Cleaner - AIBU

[Lipstickandlashes]

Hello

Sporadic poster, but I really need some outsider advice.

DH and I have had the same cleaner since we moved out of London 4 years ago.

We've had cleaners for more than 15 years and in terms of the standard of the clean, she's one of the best we've had, which is why we've stuck with her. We pay her £14 an hour for four hours a week, in a single block. It's a five bedroom house and this is normally ample to get the job done.

However, over the past year (since Covid, really) things have been getting very hit and miss. Some of this, I fully admit, is our fault. She's a single mum of young kids, so we sometime let her bring her kids when she's struggling for childcare. She rarely does a full four hours (more like 2.5 or 3) but because the clean is generally decent, we've let it slide.

My biggest mistake is that sometimes, she would text earlier in the week, asking for prepayment as she was short of cash. Against my better judgement (and if you knew me, you'd know how out of character this is) I would generally pay her, and to be fair, she always did the job as booked, so it was fine.

However, there's been a shift in the last couple of months. A couple of times, she's just not turned up (no message/call) and then text later pretending that nothing's happened, or come up with some bollocks story re one of her kids being sick.

This week, she has taken the piss and I'm not sure how to proceed. She was meant to come on Monday and clean our house (much needed, as we'd had guests) and also do a first clean for a neighbour who we'd passed her details to.

On the Friday, she asked for the money in advance. I had a niggle, but sent it anyway, assuming she wouldn't flake on two jobs. But she has done. No messages since, seems to have blocked me, no refund, no update. According to her FB, she's been on a weekend break and got lip filler on Saturday (probably using my cash). Absolute piss take.

DH thinks we should chalk it up to experience, kiss goodbye to the cash and get a new cleaner (which we'll obvs be doing anyway).

I, however, an SEETHING. I feel like she's played me for a twat because I was an uncharacteristically soft touch, and want my fucking money back.

So:

YABU - let it go, life's too short.

YANBU - pursue in case she does it to someone else.

Yeah, I think you’re probably right. Let it go and move on.

The pisser is, if she’d said she was leaving, I’d have given her the pay as a bonus and said good luck. Someone who’s in a good place in life doesn’t behave like that, so I should probably just feel sorry for her…

You sound lovely (and if you're near me, I'll come and clean for you!!)

I think she's abused your trust and I'd be pretty cross with her. If you can track her down, I'd be tempted to send a recorded delivery letter asking her to repay the money. I think there's form letters online that you can use.

If it were me, I'd be contacting the new employer as her 'previous employer' and telling them how she conducted herself whilst being employed as a cleaner

I think you are unlikely to get any money back & should just let it go.

Did you used to go out to work before covid & now work at home? Just wondering if she used to come in & do the bare minimum & now you're home she is feeling like she has to do the full 4 hours.

The fillers would annoy me tbh

I think that's the best way to look at it.

yes you could chase it. You could do a number of things, but it won't make you feel better because it's not really about the money, it's about how she's treat you after you've been so good to her isn't it.

good luck finding a new cleaner!! Hopefully between you & your neighbour you can find a good one!

'She's a single mum of young kids'. Please don't report her to her new employer. Yes she's a dick... and arguably a thief. But is £56 really worth risking her losing her job?

I totally understand the rage... I can lose sleep over a wasted tenner, but think this is one to be the bigger person.

Like you said, her life is probably already a bit shit.

You absolutely should get the money back.

Similar thing happened to a friend. My friend posted a perfectly polite public comment on her FB saying something along the lines of “Hi **, would you mind calling us as we paid you in advance in good faith but you didn’t turn up to clean, you didn’t call us and you don’t seem to be responding to messages. We want to know you’re okay as we did t think you’d be the type to steal. Let us know you’re okay and when you’ll be returning the cash. “

It was returned that day.

