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Original poster

to ask local pub to ban creep

37 replies

cofingalthetime · 15/08/2022 01:50

So I picked up my dd age 18 from our local this evening, she had been there with her friends, a mix of boys and girls and her b/f, and she was in a bad way, floods of tears - turns out when she was coming back from toilet, which is down a little corridor, a guy, she thinks he was about 60, grabbed her, and well it sounds like sexual assault - he grabbed her bum, and pushed her up against the wall and she was pushing him to get off of her, but he wouldn't move and was really strong, but eventually he stumbled a bit and she was able to push him off of her, and as she ducked out he grabbed her tits really hard, and luckily she was able to run off. She told her friends what happened, and then she texted me to pick her up. I said we should tell the bar staff what happened, maybe there is cctv, or police, but she was in shock and just freaked out when I said that so I brought her home and she's had some tea and sugar. I'm so angry - as well as upset for my beautiful dd - WWYD - I was going to go down there tomorrow and see if they do have cctv - I was going to ask would they ban him. I mean, it is her local and she goes there a lot - how unfair is it that she has to watch out for him now, and maybe he will be there again. Anyone any experience - she has been seeing a counsellor for other things, so I'm going to arrange an extra session - am I right in thinking that this will stay with her for a long time, probably forever. Bastard creep. How dare he. I swear it's getting worse. Stupid thing is she always goes to the toilet with a friend, or her b/f goes with her and waits for her. She said she didn't even think, just that some of the friends had gone outside, and she said she was just popping to the loo. I swear to god, women have to be so f aware all the time - do a 'risk assessment' before going to the toilet. I really don't think it was as bad when I was young. Unless I was just very lucky. Feel sick. And relieved she got away. She was terrified he would drag her into the toilets - -there just happened to be nobody around at that moment.

OP posts:
DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 15/08/2022 01:52

I think it Should be reported to the local non emergency police. He will do this to others and almost certainly already has.

SheilaWilcox · 15/08/2022 02:04

Encourage her to report to police.
They will take it seriously and deal with contacting the pub for CCTV etc.
Even it she decides not to take it further, the information she gives them might be the missing piece of a puzzle for other incidents.

palygold · 15/08/2022 02:07

I agree that it should be reported if you can possibly do that.

Cagedbirdsinging · 15/08/2022 02:13

What @SheilaWilcox said .
Best wishes to your daughter and you , OP .

Urunbelievable · 15/08/2022 06:36

God this happened to me overseas. One minute I was walking to the toilet the next an old man had grabbed me. He was also very strong. It was terrifying. Sorry to say the fact he was so old just made it triply horrifying- this wrinkly monster trying to attack me. She should definitely say something- also ask they get CCTV.

LemmingsAway · 15/08/2022 07:00

That was sexual assault. Report to the police. He has likely done this to other women and worse.

Carpy88999 · 15/08/2022 07:01

Did her BF and group of lads she was with not do anything after finding this out? I don't advocate for violence but come on now stand up for the women you're with ffs.

daretodenim · 15/08/2022 07:19

It's not getting worse, these guys were around doing this to me when I was younger too. So that was 30 years ago.

The difference now is CCTV. I'd definitely ask the pub if they have it for the area she was in (corridor?) and how long they keep it for. If they tell you then you have an idea at least of that.

But it is sexual assault, it is rightly a crime, and these feckers need to be taught a lesson - legally. I can't stand that they still get do it and away with it.

However I don't have that much faith in the police and crimes against women. Getting him barred might be the best/easiest thing. And to be honest if the pub reviews the CCTV and doesn't bar him then they're actively condoning their premises being used as a site by men who want to sexually assault young women. Not a great look.

KangarooKenny · 15/08/2022 07:20

That needs reporting to the police, it is sexual assault. It needs reporting or he will keep doing it.

Surplus2requirements · 15/08/2022 07:34

Carpy88999 · 15/08/2022 07:01

Did her BF and group of lads she was with not do anything after finding this out? I don't advocate for violence but come on now stand up for the women you're with ffs.

So you don't advocate for violence but you do advocate for young men to ignore the wishes of their freaked out and very emotionally vulnerable female friend who they were likely extremely concerned for and seek out confrontation in an alcohol fueled environment?

