Tips for ? Social tiredness

[Rubi2]

Hi everyone I’m not even sure if my title reflects my question but hoping to gain some tips from people who may feel the same.

To the outside world I appear an extrovert, I’m fairly confident with new people, have a job that requires me to be confident which I can do. If I’m in the right mood I really enjoy going out and socialising BUT.. more often than not I feel so tired in company and one minute can be enjoying being out in a group and the next feel completely mentally and physically tired that I want to go home or be by myself. I hate the idea that I may come across as rude or uninterested but it’s like my brain switches off and I can barely hold a conversation. Does anyone else have this or found ways to overcome it? I don’t like that I need to take time out alone to re charge so often especially as people may perceive I’m in a bad mood when I’m not.

TIA

This is exactly me! I'm great for about an hour, and then I'm done! People probably think 'what did I say?!'

You sound like an introvert, and that needing to recharge is perfectly normal! Someone once explained it to me as extroverts get their energy from other people; introverts have their energy sapped by others, which I thought was a great explanation, as it didn't refer at all to how social/shy/confident people are, which actually has nothing to do with introversion or extroversion.

People are always shocked when I say I'm an introvert because I'm a confident, outspoken high achiever - but what they don't see is that point where I mentally and physically shut down after too much interaction.

I wouldn't try and fight it, it's who you are, and it's not a bad or negative thing. Just work out when you need your recharge time, and try to make a polite exit before the shutdown happens! Also, I'm really open about my introversion and my need for space and quiet sometimes.

I have been like this all my life

I understand this completely.

Yes, sounds like me. Definitely an introvert. Other people are exhausting. But, if you ask people who know me they'd probably say how friendly I am and happy to chat to anyone. I don't know what the answer is, apart from trying to plan shorter social events or come up with excuses to leave early. Weddings are a particular nightmare as they go on for hours! I really wish it was acceptable to say "I'm sorry, but I'll struggle to be sociable for more than an hour, so I'll probably disappear off about X o'clock, please don't be offended, I love your company I'm just an introvert."

@Rubi2 I was just like you when I worked (retired now). I was a trainer and quite happy to stand in front of fifty or so senior managers and give them an unwelcome message. Day in day out I trained twelve or more people.

But, I insisted that I had breakfast alone in my room, and always left dinner after the first course. I just got "people'd out" after so long.

It came as no surprise to me that, in a Myers Briggs evaluation, I came out as a strong introvert. Which doesn't necessarily equate to being shy (I'm far from it 😁), but only that I recharged my batteries by being alone and quiet.I

It's just how you are.

I develop social exhaustion after 2-3 hours in company (sooner if it's crowded or noisy). If I don't recharge then my brain gets overwhelmed and will stop functioning properly.
People who don't experience this find it surprisingly difficult to understand.

I never knew it had a name. I can cope 1:1 , go out for coffee, visit wherever with one other person but a group of people , no way. Thought today I really should look at U3A type things in area then dismissed it — too peopley.

I experience this a lot, I almost get peopled out. Quite often in a group scenario I like to sit and watch other people chat because after a while I genuinely have nothing to say and am not very motivated to pretend.

Definitely an introvert.
Many of us are the same.
I am an introvert, yet to witness me you may consider me to be an extrovert.
Introverts are not always the shy wallflower, it is more to do with energy states.
Like you OP am totally washed out after social engagements.
I am not shy, can make small talk easily, and have had a career which involved public speaking, presentations and meeting lots of new people.
Truth is though I can't stand small talk, dislike social gatherings, and if I have to engage and play the part I am knocked out for a couple of days afterwards

I’m the same too! I have found my people

That's me as well.

Yup. Total introvert here. I love people, am very chatty and can be the life and soul of a (short) party, but am wiped out by it in exactly the same way as if I had done some endurance activity.

People who don’t experience it just don’t understand how physical it is.

Same here. But now I've got older my brain seems to stop mid-sentence sometimes. I don't think it's dementia - I feel as if I clearly know what's going on - I just run out of energy to think of any more words!

DH does it too, so if anyone witnessed some of our conversations they would think we were crazy. But it works for us.

Yep! Another introvert here.

The problem is, the whole modern world is designed for extroverts.

I honestly think that we introverts should be able to disclose this on job application forms so that employers have a duty of care to keep other humans away from us most of the time 😀

In terms of running out of words, the Ryan Adams lyric really resonated

"Sometimes I've just got nothing else to say
I've been on repeat since yesterday"

I’m with you OP!

I love socialising and spending time out and about with friends. However, my social battery can be drained pretty quickly.

The best thing for you to do - is just be honest.

If you are out and want to go home, do just that. If you don’t feel up for going out, don’t go.

Always make sure you rake time out, for you! Do things alone. Enjoy your own company.

When I was younger and at uni I was a massive people pleaser. Would always say “yes” to plans then regret it. I’d feel so tired and miserable on nights out to the point people would come up to me and say “cheer up” or “smile”. I hated coming off as rude or cold to people but the reality was I was mentally drained and just needed to escape.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. There will be many others feeling the exact same way, but social pressures mean people push through it and hide it instead of being honest about it.

This is so so true, I have to talk to people all day and I’m chatty and outgoing putting people at ease when they’re frightened and stressed and when I leave work I have to be quiet and not talk! Husband doing the same job exactly the same so we sit quietly together in the evening recharging

this precisely. Late DH and I used to sit at home some evenings not talking at all, just revelling in being together and not having to make any kind of social effort.

This is pretty common, the way to deal with it is to accept it and only socialise the amount you can manage/enjoy, then go home and read a book. I just smile and make my excuses, no one minds.

Absolutely the same here! I think when Covid restrictions and homeworking hit, the introverts were suddenly content and happy and the extroverts couldn't handle it. I felt like my time had finally come.
It feels like it's becoming a more recognised personality type. Lots of books on it too.

The problem I am currently having is, when they were little my kids didn’t seem to count as “people”. They didn’t trigger the social exhaustion. But now that they are teenagers they seem to count as using up my human interaction quota.

i can relate to this. I have just realised late in life that I can only socialise so long with people then I have had enough.
My DH on the other hand is totally the opposite just loves talking and interacting with people that is why we are now on holidays and I am back in the room on Mumsnet and he is out somewhere probably talking to some random person he has never met before 😀

Thats a really interesting observation. I felt the same about my kids when they were little, I have 3 and they didn't trigger the social exhaustion in me either. I think perhaps because it's our "job" to raise them. They are adults now and I am more than happy in their and their partners company. It's the one social interaction that doesn't exhaust me. How odd. I never thought of it before.

Would love to pick up some tips too. I recently attended an all day event with many people I had never met before. I was so exhausted by the end that I felt physically ill and it took me 2 days to recover.