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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that alcohol is a rubbish present

109 replies

Newusername3kidss · 15/08/2022 13:49

Just had a big birthday celebration- hosted a party with catering and drinks and entertainment. Everyone had an amazing time. I’m genuinely not bothered by gifts and am just happy that people have come to celebrate with us but as it was a big birthday, everyone brought gifts. Which is lovely. But 80% of the gifts were bottles of champagne and gin. I drink neither of these. These are friends who have known me for many many years so can’t understand why they went for overpriced bottles of booze which I won’t touch and will just end up giving away. I’ve made such an effort with friends birthdays recently and chosen sentimental gifts they can keep but also included gift receipts with them. Maybe I am being unreasonable but I’m currently trying to find space in the cupboard for 15 bottles of champagne and 8 bottles of gin (I worked out they are worth about £600). AIBU ?? I’m not a massive drinker and happen to dislike both these drinks but would other people have been thrilled?

OP posts:
Suetwo · 16/08/2022 10:04

I think it's a rubbish drug, full stop. It's one of the most overrated things in the world. If MDMA, ecstasy or cocaine were legal, so you could buy them without the worry of contamination, I wouldn't bother with alcohol. David Nutt said that if alcohol were invented tomorrow it would be an illegal, class A drug, along with heroin.

TenoringBehind · 16/08/2022 10:05

You'll be sorted for gifts for other people for years.

PowerPack · 16/08/2022 10:07

Out of interest, for people who are fans of "personal" gifts how many are actually hits? I find I get a lot of stuff losely related to my hobbies that I'll never use or decorative items and jewellery that are "OK" but not exactly what I'd have chosen.

Alcohol or chocolate might not be the perfect gift either, but if I don't want it, I can always find someone to pass it on to or save myself some money by not buying a gift or a raffle prize another time.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/08/2022 10:08

If they know you don't like them and buy them anyway it's a bit crap (though maybe they don't know, you'd be surprised).

But to be honest I think no adult should expect presents from anyone other than a partner on their birthday. Adults are so hard to buy for it's usually just a token gift anyway.

godmum56 · 16/08/2022 10:09

RagingWoke · 16/08/2022 09:48

I think throwing a big party you accept you'll get bottles of alcohol. It's an easy 'go to' gift if it's not known the receiver is an alcoholic/tee total and most adults don't need more stuff. Regift, donate, bin.

I see John Lewis vouchers suggested as a catch all gift, but they'd be useless to a lot of people. I often get cosmetics or toiletry sets that are expensive but useless, people know I like nice make up and toiletries but don't know they're chosen very carefully because of sensitive skin, so it's a thoughtful gift but still won't ever be used (give me a decent bottle of rum, whiskey or red wine and and I'd be over the moon!).

JL vouchers work in waitrose too so that may be an option.

xogossipgirlxo · 16/08/2022 10:21

It depends. If someone loves whisky, I think, good single malt is great gift. However circumstances change. If you don't know someone that well, it might be a miss, i.e. someone's husband/wife might be recovering alcoholic but they kept it quiet or so. I used to drink alcohol, now I don't, so wouldn't make much use of it either. I'd rather have some gift card for the value.

SalmonEile · 16/08/2022 10:27

Was the party at home?
maybe they assumed the bottles would be drank at the party and thought they were helping that way

still shitty if they know you don’t drink it yourself though

5foot5 · 16/08/2022 10:27

bloodyplanes · 16/08/2022 00:08

Alcohol is the go to for people who are to lazy to get a thoughtful present.

Given that these friends clearly don't know her well enough to know she dislikes champagne and gin, then how close to the mark do you suppose they would be with a "thoughtful" present?

Personality I would be a bit nonplussed to receive £600 worth of random crap like, say, overpriced candles, bathroom smelliest or "artistic" photo frames.

Corbes · 16/08/2022 10:34

yellowsmileyface · 16/08/2022 09:56

It’s something I think they will love but maybe they’d prefer a different colour / size / style etc. I think including gift receipt is considerate!

I still find it a bit odd. It just feels very hesitant I guess, though I can see how it could be considerate. I'm just wondering how much of a norm this is as I've never done it, nor had anyone do this for me.

Also I was always under the impression it's rude to disclose how much a gift cost, which including a receipt inadvertently does.

I’d assumed the OP meant a gift receipt, which doesn’t show the original price of the item. Personally it’s something I’d include with a gift like clothing in case I’d inadvertently bought them the wrong size, for example.

ThreeRingCircus · 16/08/2022 10:43

Gifts are a difficult one. I personally would have been happy with alcohol as a present as I do drink it but if it's something I don't drink it's easy to re-gift. I've received many gifts in the past that are clearly thoughtfully chosen but not quite right and take up space. As a PP said, there's only so many picture frames/candle holders etc you need. At least alcohol is consumable or easy to pass on to someone else.

