Bf not giving me a heads up about something

[Away77]

My bf and I have been dating for a couple of months. A couple of weeks ago I had a bruise on my upper thigh which he immediately assumed was a hickey. We were not exclusive at the time but it wasn’t a hickey. He has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, needing constant reassurance from me to the point where we’ve argued quite a bit over it. He has hammered home the point that he really needs to feel safe and secure and he’s struggling to do that with me because of this. He’s not possessive or controlling in any other way when it comes to men.

Up until about 2 weeks ago he was still in contact with his ex fiance. I wasn’t crazy about the idea idea but I didn’t ask him to cut contact or anything - not my place. We’ve moved together and the place he proposed to his fiancé to is right down the street from us. He has been insisting we go there almost daily, has said it’s his favourite place in the whole world and was upset when I said I didn’t really like it. I didn’t know this until I saw a Facebook memory pop up of the day of their engagement. I’m really upset that he didn’t tell me, it’s something I would have given him a heads up about but I also know sometimes I can overreact so I’d just like an outsiders perspective.

Seriously OP after only two months this is a massive red flag:

He has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, needing constant reassurance from me to the point where we’ve argued quite a bit over it.

At worst it's controlling behaviour, at best it's just too much effort this early. This stage should be all fun and enjoyment. He clearly is not over his ex and does not trust you, even when the thing he's afraid you're lying about wasn't even against the rules of your agreement at the time. Enough to end it over.

He has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, needing constant reassurance from me to the point where we’ve argued quite a bit over it. He has hammered home the point that he really needs to feel safe and secure and he’s struggling to do that with me because of this.

He can't feel safe and secure because of something that is all good in his head and now it's your responsibility to fix it. WTF

If you love endless drama and upset then stick with it (I suspect this wild ride is only just getting going) , if you fancy something healthier and a bit more fun then run like the wind.

He’s cheating on you. For sure- this is why he’s so paranoid about you and your bruise

we can’t be the comfort blanket for our partners. They have to be their own strength

why have you moved him in so fast? Where’s the fire? You’re barely exclusive, he IS manipulating you and he’s not over his ex.

he needs to move back out. You need to end this. You know this

That’s what he wants you believe. He’s only getting started

he will absolutely ruin every aspect of your life if he remains in it.

A couple of weeks ago you weren't exclusive and now you're living together?

@MzHz

I have been a little concerned that he might be projecting. We’ve just spoken about it and he assured me he loved that spot before the engagement (it is beautiful). And that he hasn’t even thought about it which I find inconceivable.

@loveireland

No, I clarified that we’ve moved together as in to the same place but not moved in together. Sorry

You surely CANNOT be this naive?

The proposal site thing is the least of your worries if, after dating for only a couple of months, he is having panic attacks and demanding constant reassurance over a bruise on your thigh. He is absolutely fucking nuts and you need to run a mile. Seriously. You barely know him and he’s already gone insane over basically nothing and gaslit into believing he ‘just needs to feel safe’ and ‘isn’t possessive’, plus his ‘favourite place in the world’ is place just up the road where he proposed to his fiancée?

OP, whatever he has told you about his fiancée, she definitely dumped him because he was nuts and you should do the same right now before it’s too late.

Dump and run

He wants to feel safe and secure......
But doesn't oblige you with the same sentiments?

He expects you to do as you're told and suck it up buttercup.

He's a walking red flag - the hills are that way >>>>>>>

Please get rid , it’s not normal to assume a bruise is a hickey . It’s also not normal to want to be reassured and to want to feel safe . So early on in a relationship too is even more worrying.
end it now before it gets much much worse .

It might not have occurred to you, but this is low level emotional abuse. And if you stay with him the abuse will get worse. And worse.

"He needs to feel safe and secure" Translation: you can't have anyone in your life except him. If you say you're going out with your girlfriends he'll begin by saying that you must be going out on the pull, and when you assure him you're not he'll start crying because he feels so vulnerable and scared. So you won't go out that night, and very soon you won't even bother making arrangements with the girls because you know what will happen, so you'll just stay in. While he goes out whenever and with whoever he likes, and if you say you're not comfortable with it he'll turn it on you and say he wouldn't do anything (really??) and you must think that way because you would.

Am I making myself clear?? Dump and run. If you stay with him you'll soon end up a shadow of who you are now.

Why, according to him, did him and his fiancée break up? Has he given you a whole sob story about how she cheated on him and now he's vulnerable and scared and needs reassurance?

If so, 90% chance that she did NOT cheat on him. But just got tired of his paranoid controlling behaviour. And 10% chance that if she DID cheat on him, it was after years of whining and and fear and obsessive behaviour she thought, "fuck it, may as well".

Also, as a PP pointed out, it's not your responsibility to reassure him and make him feel better about something that *is entirely in his head".

Assuming he’s your ex now?

OMG - please run a mile. He's controlling in the extreme. And as for your leg bruise: He has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, needing constant reassurance from me to the point where we’ve argued quite a bit over it I have to say WTH? If that doesn't scare you I'm really surprised!

Oh wow. He's red flag city. Run.

Definitely projecting. This isn't a healthy relationship. There a loads of other people out there that are drama free. It's way too early in the relationship for this nonsense, if ever.

He’s reeling you back in again

this man is abusive, he is making you second guess absolutely run of the mill normal stuff and making you fearful

how he’s making you feel is what you need to focus on. You’re on eggshells and think you’re in the wrong, but no idea why. This is classic manipulation.

bin him. Whatever he says now is only bullshit to reel you back in.

ok I've read both your threads - LTB

He saw a bruise on your thigh and has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, and needing constant reassurance from you. I'd think any man who did that to me while bleating on about me not making him feel safe and secure was nothing short of pathetic. Dump him as soon as possible.

Why are people bumping old threads? It's constant atm

did you say: why would I believe you? You won’t believe me about an everyday bruise on my leg, and you expect me to believe that it’s irrelevant you proposed to your ex who you are still in contact with there? You can’t have it both ways.
but really it sounds like you should run away

Because of this:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4678030-what-is-this-you-might-also-like-clutter?

Ah course it is, I've accidentally clicked on that shit because it was in a stupid place. Cheers man, didn't join up the dots there.