4 year old saying nasty things

[Longtimeposternc]

My DS is usually a very well behaved child. He has randomly started to tell his younger sibling, me and DH to “shut up”, “go away” and calling us “stupid” “idiot” etc. he fully understands these are naughty words and laughs because I get cross. I have absolutely no idea where he has learnt this stuff - it’s not the sort of thing we ever say at home and I assume it’s from a couple of summer clubs he has done. I’m feeling a bit down about it as he keeps doing it and I would really love some advice on how to handle please. He does say sorry afterwards but then he just does it again so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s my first as well so not sure if everyone just does this or it’s just him! Thanks all

Who is planning for the future? The playground thread was whilst they were putting their shoes on this weekend to go to the playground!

I really do agree that out of the house/biting etc needs much firmer approach and therefore I also like to make sure I don’t go too nuclear with this sort of thing. Reading your post has helped me verbalise that the issue is really not knowing where this sort of behaviour sits and so not being sure of how to handle. It needs nipping in the bud for sure but it’s not the same level as hitting etc

You're right - it's not the same level as hitting or not listening in dangerous situations and so doesn't deserve the same sort of punishment. Those things will get an immediate, extremely sharp response from me and, if done a second time, my DC will be pulled over to sit next to me if we're out of the house (and on the third time, we'll go home and leave the fun activity). If at home, DC will be sent to sit on the stairs and reflect.

As a result, I don't punish "lesser" misbehaviour in this way as I think if you shout and punish the whole time, it loses its effectiveness. Usually it's just silliness or DC getting carried away (especially if with friends) so I remind that it's not nice and then use my "annoyed" tone if the behaviour continues. That's usually enough so I don't have to go onto the next stage, which is to take myself away and refuse to engage until I get an apology.

glad that the threat of no tv time worked.

what about a behaviour chart in future? You could deduct points or stars or whatever proportionately with any bad behaviour?

They get points for extra special behaviour eg sharing their last pombear with each other or something. I don’t love the idea of taking away points they’ve earned and I also don’t want to give them points for doing bog standard stuff I think they should be doing anyway eg tidying toys or eating food