LemmingsAway · 15/08/2022 07:36

Email the pub management also, so there is a paper trail. Email police also if this is an option. Build up the evidence.

jeaux90 · 15/08/2022 07:49

I am so sorry this happened.

I would definitely report it to the police and if she is up to making a statement ask for a female police officer to take it. It really has to be her choice though, police have a terrible reputation for the way they treat women who are victims of sexual violence.

I would also talk to the pub landlord. Check if they have CCTV.

I hope she will be ok, it's so traumatic.

Rosehugger · 15/08/2022 07:51

Report to the police. He should be behind bars- and not the kind you find in a pub.

Rosehugger · 15/08/2022 07:56

I would be expecting the pub to bar him and also explain to me how women can be reassured that they are safe when going to the toilet - perhaps a longer term thing but it sounds like the toliet design needs a rethink.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/08/2022 08:01

Rosehugger · 15/08/2022 07:56

I would be expecting the pub to bar him and also explain to me how women can be reassured that they are safe when going to the toilet - perhaps a longer term thing but it sounds like the toliet design needs a rethink.

This sounds entirely unrealistic. You can’t expect the pub to be remodelled because of one incident.

I’d definitely encourage DD to report it to the police. Even if it doesn’t get as far as a prosecution, I would think the pub would be more helpful if the police were involved.

JoanCandy · 15/08/2022 08:08

I'm so sorry that this happened to her, I hope she's OK today.
This is definitely sexual assault and, once she feels up to it, needs to be reported to the police.
My DD is 21 and a vulnerable adult with SN, I really fear something like this happening to her when she's out with her support group.

DDivaStar · 15/08/2022 08:14

This needs reporting to the police. Banning him from the pub will just move him elsewhere.

I hope the counselling helps your daughter deal with this.

OldTinHat · 15/08/2022 08:28

Report to the police. Its sexual assault.

I'm 50 and a couple of years ago I offered to help a doddery 80 odd year old man cross the road because he was struggling. Crossed the road, he grabbed my backside, bodily pushed me into a wall, shoved his tongue down my throat. I bit down and then pushed him away - but stupidly gently because he was so old and I didn't want him to fall. He wasn't frail, he was pissed.

I reported him, it was taken very seriously. The police said I had the option of taking him to court or accepting a community type/justice thing where he had to attend alcohol abstinence sessions weekly for six months and to apologise to me in writing. I chose that but I still feel I was heard.

Your DD absolutely must report. What if he does it to someone else, gets away with it and it escalates to rape, say? That's why I reported. She's been assaulted at such a young age. He must be called to justice.

ManateeFair · 15/08/2022 08:31

That is a sexual assault and one that the police would take very seriously, so I would definitely encourage her to report it. The police will likely speak to the pub about it.

Whitehorsegirl · 15/08/2022 08:49

This needs reporting to the police fast. The pub will have CCTV of the main room and your daughter can ID the man.

If not he will do it to other women and might even go further next time.

This is not something that can just be dealt with by a ban. For someone to be banned anyway your daughter will still have to tell what happened to her to the pub's owner. The guy could just say that your daughter is making it up. They are not just going to ban someone without evidence, which is why reporting to the police is the best way to go.

Sniffypete · 15/08/2022 08:54

Please, please get her to report to the police.

SalviaOfficinalis · 15/08/2022 08:57

Yes, please encourage her to report it to the police, and also tell the pub. The pub will (hopefully) want to know, and if he’s a regular they might know who he is from the description.

DeedIDo · 15/08/2022 09:03

If you contacted us (licensed premises) about this, we would keep the CCTV and be ready to hand it over to the police. Ours covers areas like corridors because this is where things happen.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/08/2022 09:03

your poor girl. I’m so sorry this happened to her.

speaking from very similar personal experience, I think it’s important that she knows you are taking it very seriously and that you will support her to talk to the police if she can. My DD’s motivation was to stop it happening to anyone else.

I also know how upsetting (and fury inducing) this is for you as her mom too so also be very kind to yourself.

take care op and I hope you and your dd will be ok

can I just also add… fucking men. Honestly, I just wish they’d just fuck off with their violence and sexual entitlement.

Fe345fleur · 15/08/2022 09:25

Suggest your DD reports it to the police and tells the pub too. It's a horrible thing to happen so totally understand she will be in shock. Its sexual assult! She can potentially stop it happening to other women if she reports it. He will do it again, and worse, if he's not stopped.

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