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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say she's acting like a spoilt brat?

30 replies

mermaidtail · 15/08/2022 22:41

We were all watching a movie, DD wasn't settling, bouncing up and down, kept asking questions etc, she had pleaded with us to watch the movie all day.

Anyway, my dad got fed up, got really angry and said she is acting like a spoilt brat. My sister completely ripped into him while I settled DD upstairs with something else to do.

My sisters opinion is you shouldn't speak to a young child like that as it's toxic.
Dads opinion is if a child doesn't learn now they will never learn, and that my sister has no experience with children so she doesn't understand. He also said he didn't call her a spoiled brat he said she is acting like one.

I feel stuck in the middle here. I spoke to him and said he shouldn't say things like that.

I have noticed a few times him staying here he has snapped at DD & got quite angry like he did with us when we were little.

Where do I stand?

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/08/2022 22:42

How old is DD?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/08/2022 22:43

Not that it’s relevant actually, I’m just nosey - it’s not cool to call a child a spoilt brat to their face.

My mum prattles on some times about my kids and my stick answer is always “You had your time raising children, this is my time and my way”.

Original poster
mermaidtail · 15/08/2022 22:44

She's 4

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2022 22:46

You stand with your child. How old is she? She was too tired to stay up so you should have acted in her best interests and got her to bed before she started messing around too much. And you shouldn’t let anyone speak to her like that, depending on her age it wasn’t her fault she was too tired and restless to sit still. No one would ever speak to my daughter like that and your sister was right. You don’t have to have children to know how to speak to them ffs.

You’re not in the middle of anything. You should have put her to bed earlier and you should stop anyone insulting her. Stick up for your child.

winterlilies · 15/08/2022 22:46

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hotfroth · 15/08/2022 22:47

At 4 she's old enough to learn to sit down and be quiet, and to be told off if she doesn't.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2022 22:48

4?!

What time was it?

She was doing what overtired young children do and you’re suggesting it was okay for him to be nasty to her. That’s horrible.

Stop letting him speak to her in an insulting way or being angry with her, it’s unacceptable.

mattressspring · 15/08/2022 22:48

hotfroth · 15/08/2022 22:47

At 4 she's old enough to learn to sit down and be quiet, and to be told off if she doesn't.

On the other hand I would wonder why she was so unsettled and work to try and help her.

TeapotTitties · 15/08/2022 22:49

I spoke to him and said he shouldn't say things like that.

Why though?

Is your child not allowed to know she's acting like a spoilt brat when she behaves that way?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2022 22:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

The sister probably remembers what angry grandad was like as angry dad and doesn’t want her niece to get picked on. Good job someone sees this for what it is.

JustSortYoursefOut · 15/08/2022 22:50

Kids of 4 don't have a very long attention span. A 30 minute programme, instead of a film, would have been better. Your dad perhaps wanted to watch the film/have a bit of quiet time. Worse things have been said by grandparents

Shinyandnew1 · 15/08/2022 22:52

I wouldn’t appreciate my dad speaking to my kids like that. He wouldn’t though, so it’s hard to imagine.

Do you all live together-is it your house?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/08/2022 22:52

TeapotTitties · 15/08/2022 22:49

I spoke to him and said he shouldn't say things like that.

Why though?

Is your child not allowed to know she's acting like a spoilt brat when she behaves that way?

She’s 4!!! You don’t fucking name call to a 4yo

Quitelikeit · 15/08/2022 22:55

‘a derogatory term aimed at children who exhibit behavioral problems from being overindulged by their parents or other caregivers’

minipie · 15/08/2022 22:56

A 4 yo bouncing up and down and asking questions during a movie is not a spoilt brat. That’s just being 4. Sure, she should have been told to sit quietly, but not told she was acting like a brat.

Your dad was massively out of order and I’m glad your sister told him so.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/08/2022 22:57

What kind of father was he growing up OP?

Original poster
mermaidtail · 15/08/2022 22:58

It was a minor occurrence but I'm interested to know what others thoughts are on this.
My dad has only in the last 6 weeks come into my daughters life as he doesn't live in this country so hasn't seen DD since she was 5M.

A pp on this thread somewhere hit the nail on the head when they mentioned him being angry bringing memories back for my sister, who felt we were constantly being shouted at and told off as children by him.

I've said to DS she has nothing to worry about as I won't allow it to go that far. He is a very strict man with old fashioned ways. I think they may have to agree to disagree in this instance.

OP posts:
Blev2022 · 15/08/2022 22:58

I disagree with the name calling. I was name called by my mum and I still have those memories now as an adult. Children can be disciplined without name calling.
The fact that your sister kicked off and that you've mentioned hes snapped a few times before and got angry like he used to do when you were little shows to me it's inappropriate. I'd set clear boundaries with him

Sally872 · 15/08/2022 23:01

I think I would have taken dd away to do something else when she was preventing others enjoying the movie.

I don't think behaving like a spoilt brat is accurate or best way to word it but not toxic or awful either.

Original poster
mermaidtail · 15/08/2022 23:04

@Sally872 I don't think I've ever sat down and watched an entire movie with my daughter , we watch maybe 30 minutes then do something else. I did explain that it's impossible to expect a 4 year old to sit down for 2 hours in silence and watch a movie. I took her up to my room instead and made her a hot chocolate, she was happy enough. She did apparently later on speak to my dad, and said 'mummy and (my sister) aren't impressed that you called me a brat' she's very aware and so clever for her age.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 15/08/2022 23:06

Stand where you want?

But I’d say your Dad needs to learn to keep his temper and find alternative phrases - brat is rude and aggressive.

However if she was being a pain he has a basic point - take her to bed next time she is overtired and playing up. It’s not great to inflict this on other people.

TeapotTitties · 15/08/2022 23:10

She’s 4!!! You don’t fucking name call to a 4yo

Of course you don't

And he didn't

mattressspring · 15/08/2022 23:11

She did apparently later on speak to my dad, and said 'mummy and (my sister) aren't impressed that you called me a brat' she's very aware and so clever for her age.

She should t have to be aware at her age. Your dad has only just come into her life, I would suggest you removed him from it again. No good is going to come of them having contact. It's all new and he is already calling her a brat. It sounds as if he has no tolerance for normal 4 year old behaviour. Don't change her for him.

TeapotTitties · 15/08/2022 23:12

She did apparently later on speak to my dad, and said 'mummy and (my sister) aren't impressed that you called me a brat' she's very aware and so clever for her age.

Well she can't be that aware because you said yourself he didn't call her a brat.

Airbnbdisaster · 15/08/2022 23:16

I would have reacted the same way as your sister ! She is only 4