To leave my child in nursery longer than necessary?

[Nurseryy]

One DS who is 2. He goes to nursery 3 days a week and I'm home with him the other 4.

I work part time from home and tend to finish around 3:30-4.

However sometimes I won't go and collect DS from nursery until 5:30/6 so I can just have some time to myself I use the time to go to the gym occasionally, sit with a brew, even have a nap every now and then.

I feel a little bad as he is tired when he gets home but that's also good in a way because he sleeps like a log afterwards!

He gets dropped off around 8:30-9am.

If I got him earlier he'd also miss dinner which I'm still paying for at nursery so I'd be paying for that and then feeding him here.

So is it terrible?! (My mum thinks it's cruel).

Ive just started sending my 2yo (AN) and 1yo to nursery two mornings a week whilst I watch Netflix and have a bath. I don’t work but my MH spiralled so badly being home alone constantly with both of them and being a new mum in covid was hideous.

I don’t feel guilty at all. Eldest had 2 years of home with me and youngest had 1 year. It’s only since I learnt to be a little ‘selfish’ and enjoy my two mornings of peace that I’ve climbed out of the PND pit I’d fallen into.

YANBU

I’m in a similar position to you OP - also work 3 days a week so I have my DS the other 4. I say go for it! Have a break - you’ve paid for him to be there and he’s safe and with his little friends. Happy mum, happy kid!

I pick mine up but dh is here and nine are at homework stage so it's easier just to get on with it.

If you are doing it alone and paying for meals etc you are totally right. I wouldnt tell your mother. If she doesn't support you then tight lipped about things is the only way.

My DIL who is a SAHM sends our youngest GS to nursery full time. He loves it. DIL gets to have a rest from looking after our other grandchildren and to do things for herself- swimming gym etc. She is also able to help DS out by being available to do a food shop and get a meal prepared. Works our well for them and well worth the cost

I worked part time but then became a SAHM, I still left Ds in nursery for one day a week, all day as it was near to Dh's work place so he did the nursery run. Did I feel bad? Occasionally. He is now 19 and completely fine. It isn't like you are leaving him somewhere awful. He is at nursery, with other children probably having a ball. Tell your Mum very politely to mind her own business. You are a single parent, you need a break.

The odd Friday my husband and I finish at 4 and we go for a sneaky pint or a bit of dinner out before we collect our daughter at 5.30ish 🙈 we don’t get out together much - no family near by and not really anyone to babysit :)

Oh no honey do not feel guilty!

DS goes 3 days a week from 7:30-6:15 latest and I could get him at 4pm but i absolutely do not do this because like you said it's the only time you get to yourself!

I do sometimes pick up slightly earlier but I'm not paying £75 a day to pick him up early 😂

He's at nursery not a prison.

Your mother raised her children, and now you are raising yours. So she can butt out.

As long as your son isn't always the last child picked up then carry on as you are...

Not cruel. Its nursery and i bet loves it there

You need time off especially if you're a single parent

No way should you feel bad. You deserve some 'me' time too.

If your son enjoys going to nursery, then I wouldn't feel bad at all. I'd only feel bad if he really hated it.

You'll likely find, he's having a blast there with his friends and by you having some down time, you're a better Mum for him.

Of course it's fine, you don't have to spend every waking hour with your child, whatever some of the martyrs would like to tell you.

Nobody would expect a dad to give up his life but we still have this outdated notion that mothers shouldn't do anything that takes away from "family time". You have a young child. Change the narrative. Spend time for yourself and be a good model for your child.

When my son was small I worked 4 days a week but had a full time nursery place so I could get things done on day 5. I used to take him to a music class and then he went to nursery for the rest of the day so I could get my hair done or whatever. Oh and DH and I used to have lunch out while he was at nursery!

Not at all, if I could I would do the same. Enjoy it OP.

This is absolutely 100% the right thing to do. You need some time out. Your child is happy. Win win. Don't feel any guilt at all & enjoy your quiet time.

It's fine. You are with him the other four days of the week, and you're a single parent. It's absolutely fine.

Being a 'SAHM' and putting your child in full-time nursery (as per a previous poster) is ... odd, though.

I believe the phrase to use on your Mum is "wind your neck in"

You're doing nothing wrong.

He's in a good routine...don't break it now!

My child goes twice a week usually when I'm in work and he still goes when I'm on annual leave. I also sometime put him in on my day off. I'm a single parent and I'm bloody tired sometimes.

Presumably he's tired from running around having fun! And I'm not sure how important it is you see him lots before bed given you have four whole days with him each week! If it works for you, I'd absolutely do it.

It's not cruel. I used to feel bad about her being in to 5.30 pre covid when I worked in city and had to travel. Also now I have 2 kids I even sometimes take a days holiday when they r at school nursery for this very reason. Im now wfh but do still get the guilt about picking her up later though so I usually finish work at 5pm and go straight for her.

If ur on your own with a little one then even more so u need this time to urself do not feel guilty!

I do it too. My mental health needs it.

I think that's lovely. I always think it's important not to stop prioritising your relationship and quality time together when you have DC.

Ok you might not like this... I work in Early Years, I can tell you that last hour of Nursery for a lot of toddlers is really hard. They are knackered and just want to go home. They see other kids getting picked up, and some cry because they thought it would be their mummy/daddy. I always feel sorry for the last one.

It is necessary - necessary so Mummy can recharge and continue.

You're good.

You need to keep yourself healthy and happy - you’re no good to him if you’re not.

Don’t listen to your mum

i have a hands on husband, only one DC and regularly have 1-2 hours at the end of the day before our nanny finishes when I could take over… I go for a run, cook something fancy for dinner, have a glass of wine. DD is happy and I am too.