AIBU to think men shouldn’t be trying to push open doors in female toilets?

[Inertia]

Was a bit stunned to encounter this twice on holiday. Poolside toilet block split into male and female. Four toilets in female section , only 2 could be properly locked, but always busy so lots of women/ girls used unlockable ones.

Twice, while I was washing my hands, different men came in to the female toilets with their daughters (around 5/6 yo) and started pushing at the toilet doors to see which ones were occupied (no visible sign to indicate) . Neither spoke English, so I ended saying quite loudly / firmly “no, there’s someone in there!” The women/ girls having the doors pushed also shouted out. Eventually they took their children to the men’s.

AIBU to think that men shouldn’t be pushing women’s toilet cubicle doors open on the pretext of taking their daughters to the loo? It wasn’t just grown women there, it was teenage and younger girls. Why should small girls on the loo face grown men barging in on them ?

Why wouldn't they? Children are so curious..what's that? Who are you? My name is X..what are they peeing into daddy?

Ever been with a curious 3 yo that asks 297857 million questions a day and will innocently chat to strangers?

Apparently urinals these days have a magic invisibility cloak that masks said penises

There should be more unisex family facilities - it's madness that people are put into this situation to begin with.

If DDs are appropriately chaperoned then see ing a penis peeing is not going to traumatise them.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I didn't say it was fine, I'm predicting the basic gist of the next however many posts

So it's OK for you to go in a male toilet but not OK for a father to enter womens toilets with his female child?

I'm all for protecting women's spaces - except in this scenario. If a dad has to take his DD for a wee (or his DS, if the DS hasn't yet learnt to wee standing up), then I would be happy for him to bring his small DC into the women's loos, assuming there's no unisex family toilet available.

I hate the thought of a small child having to use the smelly, urine-splattered men's facilities. When my DC were little, when they pulled pants, trousers etc down, they came all the way down and sometimes fell on the floor. It was bad enough when this happened in the ladies' loos...I think if it happened on the sticky floor of the gents, I'd have had to incinerate them.

I agree.

I wouldn’t want my daughter in mens toilets so her dad would have to take her in the womens when she was younger.

What? Are you a man because if not you are a total hypocrite.

<wearily> If men's toilet facilities are not fit for purpose, those purposes including:

A) dads taking their daughters for a wee
B) male people who dress unconventionally having a wee

Then MAYBE men's toilets are horrible places & that needs sorting out, & JUST POSSIBLY that's not women's job to clean up after it.

If you're a man with a small dd & there's a shortage of clean toilets for men that you'd be happy to usher her into - that would seem to be a thing you could legitimately get cross about.

But they aren't.

People shouldn't be trying to barge into occupied cubicles full stop. Yes, it's worse that a man tried to do this, but women try to do this too, and I think it's awful behaviour. Many public toilet locks are pretty feeble, and if you jiggle the door enough, you can sometimes jiggle the lock open.

Oh don’t be so obtuse, small boys are not men.

I was a cleaner a student and can honestly say to see ‘a line of p buses’ you would have to crouch down at penis level next to the urinal and look right down it.

What do you think is happening in men’s toilets that your DD, who is with her dad, will be harmed by?

Now imagine when your DD is 7/8/9 ie old enough to go to the loo alone. She sim there in her own, no parent. A random adult man comes in thinking he has the right, and she’s scared and nervous - does she still matter less than that man’s convenience?

OSA: If you DH’s are taking their DD’s into the ladies they are disrespectful twats and need to get over themsleves and go into the men’s. Don’t fancy them much as good dad’s to daughters when they think they can just trample over the comfort of women so easily

Sorry but you said, "single sex spaces" and didn't distinguish, but no worries. I wasn't being obtuse.

However it's interesting how you can hold such a strong standpoint on female toilets but happily have worked as a cleaner in the men's. I'm assuming for you to make that comment you've been a cleaner that's been working when men have been doing their thing? Why didn't you refuse to work if your belief is that toilets should be single sex spaces. Or is it ok for male cleaners to go into the women's?

