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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bin him off?? OLD nightmare

31 replies

Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 20:09

I’m mid 30’s recently out of a long relationship. Bored one night I downloaded a dating app to ‘window shop’ - a lovely guy messaged me, we hit it off and texted very frequently then met up for 2 coffee dates.

Both went well and he seemed really keen and il be honest it was really lovely being fancied and desired after such a long time.

Any we slept together on the 3rd date - I know!! - but it was lovely and he was really kind etc messaged me after saying it was amazing l, can’t wait to see you etc that was 4 days ago.

since then he has gone cold -still texting but not the same and avoiding the question (once asked) about another date.

Today I told him I didn’t want to be messed about so it he wasn’t interested to just say and it was fine, his reply -‘I’m 100% all in - we have a lot more to experience together’

I replied ‘what do you have in mind?’

now nothing for about 5 hours and he has read the message!!

very new to the dating scene so if this ok? Or would he be more keen? I’m not about to be messed about so shall I put him in the bin or give him a chance?

OP posts:
CMSdividend · 18/08/2022 20:14

🗑 He's breadcrumbing you and doing a slow ghost.

JoanCandy · 18/08/2022 20:15

If you like him give him one more chance, some people just aren't good with texting and replying to messages, then decide.

pictish · 18/08/2022 20:20

Oh bin him. Your instinct says it’s off, it’s off.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 18/08/2022 20:22

Bin this guy, he's a charmer who likes the thrill of the chase.

Next time keep sex off the agenda until you've spent more time with him in person and had time to evaluate him.

Texting is very impersonal and doesn't help you get to know someone.

AlternativelyWired · 18/08/2022 20:22

Life's too short for time wasters like him. He's keeping his options open I bet. 🗑

pictish · 18/08/2022 20:23

If he hasn’t offered up a suggestion for another date by tomorrow, get rid. Give him a fair chance to check diary etc…but if not, cut your losses.
Don’t text him again now. You’ve been great, letting him know you’re interested in an adult, straightforward way. The ball is in his court.

minticecreamisjustok · 18/08/2022 20:23

I would leave the ball in his court, don't bring up the subject of another date, if he does suggest meeting again then make sure his intentions is to date you and not just fall into the trap of sleeping with him casually, if that's what you want to avoid.

No mention of being exclusive or suggesting another date, I would be careful and wait for him to put in some effort, if not then 🗑

GinnyJelly · 18/08/2022 20:26

He is probably busy on OLD looking for another ‘date’. If he isn’t successful he will be back in touch to hook-up. Sorry, but OLD is the pits.

Meraas · 18/08/2022 20:27

His ego means he can’t just break things off, he has to be the nice guy.

Bin and block.

FlyingSaucerss · 18/08/2022 20:28

JoanCandy · 18/08/2022 20:15

If you like him give him one more chance, some people just aren't good with texting and replying to messages, then decide.

Why do people always make excuses? He was good with texting until the op slept with him

Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 20:30

Just bin him off now its been five hours he has had enough time to respond with something

Mxyzptlk · 18/08/2022 20:38

If he was interested he'd have got back to you before now.

NotApplicable · 18/08/2022 20:39

Ah, been here myself, a good few years ago. He wasn't single. He just liked the thrill of the chase...he actually admitted it to me when I confronted him.

Be careful.

Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 20:50

Thanks everyone - I knew deep down.

lesson learned aye.

How can people be so genuine then such aresholes? 😂 I didn’t think we were about to run off into the sunset but come on - surely a text back how hard is that! Especially when I offered the chance for an escape there and then!

what is a slow ghost? @CMSdividend

OP posts:
Wheretogon · 18/08/2022 20:56

He’s either in a relationship like pp have said or he wants to keep you in the back burner just in case his first choice falls through. Trust your gut.

CMSdividend · 18/08/2022 21:02

Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 20:50

Thanks everyone - I knew deep down.

lesson learned aye.

How can people be so genuine then such aresholes? 😂 I didn’t think we were about to run off into the sunset but come on - surely a text back how hard is that! Especially when I offered the chance for an escape there and then!

what is a slow ghost? @CMSdividend

Leaving longer and longer between messages until they stop responding.

I sympathise, online dating is awful right now. The pool is is overflowing but it's full of piss 😉

SheSaidHummingbird · 18/08/2022 21:18

Ghosting is when they suddenly disappear and never respond again, so I suppose the Slow Ghost method would be fewer and fewer responses until, one day very soon, you won't hear from him again.

Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 21:47

Crikey it’s hard isn’t it?

I met my ex in person was about 10 years - does that even happen anymore?

OP posts:
Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 21:55

pictish · 18/08/2022 20:23

If he hasn’t offered up a suggestion for another date by tomorrow, get rid. Give him a fair chance to check diary etc…but if not, cut your losses.
Don’t text him again now. You’ve been great, letting him know you’re interested in an adult, straightforward way. The ball is in his court.

Thank you - he is 40 so I kinda hoped for a bit more 🙄 especially when I said about just leaving it like adults but here we are being 👻

OP posts:
Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 21:56

CMSdividend · 18/08/2022 21:02

Leaving longer and longer between messages until they stop responding.

I sympathise, online dating is awful right now. The pool is is overflowing but it's full of piss 😉

Show quote history

Isn’t it just - just deleted the app - il go back to the dogs for a little while 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 21:57

NotApplicable · 18/08/2022 20:39

Ah, been here myself, a good few years ago. He wasn't single. He just liked the thrill of the chase...he actually admitted it to me when I confronted him.

Be careful.

errggh what a way to dip my toe back in!

Did you ever find anyone decent on there? 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 21:59

FlyingSaucerss · 18/08/2022 20:28

Why do people always make excuses? He was good with texting until the op slept with him

Show quote history

Yeah tbf he was back and forth like anything - even double texting as he thought of something else to say etc. To go from that to about 3 texts a day is pretty shit tbh…

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 18/08/2022 22:00

I think perhaps he isn’t actually single.

Don’t feel bad, though. You wanted to sleep with him, and you enjoyed it - there’s no shame in that! It hasn’t worked out the way you’d hoped, and that is disappointing, but at the same time, not every encounter has to develop into a relationship. Yes, it’s obviously shit that he (presumably) hasn’t been honest with you, but you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.

Original poster
Priorityguineapig · 18/08/2022 22:06

ManateeFair · 18/08/2022 22:00

I think perhaps he isn’t actually single.

Don’t feel bad, though. You wanted to sleep with him, and you enjoyed it - there’s no shame in that! It hasn’t worked out the way you’d hoped, and that is disappointing, but at the same time, not every encounter has to develop into a relationship. Yes, it’s obviously shit that he (presumably) hasn’t been honest with you, but you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.

Thanks dude. I don’t regret it - was good whilst it lasted 😏 but just stunned that people are not more up front! I feel like a dating alien now - especially as I wasn’t prepared for dating really and was only looking lol

OP posts:
CMSdividend · 18/08/2022 23:28

I'm right there with you! I've invested so much time into the apps. And they all suck.
Had a brief encounter with someone yesterday and didn't ask them out and absolutely regret it.
I want to meet someone organically too.
It's tough - big fist bump 👊