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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the bottles already made up

45 replies

friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:12

Right this is going to sound so petty of me I know but I feel completely made fun of!

My partner and I have a 3 month old baby together but we don't live together. It's in the pipeline we just didn't plan the pregnancy so we still want to make sure the relationship goes in the right way.

Baby is great, sleeps well but of course it's still tiring as there's still so much to do with bottle feeding which I do.

He was here the other night and we were down to our last sterilised bottle so he said I'll sterilise another 6. Great.

Then I remembered I still had a sterilised bottle in the baby bag from when I took her for a walk and I took a spare, so I told him actually I have another one in the bag, he asked where the bag was and I told him.

2 days later he's at his today and I was just tidying up and found the bottle still in the bag. So as it's 2 days I now have to rewash and sterilise the bottle. Which is no big deal but thought I'd send a message (smiley faces and I love yous in it!) to just ask if we can use the bottles already sterilised before the new batch, as it's pointless doing them if he isn't going to use them and just sterilise new ones and have to resterilise the unused ones.

He's kicked right off! Saying I'm pathetic and it'll only take me 30 seconds etc.

Was I being unreasonable asking him if we can use an already sterilised bottle?! He's sending laughing faces like I'm crazy for sending a message like this but from my perspective I don't want to have to do any extra washing when I don't need to?

OP posts:
Burgerqueenbee · 18/08/2022 13:19

Whilst annoying this is most definitely not the hill I would want to die on. Probably better to have waited until the next time you wanted a bottle sorting and just said "oh by the way can you make sure it is a bottle from xyz location so that they are used up first". That way you have reminded without sounding petty.

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:23

Burgerqueenbee · 18/08/2022 13:19

Whilst annoying this is most definitely not the hill I would want to die on. Probably better to have waited until the next time you wanted a bottle sorting and just said "oh by the way can you make sure it is a bottle from xyz location so that they are used up first". That way you have reminded without sounding petty.

True, I guess because I put kisses etc and signed off saying love you I felt it wasn't coming across petty. I don't feel like my request is unreasonable but his reaction of flying off the handle I feel is disproportionate to what I've asked.

Like you said definitely not the hill I'd want to die on, just feeling shit with such an angry reaction to what I've asked I guess.

Thanks

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 18/08/2022 13:25

He forgot that one, just like you forgot it, it is no biggie.

It sounds like you are both settling in to being co-parents, give it time, you will find the rhythm of baby at his/baby at yours. Maybe keep a set of bottles at each household?

HSKAT · 18/08/2022 13:25

Annoying but your alive.

Have bottles at each house.

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 13:27

Yeah you're being daft. It's one bottle. No drama.

LittleBearPad · 18/08/2022 13:30

Just wash the bottle - it will take moments

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:31

@FlibbertyGiblets @HSKAT we don't stay at his really at all. The plan is for him to move in here so we agreed she'd start her routine here, keep that familiarity going. He's not here every day either so we're in a routine that works for the baby.

It was just like a little reminder of hey babe can we use the bottles I make up otherwise I'm resterilising bottles for nothing. Love you x

The response of being pathetic I think it's a bit far and now he's messaged not to bother asking him to do anything for me anymore like build a wardrobe which he did the other day - I'm just a bit "where has this come from" sort of thing 😬

OP posts:
Wynston · 18/08/2022 13:35

I am thinking by the time you spent sending a message you could have just washed the bottle and sterelised it again.
sounds like an oversight on his part but no big deal??
congratulations on baby.

LidFlipper · 18/08/2022 13:36

You’re both being unreasonable. You’re message was stupid and unnecessary and his response was aggressive and over the top.

LittleBearPad · 18/08/2022 13:37

friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:31

@FlibbertyGiblets @HSKAT we don't stay at his really at all. The plan is for him to move in here so we agreed she'd start her routine here, keep that familiarity going. He's not here every day either so we're in a routine that works for the baby.

It was just like a little reminder of hey babe can we use the bottles I make up otherwise I'm resterilising bottles for nothing. Love you x

The response of being pathetic I think it's a bit far and now he's messaged not to bother asking him to do anything for me anymore like build a wardrobe which he did the other day - I'm just a bit "where has this come from" sort of thing 😬

Probably from your pass-ag message.

