Sign up for a gym without asking partner

[fifteenohfour]

So I have once before signed up for a gym, that was a CONTRACT. I was walking passed a gym a fit fella walked out and offered me a deal, It sounded good, so I joined (anytime fitness) it was a contract for 12 months £28 a month and I never went. At the time my wife and I were so skint and it was a complete waste of money and my wife was fuming (rightly so) everytime the money came out. And to this day she still brings it up and how I can't be trusted with money.

Fast forward 4 years and we are much much better off financially and I now have about £100 disposable income after mortgage and bills everything comes out. A new gym is opening up near me with a NO CONTRACT cancel anytime offer of £15 a month for the first 6 months then £30 there after, still no contract after 6 months.

I have been taking saxenda and really seeing a lot of weight loss, I want to increase it by getting fitter through the gym and doing the classes and using walking machines etc .

I asked my wife and she flat out said no, it's another one of my 'new diet new me' promises and that it's a waste of money I'll use it for a week and then stop. She said that she doesn't care if it's no contract she doesn't trust me, and any "disposable income" needs to go in savings.

I feel like joining anyway. It's no contract and I can prove her wrong! I can make the most of it lose weight and then cancel in 6 months when the £15 offer runs out.

What would you? Ignore and join or respect the no decision due to your past behaviour.

Sorry @GlitteryGreen I updated my post that £100 is mine, we have more than that to use for shopping and going out etc. the money is mine to do what I want but my wife thinks that a gym is not a worthwhile thing to spend it on based on past habits and if that's what I will spend it on, then save it instead.

Just seen your update - if you're obese then bodyweight exercise and easy movement like walking is a great place to start and a gym really isn't necessary for that. I have just joined a gym after 2 years exercising (starting from a reasonably fit base) because I now need the equipment to take my strength work up to the next level and want to add in swimming, but it hasn't held me back not joining earlier.

My partner has zero input in what I spend my money on, and he would be told its none of his business if he presumed to. Your spending money that you (presumably) earned is nothing to do with your wife. Join the gym, get your hair/nails done, piss it up the wall. It's nothing to do with her.

My partner has a history of signing up for stuff like this. Gym memberships, diet shake plans, exercise classes. He never sticks to them.

I let him get on with it though. I also use my disposable income for the gym but I actually go.

It is really difficult to see him do it but it’s his decision as an adult so I try not to interfere.

If your wife is buying lunch every day she doesn't have a leg to stand on. She sounds like a hypocrite.

To me there are two separate issues here.

Firstly - the money. If your bills are paid, you have savings and it is not causing any financial hardship, then in my view, what you spend your own hard earned money on is your business and you do not need permission from anyone. You are an adult.

Re the gym - well, only you know if you will stick with going, but equally I'm someone who for most of my life hasn't stuck with a gym and now goes regularly and have stuck with it for over a year so it can be done - it's been hard and far from a smooth path, but I'm still going.

The fact that it's no contract is a positive. Before I joined my gym I did some online classes using the various fitness apps around today - just to build up consistency - I made sure I did something every day. Once I was getting somewhere I joined the gym. Does the gym have any trial offers? Mine offered a 7 day free trial so I could see if I liked it and if it was a good fit for me. Different gyms have different vibes - sometimes people think they don't like the gym but they've only been to one and it wasn't a good fit. Other gyms I've hated - but I love the one I go to now.

I'd tell her where to go. I wouldn't have even asked to be honest.

I can totally see where your wife is coming from.

Going to the gym won’t help you lose weight. The saxenda (which you’re presumably already spending quite a bit of money on?) will help as will generally becoming more active eg walking/running/moving around during the day etc. But lifting weight or using a stationary bike etc may help firm up muscles but won’t burn a lot of calories.

If you want to do Zumba find a you tube video first and see if you actually like doing it. Maybe rope her in to do it with you for a bit of fun together?

when you’re working from home it’s easy to become very sedentary. I can easily do 10,000 steps on a work at the office day. When WFH I do less than 2000 most days. Take a lunch break and go for a one hour walk each day or get up an hour earlier.

Do couch to 5k - you don’t have to be fit to start, that’s the point of the couch part! If you’re too obese to walk for a minute and run for 30 seconds then you won’t be able to do much at the gym either and will become demotivated very quickly.

As you found before, becoming a member doesn’t make you use it.

You may feel intimidated by the slimmer fitter gym goers and decide not to go back. I know without a contract you aren’t tied in, but I bet there’s a notice period and every time you go to cancel you’ll realise you just missed this months payment so you may as well keep it for the rest of the month and quit next month. And so it goes on! (Speaks from bitter experience!)