In any case, your very limited experience as a cleaner doesn't trump mine sadly, as I've visited men's my entire life. It's very possible for children to see other men's penises as not all urinals are the same and not all men use them the same.

Is it beyond the capabilities of men to stand at the toilet door and shout ‘I’m coming in with my small daughter/son, everyone OK with that?’
why can’t men ensure men’s toilets are family friendly?
why is it the women that have to budge up and accept dads in their toilet?
If the men’s are pissy and gross, then men need to not be pissy and gross in there and need to ask for better cleaning in their toilets from venues.

Men should not be in women's toilets. This erosion of women's boundaries has gone far enough.

I’ve read the previous threads, but somewhat naively thought it happened rarely- I was a bit flabbergasted to see it in real life, twice, and I really didn’t expect to see men pushing open the toilet doors knowing that there was likely to be a girl or woman using the toilet inside.

Felt angry with myself that I couldn’t properly warn the other girls and women, or speak to the men, as I didn’t have the language other than a sharp tone of voice. I will be emailing the hotel (home now) to ask them to fix the locks and improve the signage- think a written explanation will make more sense than trying to explain between two languages.!

But other people’s young daughters were literally sat on the toilet while unknown grown men were trying to open the toilet doors! How is that less scary or more acceptable than being chaperoned in the men’s? How happy would you have been with other children’s dads pushing open toilets that your daughter used once she was old enough to go alone?

These toilets had no hidden corners. The fathers could have waited at the door and kept up a conversation with their daughters.

Men should never be in the women’s toilet

If they need to take little girls (under 8) into the men’s that’s ok - those little girls will have their dad with them to shepherd them straight into a cubicle.

Much worse for men to be wandering into the women’s which loo where there will be other young girls unaccompanied.

I agree that open urinals should go though. That urinal area is the root cause of so many problems. It’s not fantastic for 8+ yo little boys to have to go into the mens alone where men are standing at the urinals tbh - or being alone in that semi private area.

In your example the broken locks are part of the problem but also the men should have realised how inappropriate they were being

I’ve had to go in due to my job.

Mens toilets that is.

Many posters have already said why they don’t want there dds in mens toilets. No point in me repeating the same points.

My daughters 11 now and she wouldn’t be scared or nervous if a man was in the same bathroom as her. I just asked her how would she feel if a man was looking after his young dd in a bathroom and she said it would be fine.

Lucky my OH wouldn’t give a shit what someone thinks. As long as our daughter was safe then that’s what matters and that’s his priority.

"Why can’t the dad just wait at the door?"
Because inside the toilet block there might be a man that uses they them pronouns or something else fucked up
Could be really gross toilets
Or left over drugs

Why can't the dad wait at the door??? Why can't you tell the people that work there that the locks are broken...

You really are being obtuse.

I was 19yo when I took the cleaning job and didn’t give much thought to single sex spaces because this didn’t seem to be an issue 20 years ago. But seeing as you asked, I used to shout ‘female cleaner entering’ before going in. And if I didn’t, then the toilets would be filthy and loo paper would have disappeared after half a day. So kind of needed.

This not the same as a man, who is not working and can always use the men’s toilet, using the women’s.

Re male cleaners - I don’t think I’ve ever seen one but again it’s different from a random man. The toilets need cleaned. If it’s a man and he declares himself and behaves respectfully, that’s quite obviously different.

And FWIW I cleaned the ladies too and it was every bit as smelly and grotty as the men’s loo. At least men didn’t leave out used sanitary towels 🤮

Making a declaration doesn’t make it ok. Too many women would be afraid to speak up. But I would - I’d say no this os the ladies you need to take her to the men’s.

Oh well as long as The Man is happy then fuck the other women who’s toilet is actually belongs to. Do you apply that horrifically selfish principle to every area in your life? Why can’t he take her into the men’s? Genuine question. Do you think that men should take little boys into the ladies too? If not then what is so bad that boys can see but precious girls can see?

A bit of a shame you’re teaching your DD that random men in female slaves are nothing to fear. I’ve told my DD if she ever sees a man in a female space when she’s alone she needs to get out there asap and tell someone.