Maybe talk to him

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:38

Wynston · 18/08/2022 13:35

I am thinking by the time you spent sending a message you could have just washed the bottle and sterelised it again.
sounds like an oversight on his part but no big deal??
congratulations on baby.

I think I just didn't want it to happen again so thought I'd nip it in the bud just in case 😬 wish I hadn't said anything to him now as he's gone mad!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 18/08/2022 13:39

I couldn't get worked up about that. You are being petty

Burgerqueenbee · 18/08/2022 13:39

Oh of course @friendsaddict87 he was unreasonable to go off on one about it, completely agree with you!
I may be wrong, and happy to be told so, but I think that many men assume parenting comes naturally to all women and when we ask for things to be done a certain way it can feel like we are criticising them and they are a bit oversensitive about not being as good of a parent. Particularly as you are not living together he may be a bit worried he is not learning as quickly and is reacting a bit ott?

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:42

maddy68 · 18/08/2022 13:39

I couldn't get worked up about that. You are being petty

I wasnt even worked up just didn't want it to happen again I thought as a mum on her own half the time (he has kids from previous so he's not always here) all I was asking was can you not give me any extra work 🤣 but I asked it in the nicest way possible 😬 but I wish I hadn't asked at all 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Ejk1990 · 18/08/2022 13:47

If the bottle had been used the first time, then it would have needed to be cleaned anyway surely. So it didn't create any work for you, as he sterilised the other bottles.

I think you were being passive aggressive tbh. But his response is disportionate aswell.

Your probably both a bit stressed tbh.

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 13:48

Your message was passive aggressive and was never going to be taken well

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:54

@Ejk1990 @girlmom21 I didn't feel p-ag I just thought I don't want it happening again but I want to be nice 🤣 maybe I need to work on my delivery 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 13:57

Burgerqueenbee · 18/08/2022 13:39

Oh of course @friendsaddict87 he was unreasonable to go off on one about it, completely agree with you!
I may be wrong, and happy to be told so, but I think that many men assume parenting comes naturally to all women and when we ask for things to be done a certain way it can feel like we are criticising them and they are a bit oversensitive about not being as good of a parent. Particularly as you are not living together he may be a bit worried he is not learning as quickly and is reacting a bit ott?

This might be right!

OP posts:
User354354 · 18/08/2022 13:59

It's not something that would even enter my head as problem. I certainly wouldn't go to the effort of messaging him about it

PrimroseWharf · 18/08/2022 14:23

I think you probably went about it the wrong way and should have instead mentioned it in person in a more natural way like when you are prepping bottles BUT I think the way he has reacted is completely unacceptable and I would expect a proper apology. No need for name calling and aggression.

Goldencarp · 18/08/2022 14:30

Urm yes you were being petty and trying to make a point. You both forgot the bottle. It’s such a small thing I really wouldn’t have bothered with a message. And all the love you’d and kisses is really passive/aggressive. I’d be pissed if too.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2022 14:34

Wynston · 18/08/2022 13:35

I am thinking by the time you spent sending a message you could have just washed the bottle and sterelised it again.
sounds like an oversight on his part but no big deal??
congratulations on baby.

this.....

Original poster
friendsaddict87 · 18/08/2022 14:34

@PrimroseWharf that's what I think too. He's kept messaging saying he's gonna pick me up on everything I do from now on, called me a Dick, pathetic and he's going to stop doing things for me from now.

I'm just a bit woah ok! I don't expect us both to agree on what is and isn't important with every single thing and maybe I could have said it differently but calling me names and swearing at me is a bit excessive when all I asked was for us to use the bottles I've already sterilised rather than not use them 😳

OP posts:
Ejk1990 · 18/08/2022 14:37

Either he has form for this behaviour, went bonkers, or you wrote more in your text than your letting on. As its not normal behaviour at all.

catandcoffee · 18/08/2022 14:42

I'd rethink the moving in together after his abusive texts.
What a complete over reaction, on his part.