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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First date wanting to pick me up

44 replies

Lolabray · 17/08/2022 22:30

I am arranging a first date and he has mentioned a few times about picking me up so I can have a drink. I’ve explained I do get nervous on first dates (but I don’t want to drink much and have my wits about me).

I remember babysitting for a friend where a guy she had never met came to pick her up.

However as a mum of two who has watched too many programmes I am wary of someone picking me up & want to get back safe.

He has not been disrespectful about it and said I was just trying to be a gent but i totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable.

Thoughts please

OP posts:
J0y · 17/08/2022 22:33

I think in the old days when you knew a first date from school, college, work or through friends, this was a gentlemanly thing to do but not now when people meet on line and don't have any mutual friends.

Flat no.

KyaClark · 17/08/2022 22:33

Say you'll meet him. Make it somewhere public.

Whattodooo90 · 17/08/2022 22:34

Nice of him to offer but you’re right to politely decline

User4670 · 17/08/2022 22:35

I would politely decline

FlyingSaucerss · 17/08/2022 22:37

You need to ask? I’m guessing this is from old? If so then of course you don’t agree to this

Dotcheck · 17/08/2022 22:38

Please don’t tell him more personal information about you ( you get nervous etc).

Just say ‘ no, that’s fine’ and arrange to meet somewhere public.

HOWEVER
He’s asked a few times to pick you up? That would put me off big time. First, it’s wildly inappropriate ( not in the least bit gentlemanly), and you said no more than once and he ‘mentioned’ it again.
Why is he so keen for you to have a drink? I bet you didn’t mention you wanted one, given that you said your preference is to abstain.

Personally, I would give it a miss.

whatshouldIdo2022 · 17/08/2022 22:39

No. Nonono especially if he is mentioning you being able to have a drink.

loosebutton · 17/08/2022 22:41

Hmm...why has he mentioned it a few times? I agree don't tell him too much when you're not even on a first date yet.

DinosaursEatMan · 17/08/2022 22:42

I hit the wrong button, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

kweeble · 17/08/2022 22:43

I’d give him a miss - he should accept you choosing to meet him in public - what will you do if he insists on taking you home? You’re giving him too much power and don’t need to say you’re nervous either.

gogogadgetgo · 17/08/2022 22:43

It's weird that he's pressing the point. And it's weird he's mentioned about wanting you to drink.

How well do you know him?

I'm getting bad feelings from this. It's not gentlemanly to not accept no as an answer.

Babdoc · 17/08/2022 22:44

This “gent” wishes to get you drunk and dependent on him for transport. Yeah, I wonder why…

mindutopia · 17/08/2022 22:44

Nope. Just get a taxi if you need to.

UrbanMage · 17/08/2022 22:46

No, no, a thousand times no. Sounds super dodgy to me. I'd stick to public spaces for now, in daytime.

SilentHedges · 17/08/2022 22:47

Aside from being picked up so you can have a drink, do you really want a stranger to know where you live, before you've met?

He may have the best intentions, but flat no, meet him somewhere public. Unless he keeps insisting on this, then don't meet him at all.

Tigerstripes1 · 17/08/2022 22:48

Nope, I made this mistake in my early OLD days. I got stalked for 4 months. Dont do it, please.

DatingIsDifficult · 17/08/2022 22:48

Go there under your own steam, don’t have alcohol, get back under your own steam.

Although the fact that he suggested it, you said no, then he carried on suggesting it would put me off.

Plus I always have a daytime or very early evening (6pm latest) meeting first.

Evasmissingletter · 17/08/2022 22:49

Nah… he may be a genuine nice guy or …..he’s angling for you getting tipsy and him getting a shag . Meet in public for first date and see what’s he’s really like.

marlowe5 · 17/08/2022 22:50

Nope I would bail out at this point. A date who doesn't want to drink himself but wants me to drink. Just no.

Candleabra · 17/08/2022 22:52

Absolutely not.
First (and a few subsequent) meetings should be a public place of your choosing, preferably daylight. Meet on your home turf (not literally), but somewhere you feel comfortable.
If they want to meet you they’ll come.
And tell someone where you’re going.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/08/2022 22:53

Any decent man would know that it is creepy AF to want the home address of a woman you haven't met and suggest driving her so she can drink. Id be blocking him.

Candleabra · 17/08/2022 22:55

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/08/2022 22:53

Any decent man would know that it is creepy AF to want the home address of a woman you haven't met and suggest driving her so she can drink. Id be blocking him.

And yes to this. Quite right - a good man would want you to feel safe

GinnyJelly · 17/08/2022 23:01

No, at ‘best’ he just wants to get you tipsy and increase the opportunity that he can take you back to his. At worst he could lock the car doors, drive you somewhere, drug you/rape you.

Summerfun54321 · 17/08/2022 23:15

Maybe he has a flash car he thinks will impress you… maybe he’s a gent… maybe he’s a total weirdo. The point is don’t take any risks.

I met my DH online and really enjoyed OLD. A friend of mine on the other hand was stalked online, at her home and work by a guy she met online and it ruined her. It’s pot luck.

PurpleVioletBlue · 17/08/2022 23:44

Nope. My friend got into a car with a random guy she had met online. He drove her to a remote location up on the moors and explained that he liked to have sex on first dates. She told him in no uncertain terms that wasn't going to happen with her, and thankfully he drove her back into town - but dear god, I would have been terrified. There are some proper creeps around. Meet somewhere public. Keep a close eye on your drink. Tell someone where you're going and who you'll be with. Listen to your gut.