I would keep them for passing on as gifts at Christmas and that way, they've at least saved you a lot of money buying gifts later down the line.

puddingandsun · 16/08/2022 10:45

I wouldn't be thrilled either.
Is it possible they were regifting a gift they didn't like themselves...

yellowsmileyface · 16/08/2022 10:49

I’d assumed the OP meant a gift receipt, which doesn’t show the original price of the item

I didn't even know this was a thing! And yeah that makes sense regarding the size. I've always avoided buying clothes as a gift specifically in case I got the wrong size.

the80sweregreat · 16/08/2022 10:51

It is a bit thought less, especially if they know you don't like either drink.

limitedperiodonly · 16/08/2022 11:03

NCRealQuick · 16/08/2022 09:38

Providing someone is not an alcoholic or has religious or ideological objections to alcohol it is no more a rubbish present than any other and more useful than some.

You won't always know who is an alcoholic or has one in their home. It is much more common than you'd think. Alcoholics have jobs and families and can appear totally normal.

DH has a massive drink problem. He functioned OK for years and stayed dry much of the time, but his heart wasn't it in. My God, how I hated the random bottles of wine and whisky that well-meaning people would "gift" us/him. More than once they'd knock him off the wagon and then all bets were off. Whenever I was able to intercept them, they'd go straight down the sink because I couldn't risk having the stuff in the house.

This is why I would never give alcohol as a gift unless specifically requested. I'm an excellent gift-giver and love choosing, but if I didn't know the person I'd go for a voucher to John Lewis or similar. That can be used by anyone and won't take up any room in their house while they wait to use it.

On another note, I have a relative who's a teetotal teacher and she always ended up with numerous bottles of wine knocking around her house until she could use them up in cooking or find someone who wanted them. It is NOT a good catch-all present.

OP had alcohol at her party so presumably doesn't have a problem with having alcohol in the house.

caulescens · 16/08/2022 11:37

I think it is just sensible rather than lazy. Expecting someone to be thrilled is a bit of a tall order, and I would imagine very rarely achieved. Alcohol is great - either drink it or pass it on to fulfil your social obligation in the future.

The hours I've spend trying to think of thoughtful presents for people and then really thinking about it...and ended up buying alcohol (if I know they drink it). The amount of thoughtful presents I received that have ended up taking space in a cupboard or straight down the charity shop.

How much you spend is also a minefield. I've got a friend with a significant birthday coming up - I've thought of (what I consider to be) a great present for her - it will cost c.£160. The problem is that we usually spend around £25 on each other and my significant birthday is 6 months afterwards. I could get her a cheaper version for £25 but it wouldn't be anywhere near as good or special and I just wouldn't get it for a gift. She will hate it if I spend more on her than she spends on me, I would hate it if she ended up spending that much on me!

Adult presents - not a fan.

TheTeddyBears · 16/08/2022 11:50

I agree it's quite thoughtless. I don't really drink much at all even less now that I've got 2 kids. When I do drink it's never wine or champagne and yet I've been bought them so many times 🙈 I don't mind if it's from someone that doesn't know me so well. I'd be quite annoyed if it was good friend etc 😟

My mum recently had a big birthday and got 6 bottles of her favourite spirit 😂 she also doesn't drink often so might be a lifetime supply for her!

StoneColdMedusa · 16/08/2022 11:59

I’m 50/50 on this one. If you’re not fussed if people give you gifts or not why are you upset with what you’ve received? That in itself is a contradiction and why I voted YABU.

It’s a shame about the lack of thought though.

HorseInTheHouse · 16/08/2022 12:08

I'd be very happy with that and would much rather have something consumable than any other present, generally speaking. I think it's nice even for occasional drinkers, as long as they have room to store it.

But it's a crap present for you if you don't like those particular drinks. Your friends should know something about what you like.

Danceswithkids · 16/08/2022 12:10

I think people choose alcohol because it's consumable (no established adult wants 23+ new things to find place for in their house) but more expensive than food. It's also very easily re-giftable.

And it's really very hard to keep track of what other people like/don't drink etc especially as these things change over time. Very close friends I'd expect to remember but if you are inviting large numbers of people expecting most of them to remember your quirks is unreasonable.

Unicorn2022 · 16/08/2022 12:18

My cupboard is full of bottles of champagne and random spirits people have bought me as gifts. It's all very well for people to say they can just be regifted but I would be too embarrassed to hand over a gift to someone that I wouldn't be pleased to receive myself.

Maybe you can sell some on FB marketplace? I've sold some of the gins and donated a few champagnes to raffles and auctions.

Dirtylittleroses · 16/08/2022 12:20

I think for someone who says they aren’t bothered by gifts you come across as seriously bothered by gifts. If you’re not bothered, then regift and move on, after all all you wanted was people to celebrate with you, right?

France98 · 16/08/2022 12:40

I agree. Alcohol seems to be the 'go to' gift in the UK. I don't drink at all and yet always seem to get gifted bottles of prosecco!

TokyoTen · 16/08/2022 12:45

Yeah it's crap. My MIL still gives me a bottle of wine at Xmas, I haven't drunk any alcohol for 5 years now! That's a bit crap too! I'd rather have half the price of the wine as an amazon voucher!

the80sweregreat · 16/08/2022 13:17

We had a bottle of alcohol re gifted to us once
I must admit , I was a bit miffed at that.
(Have to remember who gave you what if you do this op.)

limitedperiodonly · 16/08/2022 14:01

"Did you have a nice time?" Yes.
"Did everyone else have a nice time?" Yes
"Why are you upset?" I didn't like the presents.
"Remind me how old you were at the birthday you've just celebrated."

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