Please take me down. Why am I doing this to myself?

[Strawberrycola]

I’m 24 and for the past 3 months I have been sleeping with a 50 year old man. It is plain to see he is just using me for sex. It’s like he doesn’t view me as a person and he leaves pretty much straight after.

he talks down to me, calls me pets names that are patronising and he picks and chooses when he wants me. Yet I keep going back to this and I have no idea why

Thank you all I feel like I have let myself down. I didn’t see him for 6 weeks. He contacted me to see him yesterday and I went running

Tell him by message that you don't want to see him again and then block his number and block him on WhatsApp. He can't get in touch with you that way can he?

I think some counselling for yourself to try to answer the question "Why am I attracted to a man who is 26 years older than me?" might be useful in light of your relative ages.

Seriously, don’t beat yourself up about it. Your life, your choice. But you DO have a choice. We can all advise and tell you what we think you should do, but ultimately it’s down to you.
There are all kinds of relationships out there’s some that suit certain people and others suit different people. The only thing that important is whether a relationship makes YOU (and whoever else E is involved) happy! If it doesn’t make you happy, then it’s time to rethink, and lay down ground rules or just leave. But it’s also possible to be happy in the relationship, but feel as if that’s “wrong” in some way, because others don’t understand it. But if he’s making you feel “less than”” and that’s not going to change then walk away, because you are worth so much more than that.

What are you getting out of it? Do you like the attention, does he buy you things, is it great sex? There must be a reason you are choosing to do this?

He doesn’t buy me things so it isn’t the money. The sex is great. I do have some kind of feelings for him but that hurts more because I know nothing will come of it and I think he gets off on leaving me hanging and knowing I will always come running when he snaps his fingers

If your best friend / sister told you she was shagging an old man ( at your age v his = old man ) what would you think of tell her to do ?

...and then if your best friend/ sister said that old man's attitude changes right after a shag and he walks on out, and she can feel that change, because he's done with her when he's got what he wanted?
Hmmm.

You went running??
You sound totally crazy

At the very least, charge him for the service you are providing for him!

This will really mess you up OP if you let it continue. Tell him you don't wish to see him again and then block him. Delete his number, make sure there's no way you can contact him. He is treating you like shit because you're letting him so nomatter how hurt or confused you are at the minute you know rationally want you need to do.....which is to cut all ties. So do yourself that kindness and block him. Now.

I would then work on yourself and your self esteem, get some counselling if you need to...post on here for support, talk to friends and family..... whatever works for you.

You can do this OP and I promise that future you will be grateful if you stop this in its tracks.

OK. So he uses you for sex. Do you use him for anything? Money, gifts, holidays, clothes etc, or did you see this as a relationship when you met?
Either way whatever the reason you started seeing this man it's clearly no longer what you want so you have to cut all contact and take some time for yourself. Once you've gotten over the initial "grief" of ending things you'll feel so much better and wonder what you were thinking getting involved with him.

Best of luck.

@Sooveritallnow When we first met he told me everything that I wanted to hear. That he could see us progressing and it wasn’t just about the sex. But he’s made it very clear now that it is just the sex.

He doesn’t spend any money on me and hasn’t even taken me on a proper date! We have only seen each other at mine and his houses.

I had been single for a while before I met him and I was drawn to drawn to him but he has fed me a lot of lies

What I mean by I went running was that he ghosted me for 6 weeks but as such as he got in touch again I just went straight back to him. The second he left I was back to feeling very bad about myself again

Listen, nothing will ever come of this. There is hope inside you thinking you might become more than sex to him one day. That will never happen. No matter what he says, you will never change in his head to wife material. Once a man sees you as a woman he can get sex off whenever he wants no matter how bad he treats her it can never be reversed. End it now. He will try and talk about how much he likes you Blah blah when you reject him next time but its all crap. Please stay strong, you will find a man who doesnt see you like this

Strawberrycola I understand you and although I have not done what you are doing I have, many decades ago, done something similar. You are not a bad person, the fact you have posted means you are a good person trying to fight this.

This is what I would recommend. Buy a nice notebook which you like, private, just for you.

For seven days before you sleep try really hard to write three things which bring you joy. By bring you joy I mean think back to a Saturday or a holiday where you got to the end of the day and thought "wow that was so so good" (especially if it was something which did not cost much and especially if it was an experience not something you bought for yourself although buying things can also count).

After seven days re-read your lists. Work out what brings you joy. If it was me, it would be experiences which involve touch. That can be investing all my money in a weekly/fortnight massage at a local beauty salon. It can also be as simple as cuddling/hugging my children. Or just something like going to the cinema on my own and having my favourite treat. Or doing a hike with a local group or joining a local film club etc. Or literally meeting up with a friend for a coffee at a coffee shop which I would otherwise say was too expensive.

None of these things is going to "replace" what you get from sex, in particular sex with a very much older man. There is some deep work you need to do about why you are attracted to him. Something like this (there are others this is just a suggestion) might be useful (attachment styles people who take you for granted)

Then deliberately fill up your diary with appointments to purposefully do these things. I am not saying you will not miss sex with him. You will definitely miss sex with him. But the first time he contacts you and says "come over" and you say "sorry I cannot, I have an appointment" (for a massage or whatever you have put in your diary) the responding that way will really help you re align. This is not playing games, this is healing your soul. Good luck xxxx

Omg seriously, do you have literally no self respect??

I'm in the same position. Walk away OP.

That is really very sad and I am sorry this is happening to you.

No one goes into a relationship to get nothing out of it other than to be hurt, degraded and humiliated, and that is whay this older man is doing to you. Older men usually go for younger women as they are easier to manipulate and control. Please do not let this man continue to use you and eat away at your self esteem and self respect.

You need to just cut all contact, block on all platforms and be strong during the "grief stage" it may take a few weeks but you will start to feel so much better and received that you have done it.

Start a hobby, self interest course, some work based training, join the gym. Anything to help distract you and help you meet people that have similar interests and will have more respect for you than this bloke does currently.

Also OP please remember that an older man very quickly becomes an old man, and that is not something you should be dealing with in your early 20s and as you grow into your 30s with your best years ahead of you x

Take control of the situation.
Play a game. Tell yourself that you will be in control for the next month. Turn the tables so you are the powerful one. When he calls- tell him you’re busy. When he texts you/ tell him you’re out with friends. Have fun and calm the shots.
Give yourself a time limit of a month doing this. See how you feel after that month.