To say she's acting like a spoilt brat?

[mermaidtail]

We were all watching a movie, DD wasn't settling, bouncing up and down, kept asking questions etc, she had pleaded with us to watch the movie all day.

Anyway, my dad got fed up, got really angry and said she is acting like a spoilt brat. My sister completely ripped into him while I settled DD upstairs with something else to do.

My sisters opinion is you shouldn't speak to a young child like that as it's toxic.
Dads opinion is if a child doesn't learn now they will never learn, and that my sister has no experience with children so she doesn't understand. He also said he didn't call her a spoiled brat he said she is acting like one.

I feel stuck in the middle here. I spoke to him and said he shouldn't say things like that.

I have noticed a few times him staying here he has snapped at DD & got quite angry like he did with us when we were little.

Where do I stand?

I think sometimes telling a kid something like that worsens the behaviour, because they ended up playing up to it. My parents occasionally called me a brat or spoilt, mostly in jest but sometimes as a telling off, and I think I really internalised it as part of my personality and ended up having to work quite hard to not be spoilt. I don’t think it’s a great thing to call a child, there are better ways to call out bad behaviour, and a grandparent shouldn’t be getting involved in disciplining at all if the parent is present.

He’s not used to children and was overly harsh.
But... she then went back to him and told him you and sister “weren’t impressed” by his remark?? That’s pretty cheeky for a 4-year-old to say yo a grandparent. It’s not on for such a young child to play adults off against each other like that.

You're splitting hairs. The grandfather got irritated with the granddaughter and used the words spoilt brat about her in her presence.

OK, I have minimal patience with kids and find a lot of their general behaviour really annoying, but even I wouldn’t describe a 4-year-old being fidgety and talking during a film as ‘acting like a spoilt brat’. She’s 4 years old and she’s over-excited and hyped up because you’ve got visitors.

She doesn’t even know your father who has apparently not had any interest in her before, so he has no business ticking you off about her behaviour.

And yes, as others have said, your sister definitely remembers him being a bad-tempered bully and didn’t want to see your DD (or you, as you seem to be much more deferential than your sister and your father is exploiting that by telling you your child is a brat and snapping at you about her) be bullied and shouted at like she was. You seem a lot more passive and nervous around your father than she is and I think your sister sees that and is worried.

My darling daughter is 12, 13 soon and she was never called a spoilt brat.She was a little horror at that age and still is now when she has a bad day and that’s why we call her a nasty baby.🤣

She asked me not long ago if we were still going to call her that when she is 25 🤣and I said she will always be our baby, whether she’s a nice baby or nasty one is up to her.😊

x