Ive been a member of 3 different gyms. The only time I had any incentive to exercise was doing c25k with a friend. We met up at the same time twice a week so didn’t want to let each other down by not going. We did our 30 mins and said goodbye. Job done. Within ten weeks we’d gone from not being able to run for a full minute to doing 5k in about 30 mins of solid running.

Tbh if it's completely yours and doesn't impact her at all then I think you should be able to do what you want!

Are you paying for the Saxenda privately or getting it through the NHS?

If you're paying for it privately, a £15 Gym Membership has got to be pennies and a great deal compared to a months worth of Saxenda right?

And if you're getting it through the NHS, then no disrespect meant here, but your BMI has to be over 35, and be classed as high risk of developing other problems from high BMI.
If that's the case, then surely your wife should be encouraging you to do what you can to improve your health, and so joining a gym, especially one that cheap and without a contract shouldn't be an issue?

I don't subscribe to the MN idea that money is joint money, if I've contributed a fair amount to the joint pot for bills and savings, what's left is mine. I wouldn't have DH telling me how to spend my money and I don't tell him how to spend his.

However, gym memberships are pretty expensive. I agree cycling or running, or even walking is much cheaper. Do you have a parkrun near you? Could you do that, you can walk it to start with. You really don't need to go to a gym to start losing weight - walk at least 30 mins every day, eat less and go to parkrun. After three months you will see a difference.

Maybe she doesn't want you to go in case you get chatting to more 'fit fellas'?

I would suggest a compromise. Tell her that you'll go for a walk twice a week for 30 minutes, for a whole month, to demonstrate that you will invest in a similar way when you join the gym. If you have a history of not following through (as you mentioned), then I can understand why she'd be reluctant (at a time when people are budgeting carefully) to spend cash on something you might not use.

Get practical and show her you're serious by doing a month of regular (non-gym) exercise.

On one hand, that money is yours and if you both have set amount of disposable income then she has no more right to tell you you can't use yours to go to the gym, as you have to tell her she can't buy lunch at work and needs to bring food from home.

On the other hand - are you actually going to use the gym? If you aren't doing any exercise, you aren't in any kind of routine or habit of doing anything and the gym requires you to not only be in the mood to exercise but to get a bunch of stuff together and drive there etc.

I would start by walking and doing some video / home based work outs. Once you can make yourself do it at home and have done some form of exercise 3 times a week for a few weeks, then add on the extra work of actually going to a gym. There is nothing magical about a gym membership that will actualy get you to exercise.

Just join. Beyond controlling for your other half to try to stop you. However she is perfectly entitled to say I told you so if you never use it.

She needs to back off.
It is a very small amount of money in comparison to buying lunch daily.

Join. It's your money to spend as you want. I couldn't be with someone who controlled my spending in that way.

Btw congratulations on your journey.

I'm sorry you're wife is shitting on your dreams.

Don't let her put you off, use her lack of faith as a motivator.

Join the gym. Sounds like you've done really well and if you think that this is the next step in that process then go for it. If it's your own personal disposal income then it's nothing to do with her.

Why don't you find somewhere with classes that is pay as you go? My gym does that and if you get the bug and go regularly then it's more cost effective to pay monthly. In your shoes I'd definitely do classes rather than left to my own devices for motivation.

A lot of local authority sports facilities offer pay as you go classes for things like zumba

Does her work lunch costs come out of the communal pot or her separate 100 personal spend?

Your money your business- your wife isn’t being u reasonable to be concerned but the only way you’ll prove her wrong is to prove her wrong

I can see both sides here.

I don't think you were unreasonable to sign up for a no-contract gym thing, if the money is yours and you have that disposable income to spend on yourself.

But I also know full well what it's like to live with someone who keeps making impulsive, expensive mistakes and/or never actually sticks to anything that they say they're going to do. When someone has never really stuck to anything, it is very hard to be enthusiastic when they announce they're spending money on starting something new.

How about you make a commitment to yourself for, say, 3 months, that you will go to the gym 'x' times per week

If after the 3 months you have fallen way short of your commitment / target then you re-evaluate whether the gym was the right choice. Surely your DW would agree that for £45 it's worth a second chance.

Is the money your DW's only concern or is she picturing you turning into a gym-rat / gym-bunny and she'll never see you / your family commitments will fall by the way side?

Incidentally do you try to tell (control) DW what she gets to spend her £100 per month on?