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AIBU?

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Original poster

No thank you received

41 replies

FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 14:36

I recently went to my friends birthday party, an evening bbq - the invite said bring a bottle. I took a present for her which cost around £35, and a bottle of champagne £36.

Am I wrong to expect a thank you for the present? I'm a bit miffed as I think it's only right to thank someone for a present. On the night presents we're just left on a table, presumably to be opened later!

I didn't even get a glass of champagne as I was driving and the food was pretty basic.

OP posts:
Yeezytiger · 15/08/2022 14:40

I wouldn't take a bottle worth that much especially if i couldn't drink it!

DenholmElliot1 · 15/08/2022 14:42

it seems a bit remiss of her not to thank you. does she normally say thank you

pastaandpesto · 15/08/2022 14:43

I guess it depends on the circles you mix in (!) but if asked to bring a bottle I would take something in the £10-15 range and wouldn't expect to be thanked.

Very rude not to send at least a thank you text for a present though. How recently is recent? If it this weekend then she may not have got round to it yet. Last weekend then yes, rude.

Idontevenknow · 15/08/2022 14:46

Where I'm from bring a bottle means bring your own alcohol to drink as we are not supplying everyone, so I'd never have rocked up with champagne at that price if I wasn't going to drink it. But I would expect a thank you for the present, either on the night or via message the next day

Goodnewsday · 15/08/2022 14:48

We went to a wedding 3 months ago and haven’t received any kind of thank you yet. I get that it maybe takes people a bit of time to go through the gifts, write down what people got them and contact them but I would have thought they would have said thanks by now

WarmWinterSun · 15/08/2022 14:57

It’s always lovely to receive a thank you, and yes it is the polite thing to do. However I try not to stew over late or forgotten thank yous. Life is too short.

MintJulia · 15/08/2022 14:59

How many people were at the barbecue? How many thank you notes? Has she since gone on holiday?

ZekeZeke · 15/08/2022 14:59

You brought drink, she provided the food. That's quits.
You didn't have to spend so much. Also, if there were a lot of people there she may not remember who brought what.

SummaLuvin · 15/08/2022 15:00

like PP, if I was told to bring a bottle to a BBQ I would assume that host was asking people to bring a bottle of spirit/wine/soft drinks for their own consumption that evening. It can be hard to second guess and cater for a large groups drink preferences.

AgnestaVipers · 15/08/2022 15:00

It's basic manners.

AgnestaVipers · 15/08/2022 15:01

I meant, to say thank you for the present.

The drink was your choice and I wouldn't expect thanks for that.

Yeezytiger · 15/08/2022 15:02

Surely they say thanks when you hand it over. Isn't that enough?

Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:04

ZekeZeke · 15/08/2022 14:59

You brought drink, she provided the food. That's quits.
You didn't have to spend so much. Also, if there were a lot of people there she may not remember who brought what.

My present had a tag so she'd know who it was from.

The party was a month ago and she's not been on holiday!

OP posts:
Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:04

AgnestaVipers · 15/08/2022 15:01

I meant, to say thank you for the present.

The drink was your choice and I wouldn't expect thanks for that.

Not expecting thanks for the drink but for the present.

OP posts:
Mariposista · 15/08/2022 15:16

Absolutely, it's basic manners to say thank you when you get a present. I still write TY notes (and get kids to do it), or make a phone call but at absolute worst a text would cost nothing.

Imogensmumma · 15/08/2022 15:24

Good grief , if she thanked you when handed the present then that is enough.

A thank you note / text is over the top and not needed, that are a waste of time

Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:25

Imogensmumma · 15/08/2022 15:24

Good grief , if she thanked you when handed the present then that is enough.

A thank you note / text is over the top and not needed, that are a waste of time

That's just it, she didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:26

I just feel basic good manners don't cost anything but are severely lacking these days.

OP posts:
mast0650 · 15/08/2022 15:30

Yes she should have sent a thank you of some sort for the present. A text is fine. Or just saying thank you in person. But sometimes people just forget or time just runs away with them and one month later it feels too late! I wouldn't dwell on it.

girlmom21 · 15/08/2022 15:32

She should've said thank you for the present. Absolutely. Whether on the night or a text the next day.

10HailMarys · 15/08/2022 15:34

I mean, it's polite to say thank you for gifts but it's easy to open them all after the party and throw away the wrapping and then find you've completely forgotten who actually bought gifts and who didn't and which gift came from which person etc. And it's totally normal to put them on a table for later.

Also, 'bring a bottle' means 'bring whatever you'd like to drink', not 'bring a £36 bottle of champagne and then moan that you couldn't drink it because you were driving.

the food was pretty basic

This is the point at which I lost sympathy for you, because I now don't think your manners are any better than those of the person who hasn't said thank you yet.

Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:49

10HailMarys · 15/08/2022 15:34

I mean, it's polite to say thank you for gifts but it's easy to open them all after the party and throw away the wrapping and then find you've completely forgotten who actually bought gifts and who didn't and which gift came from which person etc. And it's totally normal to put them on a table for later.

Also, 'bring a bottle' means 'bring whatever you'd like to drink', not 'bring a £36 bottle of champagne and then moan that you couldn't drink it because you were driving.

the food was pretty basic

This is the point at which I lost sympathy for you, because I now don't think your manners are any better than those of the person who hasn't said thank you yet.

It's easy to write 'thank you for the present' even if you have forgotten what it was?

OP posts:
Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:50

mast0650 · 15/08/2022 15:30

Yes she should have sent a thank you of some sort for the present. A text is fine. Or just saying thank you in person. But sometimes people just forget or time just runs away with them and one month later it feels too late! I wouldn't dwell on it.

Yes you're right, not to dwell and I won't, I felt it an interesting topic to see what people thought.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/08/2022 15:50

Out of curiosity did you thank her for the invite/food?

Original poster
FlorianImogen · 15/08/2022 15:55

girlmom21 · 15/08/2022 15:50

Out of curiosity did you thank her for the invite/food?

Good point, yes I did as I left.

OP posts:
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