To use the bottles already made up

[friendsaddict87]

Right this is going to sound so petty of me I know but I feel completely made fun of!

My partner and I have a 3 month old baby together but we don't live together. It's in the pipeline we just didn't plan the pregnancy so we still want to make sure the relationship goes in the right way.

Baby is great, sleeps well but of course it's still tiring as there's still so much to do with bottle feeding which I do.

He was here the other night and we were down to our last sterilised bottle so he said I'll sterilise another 6. Great.

Then I remembered I still had a sterilised bottle in the baby bag from when I took her for a walk and I took a spare, so I told him actually I have another one in the bag, he asked where the bag was and I told him.

2 days later he's at his today and I was just tidying up and found the bottle still in the bag. So as it's 2 days I now have to rewash and sterilise the bottle. Which is no big deal but thought I'd send a message (smiley faces and I love yous in it!) to just ask if we can use the bottles already sterilised before the new batch, as it's pointless doing them if he isn't going to use them and just sterilise new ones and have to resterilise the unused ones.

He's kicked right off! Saying I'm pathetic and it'll only take me 30 seconds etc.

Was I being unreasonable asking him if we can use an already sterilised bottle?! He's sending laughing faces like I'm crazy for sending a message like this but from my perspective I don't want to have to do any extra washing when I don't need to?

Nope and even when he first kicked off I replied again saying look it's no big deal just means we use the bottles we've already sterilised, Love you 😘😘

He's continued to send messages swearing at me saying he's never gonna do anything for me again etc etc.

Fair enough if he wants to think I'm overreacting by asking that we don't resterilise unused bottles as we don't have an unlimited amount but no need for name calling. It's as if I've asked him something horrendous!

Not normally one to say LTB, but in this case.

I do think you were petty, but he is definitely more in the wrong now. I'd stop replying and await an apology for the abuse.

It was unnecessary to send the message he forgot about that bottle and do did you....

It sounds like he's trying to be support despite not living together. Bear in mind he must feel a bit detached from you both and your routine. Picking on stuff he's doing might feel a bit harsh and like he's intruding on your ways when he's just trying to help and be involved.

Why did you have to say you love him and send kisses to make it okay? You say that like you think it's fine to say something critical to him as long as you send the right things after?

This was me trying to show him I wasn't pissed off, as text can be sometimes hard to detect tone I was hoping that the love you bits would tell him that I'm not pissed off 😬 we both kinda do this if there's a text that could be taken in one way, the love yous kinda show that the tone is calm etc - usually this works for us! Did not work today 🤣

I would have just used the bottle

I think I found it odd more than anything.

He asked me where the other bottle was and I said in her bag and at that moment he walked passed her bag 🤣 decided not to get it and instead made up more bottles.

Regardless, it's not the biggest issue of course, I'm just a very 'nip things in the bud' kinda person and being on my own half the time with the baby has been difficult on us both, and if when I'm on my own I can be 5 bottles ahead instead of 4 for example, then that just makes my life easier.

Maybe i could have just playfully said it in person to ensure he knew it's something small but I'd like it to be done, but his reaction is as if I've asked him something terrible

I've stopped replying.

If he didn't think it was a big deal that's fine, but he's not the one here all the time either constantly washing and sterilising bottles so he gets half the week where he has a break from it all, so maybe it would be less important for him.

But there's no need for his reaction, a simple he didn't realise it was a big deal would have been fine - I'm not accepting name calling etc! Madness!

Um no of course he should not have a go at you and speak aggressively! A polite request does not warrant that, whether or not PP think the subject of the request was trivial

So to be clear, you don't get to ask him to either do, or not do, anything. He will do what he chooses. He will no longer do anything for you because you threatened his alpha male status by asking to do something differently. Bear in mind this will never change.

True 😳

A friend of mine just pointed out also whether petty or not what I asked, being in a relationship where you regret asking your other half to help you out by doing something, for fear of being called names and receiving an angry response, is not good 😳.

Maybe i could have just playfully said it in person to ensure he knew it's something small but I'd like it to be done, but his reaction is as if I've asked him something terrible

Or maybe if you really felt the need to say it - you could have said it like an adult?

@LittleBearPad aahh I just love the attitude of some MN people.

Pardon me for being at home with the baby on my own and thinking how can I make sure every bottle is used up but say it in a way that isn't arsey so still thinking of his feelings.

I'm pretty sure that considering both our feelings there is being like an adult.

I'm at home on my own with the baby being called names by my other half because I want bottles to be used up I don't also need someone saying I'm not behaving like an adult.

Thank you to all the other PP for their respectful responses.

I didn’t say you aren’t behaving like an adult.

However your messages have to have emojis in to convey mood? You have to have ‘playful’ conversations with your partner? It must be exhausting

@LittleBearPad yes, i include emojos to convey mood. As far as my interactions with friends and partner are concerned it's the norm, that's what emojis are for, for me.

Secondly it has been exhausting today as I'm struggling to understand his overreaction to something very simple which I assured wasn't a big deal it just makes life easier so we have maximum bottles made up.

I see where you're coming from OP. I find cleaning and sterilising bottles relentless and tedious. Your message probably did come across as passive aggressive and in hindsight you probably should have said something in person.

However, his reaction as someone else has said, really isn't normal. I'd be rethinking him moving in if this is how he reacts because no doubt next time there is something else you'll think twice about saying something for fear of his reaction. This may be an early form of him asserting control now you're "trapped" with a child and him moving in.

I don’t understand why other posters are having a go at you. It was a reasonable request and he has responded way over the top and is being really rude and cruel. I would really reconsider this relationship if he’s going to take massive offence at such a non issue. You’re a new mum, your allowed to make unreasonable requests!

@lamaze1 @Regularsizedrudy thanks both. Yes in hindsight maybe in person would have been better, I'm definitely a bit right I'll say this now while I remember kinda person then I move on. I guess I thought it needed to be mentioned but not a big deal enough to need to see him in person as it was just a "to make life easier" sorta thing... Can we do this...

And like you've both said the reaction is way over the top. When the baby was born I felt a bit sad not to live with him but moments like these shows me that actually we're ok as we are for now - just because we have a baby doesn't mean he will be moving in with reactions like this!

He’s swearing at you even though you do the bulk of parenting.

Do not NOT let this twat move in. Dump.

Get the mam self sterilising microwave bottles, so easy.