them liked helping with gardening, but would do the heavy work on request. They were responsible for doing the bins ( putting them out for binmen), but had to be reminded.
There was quite a lot of discussion about rotas v. doing things independently.. 2 out of 3 really disliked rotas, but one preferred them to having to think for himself! They were all good about doing errands ( getting milk from the corner shop because we'd run out etc).
With hindsight, I'd have had them doing things more by rota and not allowing negotiation!

I think what you probably want to aim for is for them to be responsible for their own stuff rather than specifically taking on household jobs. For a teen that feels more "fair". I expect my teens to:

• change their own sheets


• dust and hoover their own rooms and return any plates to the kitchen/dishwasher


• empty the bins in their rooms


• leave the bathroom clean after they've used it and replace their towels when needed, putting the dirty ones in the wash


• run a load of washing through the machine and hang it to dry if they have particular things they want washed in a specific timeframe (otherwise I'm happy to do it but on my schedule)


• set the table, fix drinks, clear the table afterwards (ok this benefits everyone, but they are 50% of the people eating!)


• make a cake or dinner if asked to

In term time mine (ds16 and ds13) clear the table and load the dishwasher after dinner, change their own beds (only when asked, they would never think to do it), put their own laundry away, sort and pair the clean socks. They also make their own packed lunches if they want one.

Over summer they have unloaded the dishwasher in the morning, hung out laundry when asked, prepared their own lunches (and sometimes even tidied up after themselves!) and cooked the occasional evening meal.
One thing they are incapable of doing is wiping down a kitchen surface. Crumbs bloody everywhere all the time!

Ds13 will do extras for cash, like mow the lawn or help wash the car.

I have 2x15 year old DS and a 10 year old DS. They all contribute around the house - empty dishwasher, empty kitchen bins, tidy living area, tidy bedrooms, pick up dog poo from backyard, put clean washing away (in holidays they do all of their own washing), pack own lunches etc.

From an early age (say 7 or 8 ) there were certain chores. Making own bed picking up toys etc in the evening before bed.

Once in Year 7 they had to do pack lunches for selves and siblings on a rota with siblings at secondary school.
Own washing (not a few bits on there own but organise it with siblings. )

Now there's only one still home (Uni holidays) . There is never any issue. Because. 'House work' has always been considered a team effort , no one would consider leaving chores that need doing to someone else . In fact the house is better when my daughter does it.

On the up side. It wasn't all work work work as teens /early 20s. It worked both ways. I never refused parties, gatherings or get togethers. They had parties with 50+ at the house . Because I knew they would never shy away from the post party tidy up.

I have friends whose kids are as idol as anything and parents are still martyrs to lazy late 20s kids. They literally have bought it in themselves.

Some good advice from previous posters. It'll be a challenge to do, but in the longer term it's actually good for them too!

However, there are a lot things you'd need to address if you are going back to work full time, and including a commute. Speaking from experience, it's a huge change! The kids with house work is just one part.

Time with family, personal time with DH, time with friends, hobbies, etc ... You lose a lot!