For the sake of sanity I’d kiss the fifty odd quid goodbye. If you’re still able to see her Fb posts, I’d reply saying oh I can see the lips were the emergency you needed the cash for…good luck at the call centre, I think I know your new boss 😁
Alternatively, if you’re not mad, simply change the locks and alarm passcodes and block her, after telling the neighbour you recommended her to.

If you paid. By bank transfer, for a service, which she hasn’t performed, will they give it back? (and then they reclaim form her, I assume). I know it’s no the money, but still. I suppose there’s the small claims court, if not.

I’m also impressed that 4 hours on such a big house is enough. My days off seems to revolve around housework for far longer than four hours and a much smaller property.

I honestly would just forget about it all.
It cost you £50odd to really see how unprofessional she has become.

I wouldn't waste a second more on being annoyed with this. Forget about the money, her personal circumstances and personal life or her new work life - it does not concern you. Good luck to her and be glad you're out of it.

Remove any links on social media and don't contact her. If she bothers to contact you just say you are no longer her client, no other discussions.

I disagree with suggestions of contacting her through her new job or posting anything public. Forget about her.

Hopefully you'll find a good replacement soon and keep everything strictly professional with the next one.

This is brilliant!

I’d get in touch with her through her new work or a letter and threaten small claims court if she doesn’t pay you back within a week.

Being a single mother is irrelevant and not an excuse to scam people anyway. It’s the principle of the thing. She planned to con money out of you by abusing your kindness and generosity and then got her lips done. That is really scummy behaviour.

Sack her off, move on and that’s that. We’ve been in similar situations in the past and at least you can look back and you’ll know that you were in the right.

I'm surprised by the number of posters saying leave it. She's behaved terribly and there should be consequences to her dishonesty.

I wouldn't jeopardise her new job but I would absolutely pursue her for your money back otherwise it's a tacit consent and encouragement to repeat the behaviour.

You've had nearly 4 years of good cleaning from her. It is sad it's ended this way and as you say, you would have paid her for the final time and not expected her to clean anyway. But who knows what pressure she's been under and she's found a new job, sounds like there's been a real shift in her life. Celebrate the happy cleaning relationship you had and find a super new person to clean.

She's a single mum of young kids'. Please don't report her to her new employer. Yes she's a dick... and arguably a thief. But is £56 really worth risking her losing her job?

SHE is the one who should have been asking whether it was worth risking her new job over £56; not the person she has swindled.

Tbh that's prob why she's working as a cleaner, because she's not reliable. Leave it and move on to a new cleaner.
No point trying to punish her as you're not going to be able to resolve her issues for her.

She's a young single mum- like you said yourself, clearly in a pathetically bad place to treat you the way she has.

Please don't try and wreck her life as some posters are suggesting.

Move on and be happy you aren't her.

For everyone rattling on about her being a poor single mother and not to pursue the money - she's defrauded the OP (and who knows how many other people) out of money knowingly, and then not actually spent it on those children, but on herself, getting something as bloody ludicrous as fillers. If she's as needy as so many posters think, then why isn't the money being spent on her children rather than herself?

It's a load of bollocks. The fact she's blocked the OP and is avoiding contact proves she knows she's in the wrong. She deserves being brought to account for what she's done, thieving bitch. As for asking the OP to help her out with a house deposit - that's unbelievable cheeky fuckery!

You have been very kind and understanding to this lady. You perhaps thought a wage advance was needed for groceries for her kids and can be proud of your behaviour while being a bit more sceptical in future.

You had after all known her for years and trusted her - and at least you said no to the wildly outrageous request for a house deposit! (Perhaps one of her clients leant her it?!)

I agree you should pity her - she is not able to build honest and trusting relationships and is on the make. I hope her attitude doesn't come back to bite her kids.

Watch The Maid on Netflix and know that you are a kind lady that tried to help someone you thought was struggling. (I cried through every episode) That's worth more that the £60. You have your morals and can be proud of your behaviour. She doesn't and can't.

Had a room mate who did a moonlight flit on us once. We knew where she worked and turned up there to discuss it with her. She paid up. I was going to escalate it if she did not pay and she knew it.