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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please take me down. Why am I doing this to myself?

46 replies

Strawberrycola · 18/08/2022 23:12

I’m 24 and for the past 3 months I have been sleeping with a 50 year old man. It is plain to see he is just using me for sex. It’s like he doesn’t view me as a person and he leaves pretty much straight after.

he talks down to me, calls me pets names that are patronising and he picks and chooses when he wants me. Yet I keep going back to this and I have no idea why

OP posts:
Whitesapphire · 18/08/2022 23:13

Yuck, stop doing it.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 18/08/2022 23:14

Lmao live and learn girl. Live and learn

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 18/08/2022 23:15

Pet's names? Like Fido?

FOJN · 18/08/2022 23:15

Low self esteem so you've chosen a man to confirm your belief.

SNWannabe · 18/08/2022 23:15

Daddy issues. Get a counsellor. Seriously. Who is he reminding you of? Treating you like shit is clearly familiar and safe on some level…figure it out and realise your worth.

Original poster
Strawberrycola · 18/08/2022 23:16

A few more things

He gets WhatsApp Messages and I’ve seen a photo was sent when I last saw him. No idea who from but I feel he is seeing a few different women.

he lies to me a lot about things.

He is very arrogant

When I last saw him he told me a woman had stayed at his house recently because his other half was working away and didn’t want her staying at home by herself because of her mental health.

I just feel he is taking me for a ride but I am letting him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrycola · 18/08/2022 23:17

Yes I think you’re right. I don’t have the best relationship with my dad and I do have low self esteem but he is making it much worse

OP posts:
iamjustwinginglife · 18/08/2022 23:19

Delete all his messages, block him on everything, delete his number - you know he's taking advantage of you, act while you're thinking like this and if you have unprotected sex with him get yourself booked in for screening.

goldenbag · 18/08/2022 23:19

Don't waste time over-analysing, just stop. Finish with him and block him. Spend time single, get some therapy if you feel you need to but most importantly just spend time on yourself, with your friends, working hard etc.

Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 23:20

Not the same position exactly - but I just come out of a LTR and slept with a guy and he just dumped me pretty much straight after so I do understand your feelings of rejection etc

We deserve SO much more!

plus at 24 you honestly have your whole life to find someone decent - honestly, tell him to go F himself block him. You do not deserve this!

Newyearnewname20 · 18/08/2022 23:20

Please look into getting some therapy OP - it will help you see why you’re attracted to him and how you can form a healthy relationship with someone who loves and values you.

dane8 · 18/08/2022 23:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ormally · 19/08/2022 00:23

This has the potential to screw with your head for a long, long time if you don't take steps to pull yourself out. Similar circumstances...it messed me up and took a long time to process (some things show themselves for what they are after a very long while of trying to put a good spin (denial) on it.)

In terms of picking and choosing when he decided: there was one occasion when he just got on a train at a station to avoid being seen , when I needed to get one to a specific place a few minutes later. Not one he needed or in the right direction. He later laughed he'd left his umbrella on it. That is how much of a shit he gave.

You will recover and you will forgive yourself, and he will pale into the background eventually, but don't string it out.

lastminutedotcom22 · 19/08/2022 00:29

Strawberrycola · 18/08/2022 23:16

A few more things

He gets WhatsApp Messages and I’ve seen a photo was sent when I last saw him. No idea who from but I feel he is seeing a few different women.

he lies to me a lot about things.

He is very arrogant

When I last saw him he told me a woman had stayed at his house recently because his other half was working away and didn’t want her staying at home by herself because of her mental health.

I just feel he is taking me for a ride but I am letting him.

He told you "a woman was sleeping at his house as his other half was away"

I'm sorry but How stupid are you?

You know he has another half and there was another bit on the side in addition to you

Pick your self esteem out the gutter and have some respect for yourself as he clearly doesn't and if you carry on like this nobody else will do either

Butterbeer4All · 19/08/2022 00:46

Darling, look in the mirror and tell yourself you DESERVE so much more!
Block, delete, and don't look back.

Freegal · 19/08/2022 00:51

Walk away, as fast as you can. I accidentally got pregnant with someone almost twice my age (I was so stupid. Early 20s and just broke off my first relationship) and while I love my child, being connected to him has only caused massive problems and will keep causing problems for the next 13 years.

IdiotCreatures · 19/08/2022 00:52

Is his name Paul and does he live towards the end of the Northern line m

Original poster
Strawberrycola · 19/08/2022 04:23

Sorry. As far as I know he doesn’t have another half and is divorced.

it meant to say ‘her other half was working away and he didn’t want her staying at home by herself because of her mental health. So her partner asked him if his wife could stay at his house so she wasn’t by herself..

OP posts:
Oddbutnotodd · 19/08/2022 04:55

Just dump him now. You can live without sex for a while. Google the Freedom programme. I think it will help.

ChloeKellyIsAnIcon · 19/08/2022 05:01

Block him. Delete his number. Then arrange some therapy to work on your self esteem.

Flutterbybudget · 19/08/2022 05:15

What do you actually WANT from him? Because that’s really the question you need to answer (not necessarily on here)
At 21 I was seeing a 54 yr old, but it was never going to be serious. I knew it. He knew it. Neither of us expected or wanted it to be anything other than what it was. My life, my choice.
You say that he’s just “using you for sex” but have you told him that you’d like anything more than that? I think a lot of people take things for granted, and make assumptions, sometimes a Croat key and sometimes not so much.
Think about how he makes you feel. And how you WANT to feel. Could he make you feel the way you want to? I don’t know him, but maybe he thinks the age gap is too much. Maybe he’s just making the most of the opportunity. Maybe you are just another notch on his bed post. An ego boost. Or maybe he doesn’t have the words to talk to you about how he feels.
But you need to know your own worth. Know that you deserve to feel special. To be with someone who loves you, and only you. Know that you have the right to be listened to, heard and respected. If you struggle with self esteem, then a counsellor may be able to help with that. Surround yourself with good friends, You don’t NEED a man to be happy with yourself. And if you’re not happy within yourself, no man will ever be able to make you happy.
Good luck

Original poster
Strawberrycola · 19/08/2022 08:14

Thank you. I do realise that it may not go anywhere but it’s just more the fact how he makes me feel. It leaves straight after sex and I can feel his attitude change towards me after sex. It’s like I’ve got what I wanted so I’m off now till he decides he wants me again. It just makes me feel bad about myself

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/08/2022 08:16

Block him!

Takeitonthechin · 19/08/2022 08:35

My God, Stop, you will regret this later in life, just block him and get on with your life.

Why do you feel the need to let a man abuse you in such a way.

If this was your daughter, how would you feel?

Herejustforthisone · 19/08/2022 08:47

I do realise that it may not go anywhere

May not go anywhere?!?! He is using you to prop up his ego and for a posh wank.

Do not let this disgusting cunt abuse your body this way. Please.

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