To leave my child in nursery longer than necessary?

[Nurseryy]

One DS who is 2. He goes to nursery 3 days a week and I'm home with him the other 4.

I work part time from home and tend to finish around 3:30-4.

However sometimes I won't go and collect DS from nursery until 5:30/6 so I can just have some time to myself I use the time to go to the gym occasionally, sit with a brew, even have a nap every now and then.

I feel a little bad as he is tired when he gets home but that's also good in a way because he sleeps like a log afterwards!

He gets dropped off around 8:30-9am.

If I got him earlier he'd also miss dinner which I'm still paying for at nursery so I'd be paying for that and then feeding him here.

So is it terrible?! (My mum thinks it's cruel).

Don't feel bad everyone needs time to themselves

HAHAH omg WHAT

I pay for DD to be there full time. She NEEDS routine, I cant just waltz in randomly and pick her up because I finish work early. Its disruptive.

DH and I book a day off for date days every quarter. I have finished work early today and I am laying on my sofa watching Netflix. A very happy and well fed DD will be picked up at her normal time of 5pm.

Self-care is important. You need the energy and resources to look after your child well. Don't feel guilty and don't let your Mum make you feel guilty too. You are doing a great job!

I do this too! Happy mum, happy baby. Ignore the unhelpful opinion of your mother. I sometimes feel our parents forget what life with young children is like....my mums the same so I just don't tell her!

This post has reminded me of one last year where a woman wondered if it was ok to put her toddler in nursery on the 23rd of December so she could get some last minute shopping done alone, and there were actually people trying to claim that it was unfair on the nursery staff who aren't paid to look after children if their mum is at home!

I have gone from working FT to working 3 long days a week. On my two non-working days the youngest still goes to pre-school 8.30-2.30pm. I considered taking him out for those days as I felt guilty sending him when I'd be at home but my DM and my best friend both said "nooooo don't do it!!" I'm so glad I listened to them and not the nagging voice in my head telling me to be a martyr.

The reason I changed my working hours in the first place is because I have a disability that makes working FT very difficult. Having those 6 hours to myself 2 days a week has done more for my health (physical and mental) than any treatment I've ever tried. I'm a better Mum, a better wife, I'm more productive at work and enjoy my job more, life feels less chaotic and I have more energy to do things for the DC when I am with them. I'm sure there are those who would judge me (especially as I don't 'look disabled') but frankly, I have no fucks to give.

Even if a miracle happened and my health issues disappeared overnight, I think I'd keep the same arrangement as it works for us.

I used to do it when my kids where in nursery. You need a bit of time to yourself.

Thats a really weird attitude

I sometimes did this when mine were that age but would do nearer 5 than 6 (i.e. just after dinner) so they're not too tired.

I remember that thread! Some of the responses were completely batshit.

When my DC was small I used to work 18 hours a week on either Tuesday and Wednesday or Saturday and Sunday. I had to pay for the T & W every week even when I wasn't working.

He went every T & W (although shorter hours) and it was bliss. No regrets at all.

I do this! My husband is deployed a lot so it’s often the only time I get to myself. I have a nap or a bath or go for a walk round the shops. I think it’s overall beneficial to both of us! She does two days at nursery so I figure she has plenty of time with me otherwise!

You are not being unreasonable. Much better he has a less tired, less stressed mum and this is your only break. You spend the other four days with him so he gets lots of time with you.

I always do this! I'm paying for a service at the end of the day and she loves nursery!

I have 3 dc who are in primary school now but, when they were in Nursery, I used to finish work at 1pm on Monday and Fridays and still wouldn’t pick them up until 6pm! It was the only 2 days of the week I had to myself as dh works weekends. I needed that time just to catch up on housework, Netflix and chill, go for a coffee with friends, go see my Nan etc. Sometimes I’d finish at 1, get home and put my pj’s on and just lounge in bed for a few hours and do nothing! Those days saved my sanity and gave me a much-needed break. My dc also loved it at nursery and they gave them tea at 5pm so they’d come home, chill for a bit, have a bath and be straight in bed. Ah how I miss the days of them falling asleep at 7pm and waking up the next morning at 8am!

I would do the same

Perfectly acceptable! I work in a school and finish at 3 on a Friday and often leave my 2 at nursery until 5 so I can have a couple of hours to myself.
I have a term time only contact but always book them in either the first or last day of every holiday so I can have a day to myself!

You deserve a break and some you time, don't ever feel guilty for that!

It’s fine, more than fine. Important for you to have time to yourself

It’s interesting that all the replies are from parents and the only one saying what it really is like for the child is a nursery worker. Having said that, if I was in the OPs position I’d do the same.

I did say “ouch” when I read one from a pp whose DC goes 3 days a week from 7:30-6:15 and who could get him at 4pm but doesn’t. That’s a long, long day. I can totally understand why though, especially if you’re paying, but I bet the staff don’t 😁

They probably do 3 long days so that that poster is able to work and have the other two days with them. I work compressed hours myself to have my son in nursery less overall and if anyone wants to judge me for working 37 hours in 3.5 days, we’ll frankly they can go fuck themselves.

The staff are paid (not well unfortunately but that’s another matter) to be there for their working day the same as I am paid to be at work for mine.

I get to do it in the school holidays when mine are in holiday club! I finish at 3 and don’t pick them up to 5.

Enjoy it!

It’s not about the staff not wanting to be there. The staff are about the best interests of the children, it’s hard to see kids struggling with very long days at nursery. And to see them tired and teary at the end of a long day when they just want mummy or daddy to come.

@Abracadabra12345 I work in childcare and I work with children when their parents have time off. You pay for certain days/hours and even if you collect early, the fees are the same. If I agree to work certain hours it doesn't upset me that children come to me on their contracted day if they parents are off. It doesn't make my day any shorter as I've agreed to work those hours. Ultimately if the child is happy & the parents is getting some precious time to themselves then it can only benefit both of them.
I do agree that if it's a really long day for the child then it can be hard but you just need to find the balance. It is important for parents to have time to themselves too.

Of course not. You have to take care of yourself. What use are you to him if you fall apart? Don’t put up with crap
from your mum.

It is better to keep him to his nursery routine. They are caring for him and he has others to play with. You need a break too.