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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cleaner - AIBU

48 replies

Lipstickandlashes · 17/08/2022 17:04

Hello

Sporadic poster, but I really need some outsider advice.

DH and I have had the same cleaner since we moved out of London 4 years ago.

We've had cleaners for more than 15 years and in terms of the standard of the clean, she's one of the best we've had, which is why we've stuck with her. We pay her £14 an hour for four hours a week, in a single block. It's a five bedroom house and this is normally ample to get the job done.

However, over the past year (since Covid, really) things have been getting very hit and miss. Some of this, I fully admit, is our fault. She's a single mum of young kids, so we sometime let her bring her kids when she's struggling for childcare. She rarely does a full four hours (more like 2.5 or 3) but because the clean is generally decent, we've let it slide.

My biggest mistake is that sometimes, she would text earlier in the week, asking for prepayment as she was short of cash. Against my better judgement (and if you knew me, you'd know how out of character this is) I would generally pay her, and to be fair, she always did the job as booked, so it was fine.

However, there's been a shift in the last couple of months. A couple of times, she's just not turned up (no message/call) and then text later pretending that nothing's happened, or come up with some bollocks story re one of her kids being sick.

This week, she has taken the piss and I'm not sure how to proceed. She was meant to come on Monday and clean our house (much needed, as we'd had guests) and also do a first clean for a neighbour who we'd passed her details to.

On the Friday, she asked for the money in advance. I had a niggle, but sent it anyway, assuming she wouldn't flake on two jobs. But she has done. No messages since, seems to have blocked me, no refund, no update. According to her FB, she's been on a weekend break and got lip filler on Saturday (probably using my cash). Absolute piss take.

DH thinks we should chalk it up to experience, kiss goodbye to the cash and get a new cleaner (which we'll obvs be doing anyway).

I, however, an SEETHING. I feel like she's played me for a twat because I was an uncharacteristically soft touch, and want my fucking money back.

So:

YABU - let it go, life's too short.

YANBU - pursue in case she does it to someone else.

OP posts:
dizzyupthegirl86 · 17/08/2022 17:13

Does she have a regular day she does for you? I’d be inclined to do nothing for now, wait for her to do the next clean, and then once she’s done tell her that the payment you advanced her on Friday is payment for that week.

Brideandprejudice · 17/08/2022 17:20

How do you pay her? Can you contact the bank?

badgerstink · 17/08/2022 17:22

I'd be seething too of course YANBU. Has she got a key? If so id probably get my locks changed

Essexgalttc · 17/08/2022 17:26

I’d be fuming too
Your first mistake is pre-paying her although I’m sure you recognise this was a mistake yourself and don’t need telling - you were just being kind especially as you’ve known her for ages

I agree with the first comment
Give it until the weekend and see if she eventually replies to you
Get her to do the job as you’ve paid then find another cleaner and make sure you tell her why

You’ve been caring and let her bring her children round if childcare has been an issue and prepaid her in advance. The trust is gone and by the sounds of it her being there for less time and cleaning being hit and miss is a good indication that this has now run it’s course

xx

RinskeD · 17/08/2022 17:26

If she's blocked you then she's not coming back is she? Change the locks... more expense. I'd be inclined to turn up on her doorstep for my refund.

PoshHorseyBird · 17/08/2022 18:02

Do you have any way of contacting her at all? Maybe start off by asking when she will be doing her next clean as you've already paid her for it. Failing that ask her for a refund. If no joy with that I would leave a review saying what's happened. What she has done is completely dishonest.

shazzybazzy34 · 17/08/2022 18:36

I would be so angry with this. You have bent over backwards to accommodate her. The trust is definitely gone.

Lipstickandlashes · 17/08/2022 19:43

Thanks so much all!

To answer some questions- yes, she has a regular day and she’s not turned up.

She moved house a few weeks ago (I know as she asked me to lend her a load of money for the deposit - errr, no was my answer!) but we don’t know her new address.

