My only family dynamics are somewhat dysfunctional and involved a lot of lying and secret keeping between my parents, which dragged my siblings and me into it. I therefore avoid any secret keeping and lying with DH because I know how messed up it was.
DH’s family are also very much against lying and any form of dishonesty. That said, his mum often tells very small inconsequential white lies (silly things such as claiming the jar opened is the new one just bought when it’s the one that’s been sitting in the fridge for a year, or the fruit and veg has been washed when it hasn’t), although she did tell us a big lie around the time of our wedding when it came to inviting extended family.
Anyway, that is all background information. We are currently visiting my in laws. There’s some news about my mum which I found out yesterday, which I specifically told DH not to mention because I know his mum will make a big deal out of it, and I don’t have the energy for that, and I’d rather wait and see how the next couple of days go. DH told me that’s fine.
All day MIL has been asking me how my parents are, and I’ve just been saying fine. DH told me tonight that he actually told his mum last night. I got annoyed and he apologised, saying that it didn’t feel right to deceive his parents when we’re staying with them. I’m annoyed because I didn’t want anyone to know, as his mum is huge gossip and she wouldn’t stop talking to me about it, when I don’t want to talk about it. Also, it’s my family’s business and no one else’s. Secondly, all day I’ve been telling her my parents are fine when all along she knew so she will know I’m lying. And also, I specially told DH not to say anything and he betrayed that.
However, I genuinely don’t know if I was asking too much of DH to not tell his mum and that it breaches the importance of not lying.
YABU - you’re staying with his parents at the moment, they should know something is happening.
YANBU - you asked him not to say anything and he did, that’s not ok.