However, I’m still a friend on Facebook and can see that she started a new job in a call centre type setting a couple of words ago. I could definitely contact the company but not sure if that’s the nuclear option. Tempted though, tbh. Icing on the cake is a recent FB story of her (heavily filtered) pouting her new lip filler that she posted yesterday, so clearly there’s been no accident etc.

Good shout on the bank, I’ll get in touch with them just in case….

She’s absolutely taken the piss and I want my money back!

OP posts:
badgerstink · 17/08/2022 19:47

If you know where she works find out how they allocate email addresses (such as first [email protected]) and send her an email. That should give her a shock. Cheeky cow

Lipstickandlashes · 17/08/2022 19:49

@badgerstink good thought!

OP posts:
ChampagneLassie · 17/08/2022 19:53

Life is too short, you've only lost 1 weeks money. Cut your loses, find a new cleaner and keep boundaries.

TheTeddyBears · 17/08/2022 19:58

I might be tempted to post on Facebook if I were u. State her name or even tag her! Let everyone know she's stolen money from u and the circumstances. This means others don't get caught out by her and hopefully shames her into giving u the money back so u delete the post.

travailtotravel · 17/08/2022 19:59

Letter to her work email asking for the money back, funds for changing the locks and maybe mention small claims court?

EarringsandLipstick · 17/08/2022 20:05

ChampagneLassie · 17/08/2022 19:53

Life is too short, you've only lost 1 weeks money. Cut your loses, find a new cleaner and keep boundaries.

This.

She's not coming back. And you're not going to see the money. It's crap but you'll get nowhere & drive yourself mad in the process.

hedgehogger1 · 17/08/2022 20:07

She's stolen from you. Not really sure what you can do about it though :(

Lipstickandlashes · 17/08/2022 20:30

The sane part of my brain is saying it’s a bit of money, let it go and move on. Be grateful that I’m in a position that I feel the need to steal from people. As a pp said, I’ll drive myself mad.

And then the reactionary part is raging, wants her to know she can’t take the piss and stop her doing it to anyone else in the future…

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 17/08/2022 20:35

TheTeddyBears · 17/08/2022 19:58

I might be tempted to post on Facebook if I were u. State her name or even tag her! Let everyone know she's stolen money from u and the circumstances. This means others don't get caught out by her and hopefully shames her into giving u the money back so u delete the post.

Yes, because blackmail’s such a good look.

Just write it off and find another cleaner. I doubt she’ll come back anyway.

NotMyDust · 17/08/2022 20:36

EarringsandLipstick · 17/08/2022 20:05

This.

She's not coming back. And you're not going to see the money. It's crap but you'll get nowhere & drive yourself mad in the process.

Yep. Another vote for moving on from this negativity OP.

WTF475878237NC · 17/08/2022 20:42

I'd report her to her new workplace sending screenshots of her asking for advances and then cancelling with excuses. If nothing else they'll keep a closer eye on her during her probation. She's a thief after all.

www.gov.uk/options-if-youre-owed-money

ThinWomansBrain · 17/08/2022 20:45

I'd be fuming too - but the more you chase it, you'll just make you feel v negative - is it really worth it?

Whadda · 17/08/2022 20:48

For those saying to report her to her employer, what do you expect them to do? Sack her. What good would that do?

OP, she’s a chancer and a scrounger. She’s behaved badly and has left you £64 out of pocket. It’s annoying, but not worth the headspace. Move on, and take it as a lesson in not letting your guard down in future.

dizzyupthegirl86 · 17/08/2022 20:49

If she’s done it to you, you don’t know who else she’s done it to. I don’t think she should get away with it. If it were me, I’d give it a few days - a) to see if she gets in touch and b ) to see if my rage abated.
If I was still fuming, I’d be tempted to contact her workplace. If she’d stolen possessions, you’d want her work to know, if she was in the same job. The fact is - she’s untrustworthy.

Whadda · 17/08/2022 20:49

Sorry, £56. Misread as £16/hr.

Connie2468 · 17/08/2022 20:52

I'd just let it go and find a new cleaner. Not worth the stress to try to get revenge.

SparklingLime · 17/08/2022 20:52

You were recommending her despite recent behaviour?